Bullies why did you do it

"I didn't think you'd noticed" I just don't know what to say to that halfpint

I was the 3rd child.My Nana was devoted to the first born son and spoilt the Shirly Temple locks sister,
I was ignored. Just before my mum died I asked her why Nana had been so mean to me, she said
'i didn't think you'd noticed!

I’ve never bullied anyone and I ve never been bullied I never saw any bullying going on at my school and as 14/15 of us still meet up every month 70 years on and none of them can remember any bullying I ve got to believe there wasn’t anything much going on It was a fairly small school by today’s standards about 250 from age 4 to 18 so I guess thats maybe why

Sweetpeasue my daughter is autistic and struggles socially. The other children have not made any allowances and it breaks my heart to know she is on her own at break times.

The school has been quite proactive and are looking for ways to help her but I feel quite powerless.

Academically she is incredibly smart and she is a lovely person, she just doesn't understand social ques, jokes, sarcasm and can't read expressions or make eye contact.

I just hope she finds a little circle of friends soon.

I also hope your neice finds some good friends.

Our whole class bullied a young male teacher so badly that he left the school, fresh out of teacher training the powers that be felt he would be a good teacher for teenage girls ??‍♀️

It's bad enough over the internet Sara how people manage when they literally come face to face with their abuser I've no idea.

The up side was the wonderful support I received at the time from so many G'sN's Audi and the firm friendships that were made.

We are all vulnerable and no one is immune to hurtful comments however old we are, even on GN.
My niece's little daughter has been bullied at school and is having a very hard time. She is Autistic and has locked herself in school toilets as a 'safe place' away from the comments. She's been called a freak because of her nature which is very quiet and introverted. This is finally being addressed at school.
Please forgive yourselves those on here who feel bad about the past. You have big hearts to feel remorse.

These stories are so sad, I hate bullies with a passion, sara1954 you have been so open and honest thank you for posting! I’ve never been bullied in any school or workplace luckily, and I was quite quiet at school had a small circle of friends, I’m quite a confident person and would always seek out a person who appeared quiet like I used to be, I’m sad to hear that there has been online bullying on gransnet, I think as shelflife says bullies have their own turmoil. Which they have to overcome, that’s no excuse though to hurt others

Smileless
It’s horrible, I don’t think I’ve ever really been bullied, unless you count the low level bitchiness we all experienced from the class leader, sometimes it was my turn, and I just gritted my teeth and got on with it till the attention turned to someone else.
But how people endure it day in day out I have no idea.

I wasn’t a bully as such - but, a group of girls tried to bully me when I first started secondary school, after a week or two I hit back and one got nosebleed. That resulted in me getting suspended for a week, I never had any problem ever again, nor did my younger sisters.

Why do bullies do it - because they can.

It is terrible isn't it Sara especially if they themselves have been a victim so know precisely the effect they'll be having on their victim..

Wow, ladies you are so kind.
To be honest I don’t dwell on it, but threads like this remind me that I did behave badly.
I find it terrible that women of our age can continue to bully others, have they learned nothing over the years?

Atqui

A girl in my form at grammar school was very popular ( or so I thought) and leader of the “in crowd” . She was never physically aggressive but made snide comments etc. The worst occasion was when the brother of one of this group asked me out. How dare he! I googled this unpleasant ring leader later in life and discovered she was a head teacher. I felt like writing to enquire what her anti bullying policy was!!

And the girl who made my life such a misery in 6th form, she is headteacher of a pupil referral unit!

Thanks for the head's up Fatgran, I also hadn't seen that; it's not a thread I'd ever looked at before. I concur.

Sara You are so brave, I echo what others are saying, I think it's well past time you forgave yourself

Thanks fatgran I've just read it. Wouldn't have known about it if you hadn't told me.

Broken bones heal but the emotional scars that bullying leaves behind although they fade, never disappear.

Never having been bullied as a child I never thought it would be something I'd experience. Certainly didn't expect it at the age I am now.

Sarah1954, I can feel your remorse and sincerely hope you have forgiven yourself? You recognize your behaviour was unacceptable and please don't allow it to cloud your life- I send you hugs and wish you peace of mind.

I echo this Sarah1954

freedomfromthepast you explained that beautifully.

My mother really would get a shock if she spoke to my children. She didn't consider that they were intelligent and capable as children to see what she was doing.

The stories they tell me now of how she made them feel breaks my heart. I didn't know, I wish I could have protected them sooner but I was under the spell of too much gaslighting and manipulation. I'd had too many years of her telling me who I am and thinking I deserved it, that I was just somehow bad.

All the manipulation and the little digs until I blew up and then she could point the finger and say "see! I told you you were bad!". Anyone else would never see me behave that way. She installed all those trigger buttons. Normal people just don't do that, they don't deliberately try to wind you up so they can watch you go

I will never let another person tell me who I am ever again.

She accuses me of using my children as weapons, because that is the sort of thing she would do.

They aren't pieces in a game, they know exactly what she is and and they want nothing to do with her and never will. She will never accept that is due to her own behaviour, and will always blame me for turning them against her. She thinks she is too clever for anyone to catch her out, let alone a child. She just doesn't value children and doesn't understand that they are intelligent and capable, and that some parents do respect their children's choices. I'd have never stopped them seeing her if they wanted to.

Smileless2012 thank you.

Perhaps take a look at the dieting 'I'm a pear" Wed 8th Sept 09.48.49 quickly or this comment will be probably taken down.

FindingNemo15 how sad. Especially what your Mum said after.

Some unkind things said in childhood are never forgotten. They may seem just a throw away remark to the instigator, but for the recipient, it can stay with you.

The expression "sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you" , is absolutely wrong.

to all who've been hurt.

There was a boy in the year above mine and he used to make my life very uncomfortable. Constant name calling etc. Others, mainly girls, joined in mainly because of my clothes and shoes. I used to ride my bike 2 miles to get to school and it was not that fancy so they regularly let my tyres down.

I will never forget this boy and the cruel comments and I think it stays with you forever.

I did tell my mum who said ignore them and then proceeded to tell me no one would ever be my friend and like me which did not help.

Overall I led an unhappy childhood and think I only got married to escape.

Yes it does make "very uncomfortable reading" fatgran and a horrible thing to experience.

Your post sums up the online bully on a forum like GN very well. Some get sucked in because they're unaware of the posters past and true nature. Others join in because they're just the same.

Using pm's to rally the bullying troops is particularly disturbing and often obvious when suddenly there are several posters having a go at one poster in particular.

Sara I have found your open and honest posts on this thread very moving especially I was being bullied here on GN last year.

I don't know if those responsible have any of the remorse and regret hat you obviously have, or would have the courage to make a no excuses declaration of their behaviour, but reading your posts has made me feel a little better about my own experience so thank you.

".......recently when manipulate bullies have managed to upset and hurt nice gentle good people and turned it around to make out THEY have been bullied. They send unpleasant pm's to their victims then quickly have them removed so there is no record of what they have done. I have had this happen to me and then these cowards continue posting all sweetness and light to those who "love and adore them"."

Yes I have seen this happening recently on GN. I often notice a poster has suddenly withdrawn their own post quite quickly after posting, and at first I was surprised you could do that so quickly on GN. I wasn't sure why they were doing it. I know what I read, and I always wish it had stayed so others could see what they are really like. Likewise some delete PMs.

I don’t want that to sound like an excuse, because I do remember being very mean.

I make no excuses for any of us, but we were I think, afraid that if we didn’t participate, we would also find ourselves being bullied.
I really don’t know why one girl managed to control us all, even towards the end of school, when we had formed our own friendship groups, I was still very wary of her.