Is fifty years not enough?

We had done the gold thing as presents to each other on our fortieth anniversary, so, as neither of us could think of anything that would top it, we decided to do a joint present and treat ourselves to a couple of nice watercolours we had our eye on, and a weekend in a very nice hotel in Norfolk. DH is not very good at buying presents, and I’m going the same way. You simply run out of ideas!

DH died a month before our 49th so we missed the Golden Wedding but his attitude to celebrations is summed up by one of my birthdays - DH "When is your birthday?"
ME "Last week"!

My 50th passed with a joint celebration in church and a couple of overnight stays in a nice hotel with families staying over too. My dh treated me to a suite, now I’m forever spoiled we’ve always treated each other to something nice but in joint discussion. I always tell him not to buy me anything for Valentine’s Day cause I think it’s a real con everything so overpriced
50yrs itself is a fabulous achievement keep going, fingers crossed your health keeps good and carry on with what makes it work

Gosh.....so glad you returned your 'gift' without him knowing. Kind of conditional, wasn't it? Not much joy in that for a either of you.

We celebrated our 50th in May. I instigated the conversation re celebrations and we agreed to have a 3 night break, which I booked. Exchanged cards but decided no presents. Why should the poor guy have to make the effort, marriage is a partnership. Hopefully the marriage has been good with romantic moments at times.

JaneJudge

It's not really that difficult to organise a bunch of flowers and a bottle of fizz or to book a table in the pub/restaurant, is it?

True. So the wife could have organised it.

Has he treated you with love and kindness for the past 50 years? That would be all that mattered to me.
If he hadn’t, that’s a different matter.
I know that my OH would go right over the top but he knows I’m not one for all that show.
Although I did like the car he bought me one Valentine’s Day, complete with red ribbon wrapping. ?

We’ve recently ‘done’ 50 years but neither of us gave each other even a card as nothing felt particularly special about the day or the marriage. If I’d received a present I’d have been in shock. If I’d given a present I know he’d not have felt embarrassment.

Well, I’d be peeved too, OP.
I wouldn’t expect a special present, but I would expect a card, probably a 50th one, though TBH any nice one would probably do, and a bunch of flowers.

I wouldn’t buy a big present for dh, but def. a card and some favourite chocolate.

I’d certainly be inclined to tell your dh that you’ve sent his special present back, since he evidently couldn’t be bothered even to get you a bunch of flowers.

It's not really that difficult to organise a bunch of flowers and a bottle of fizz or to book a table in the pub/restaurant, is it?

Following Baggs' comment, knowing what he is like, I would have suggested that you both choose something lovely for the house or go on a special trip.

I think expecting him to change after all this time is a bit pointless.

Irritating and hurtful if friends have been spoilt.

Alternatively, you could spend the money for his present on something for you.

I'd probably be the same as your husband, I expect.
I just don't think to buy cards and things for special days.
To me, a card doesn't signify anything, but the fact that you've been together for so long is proof enough that you're loved.

I think expecting him to behave differently from how he has always behaved is a tad unreasonable however reasonable your wish for a present chosen and given by him.

Just buy yourself the kind of thing you wish he'd got you and tell him you bought it to mark your anniversary.

He is who he is and you've known him a long time. It's a shame you're upset.

Did he know it was 50 years? Agree with GagaJo, tell him what you bought and why you returned it, if it’s not so long ago that it’s too late, otherwise he won’t know that it upset you. Maybe have a special trip out as a belated celebration?

I think most men (not all) do not put the same emphasis on cards and presents and year markers and if he’s never done it before then I think you were over expecting, although it’s a very special milestone and one to be congratulated on
I think you were lucky getting a card to be honest
If he s been a good husband and a good provider I think that’s all you can dwell on and be glad
Surprised you took his present back to the shop I thought it was about giving not ‘giving only if they give me’?

I d thank your lucky stars you had a good bloke for such a long time …..many of us didn’t

I'd drop into a conversation later, oh btw, I got you X but since you weren't bothered about our anniversary, I've taken it back.