To include son in will

Maddiedu

I do love him and my gc I don't want to go against my dh wishes and have outsiders taking our money and leaving our family high and dry

But would you be happy to leave your son out? What about your grandchildren, they are family aren't they.

They have been together 20 years!

I don't understand what DIL has done to deserve this animosity and your daughter sounds awful trying to make sure she gets the whole pot despite having benefited already to a great degree.

This will be your very last chance to show your son he is loved just as much as your daughter maddie. Your husband, their father, was wrong to play favourites. I'm sorry but it's true.

Mil left everything divided between her son, my dh, and the gc, my 2 dds. I got nothing not even a mention. Poster could do a similar thing if she wants. Like me I expect dil knows exactly where she stands which is nowhere to be blunt. Money isn’t everything. Your dh and dd seem rather grasping if you don’t mind my saying. You must do as you see fit - it’s what you want. You are perfectly capable of doing this yourself despite what you have been led to believe. Get a good solicitor, write your will as you want and tell no one.

theworriedwell

Maddiedu

Thank you.

DH always discussed our financial affairs with DD as we can trust her she's been to university and is very clever, she always knows what's best to do and DH always said she had a better grasp of these matters than I do as things were different when we were younger.

She sorted everything out when DH passed away, I don't know if I could cope without her tbh.

She's certainly got a good grasp of making sure she gets what she wants.

It's not your husband's money now, it is yours. You are right your son will be hurt. I don't think money always has to be shared equally and in this case I'd say she should actually get less than your son as she's had plenty already.

Just because someone has been to university doesn’t necessarily mean they are very clever. I agree with Worriedwell, she’s very good at getting what she wants. It sounds as if DH and DD have had control for a very long time. Isn’t you DS, his wife and the GC also part of your family?

Your son seems to have done rather well in his relationship with DIL, whilst DD seems to have had rather more relationship difficulties. Your DD seems to have had a huge amount of financial support already. I feel sad that your son and his family have been so sidelined.

Perhaps it’s time to partially redress the balance?

I would just have to make things as fair as possible in the will. I'd take into account how much your daughter has had so far (it sounds like a lot) and give your son an equal amount. The rest I'd share equally. Your husband was so wrong to treat them differently.

Your DD certainly has a grasp of finances ! A very firm hold on it !
Is she going to squirrel away the “ family “ money and have it buried with her ?
Are your grandchildren not family ?
Is your Son not family ?

I think your husband mean to exclude your son because of dil. It’s up to you if you prefer to be dictated to. No way would I be anything but fair. Your d has already had her share it seems she wants the lot. Spend your money, go on holiday, give money to your son now when you can see him enjoy it. I cannot understand this preoccupation in what happens when you die, what about living and enjoying it. If they get anything that left that’s more than enough. Why involve thus d in your financial decisions it seems she is the one whom has had more than her share now. You could have remarried and they would get nothing.

Your husband clearly favoured your daughter. But he is no longer here.

You are being very unfair to your son.

Your daughter is being greedy.

You need to treat your children equally.

DH always discussed our financial affairs with DD as we can trust her she's been to university and is very clever, she always knows what's best to do and DH always said she had a better grasp of these matters than I do as things were different when we were younger.

You have me completely lost here. What has having a degree and being clever got to do with trust or knowing the best thing to do? Our prisons house many people with a whole raft of degrees who are as devious and untrustworthy as they come and have devised and run the cleverest of scams.

What I read from all this is that your DD was Daddy's little girl, his favourite and, yes, she is clever, she knew exactly how to wind him round her little finger and how to extract money from him whenever she wanted it..

It seems to me your DH wanted to dominate the life of his son the way he thought he had his daughter at his beck and call, but your DS was man enough to decide to make his own life, to marry someone whom he loves and your DH saw your DiL as an implacable enemy from then on.

You say that your DS and DiL have been married for 20 years. Yet you still say I don't want to go against my dh wishes and have outsiders taking our money and leaving our family high and dry Where is the evidence that after 20 years of marriage, the moment you die and your son gets some money his wife is going to upsticks and leave him, tucking your DH's money in her back pocket as she goes? The whole idea is totally absurd.

Your DH and DD have successfully brain washed you over the years to believe without any evidence that your DiL wants her FiL's money and your DD has encouraged that idea while raking in as much of her father's money into her own pocket as she can. If you left everything to her, her brother has as much chance of seeing any of that money as finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The good news is that now, you have, sadly, lost your DH, you are beginning to see the lack of logic in both his and your DD's arguments. Making a will is a personal and private issue and none of your DD's business. Leave your money as you think fit. This obsession with your DiL running off with it, as just that an obsession and, like most obsessions, has no basis in reality.

When she married your DS didn't your DIL become part of your family? How can leaving anything to your DS risk it going out of the family? Isn't she the mother of your GCs.? I think your DD has done very nicely out of managing your DH. Don't let her do the same to you. Make your own will, leave money to them both and refuse to tell her what you are doing. It is none of her business what you do with your money.

What on earth has your dil done to be treated so horribly? Is it just the money or are you not on good terms generally? She is the mother of your grandchildren and has, presumably, made your son happy for 20 years. Do you feel it is fair that your dd has has so much more over the years than your ds?
As others have said, you can leave your money to your ds, dd and gc and leave your dil out of it. You could split it 5 equal ways, or give your son a greater share to even things up.

25Avalon

Mil left everything divided between her son, my dh, and the gc, my 2 dds. I got nothing not even a mention. Poster could do a similar thing if she wants. Like me I expect dil knows exactly where she stands which is nowhere to be blunt. Money isn’t everything. Your dh and dd seem rather grasping if you don’t mind my saying. You must do as you see fit - it’s what you want. You are perfectly capable of doing this yourself despite what you have been led to believe. Get a good solicitor, write your will as you want and tell no one.

Surely though if you and your husband got divorced, you would be entitled to a share of the assets from your marriage, which would include his inheritance?

How can someone who has been married to your son for twenty years and had his children still be considered an outsider?

My DD is also clever with two degrees and is very good with money. DS is a walking disaster mainly kept afloat by me at the moment, but anything I have to leave will be split between them and it will be up to them what use they make of it. I'm not going to get into a "Who deserves what" scenario.

Please do not leave your son out of the will. I know what it is like, my sister got the whole estate and I got nothing. I did not fight this as it was my Mothers wish, but it made, and still makes me angry.
You seem in awe of your daughter, she is clever she went to University, so what, one of my adult children did one did not, I would not dream of letting the one who did take over what I am doing in the will.
I have to say your post made me angry, your husband and daughter sound greedy, and manipulative. The fact he put you down and said she could do things better than you is disgraceful.
I would also say your daughter makes very bad choices and I would not trust her, in fact it sounds the apple did not fall far from the tree, she is like her Father. Also children do get married, your son has been with wife for 20 years and they have children. He sounds like he is a far better person than your daughter.
I am sorry but I think you are weak and you should care about both your son and daughter equally.
I may come across as hard, but having been in the position your son is in now I know how much it can hurt. It's not to late for you, make amends and share the will equally, and stop thinking that manipulative daughter is better than you.

I have gifted large sums of money to my eldest son to help him settle in the US. In my will, I’ve left an equivalent sum of money to each of my other two children then the rest of my estate will be split three ways equally. That is fair, I will be treating my children as equals and not favouring one of them. I cannot understand how you are considering otherwise. I very much doubt your daughter will give a penny to her brother or his children.

I was quite angry when you wrote about your husbands dismissive opinions of you and your ability to make decisions, it’s not his money, it was your money as well and you need now to make things right for your son.

I’m not even sure if this is a true account as I cannot believe that any woman would allow her husband to talk about her in that way.

I think as we have done it is quite normal to leave money through the bloodline. That means our DS’s portion, if he dies before us, goes to his children. If he dies after us he can leave his money to his wife if he wishes.
We were told by our solicitor that this is standard practice.

I think you should decide what you want to do and not be influenced by what you think your husband wanted.
It sounds as if it didn’t matter who his son married, he did not intend for your son to inherit any money which seems very unfair to me.

It sounds to me that your son hasn’t got a hope in hell of inheriting a brass farthing now that your financially canny daughter is sorting things out.
As least think of your grandchildren and leave money to them that can only be accessed when they reach a certain age. Or has your daughter got a problem with them ?

It seems to me that the OP is making all this up! The whole thing sounds like fantasy.

Gosh, I wonder how you would feel if your parents in law, or your daughters future parents in law, had judged you as the gold digger you see your daughter as and left their son out of their will because of it. It all sounds really controlling. Like a previous poster said, all you son has done wrong is manage to have a successful relationship.

Sorry, *DIL as

Absolutely leave your son half of the money. It's only fair.

Your daughter clearly wants it all for herself.

Half each is the way it should be.

VioletSky

They have been together 20 years!

I don't understand what DIL has done to deserve this animosity and your daughter sounds awful trying to make sure she gets the whole pot despite having benefited already to a great degree.

This will be your very last chance to show your son he is loved just as much as your daughter maddie. Your husband, their father, was wrong to play favourites. I'm sorry but it's true.

Agree with Violetsky
This will be your very last chance to show your son he is loved just as much as your daughter.
I treat my own DIL like she's one of my own family.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your DH.
This is now YOUR will.

It strikes me that your daughter’s university education and her cleverness hasn’t exactly kitted her out to be a responsible adult, if you’ve had to buy her not one, not two, but three houses. She’s really not that smart at all. Unless fleecing your parents is a skill to be proud of.

On the other hand, your son, who seems to have a long lasting and presumably happy relationship and has two children, of whom I assume you are fond, is to be punished for his life choices.

I really don’t get this at all. I suspect you might be a victim of abuse from your husband, if he said such vile things to undermine you such as DH always said she had a better grasp of these matters than I do as things were different when we were younger..

Things were different for each and every one of us years ago. That’s what happens in life. We listen, we learn and we adapt. That’s what you need to do, too.

ladyleftfieldlover It would not suprise me that you are right and this thread is made up. No one can be that pathetic and weak.
If it is true I despair for the son growing up with a couple of nasty greedy people, and a Mother/ wife who had/has no backbone.
Like I said I was the one left out and it does affect you. I hope this is made up, for the sons sake.

She says If I leave it all to her, she will see all of the grandchildren and her brother right as and when they need it but make sure DIL can't benefit from it and I know she will.

And she's to be sole judge and jury........they'll never see a penny. She'll never consider their needs valid over and above her own greed. If you want to be as hateful to your son as his father was you'll do as your daughter wants, otherwise you can show your love for your son and leave your estate 50/50 and your daughter will still have had far more.