Gransnet forums


To include son in will

(224 Posts)
Maddiedu Sun 26-Sep-21 21:03:55

I have 2dc. Oldest DD youngest DS.
My DH passed away 5 years ago.

DH always said that our money was for our DC so when DS settled down with DIL he did not want DIL to benefit from money we worked all our lives to save for our DC.

When alive DH made sure he gifted money to DD but not DS because of this. I was sole beneficiary in DH will and when I die I want to leave it 50/50 to DD and DS. DD says this isn't right as this is not what DH wanted.

I know DH wanted to exclude DS from the will once he settled down but DS has two children and has been with DIL for twenty years, she's not going anywhere. DD was married for two years then we paid for her divorce, we had already helped her into her first house then upon divorcing we lost a lot of money then gave her money for a second house. She then had a child with someone but they separated and DH was so worried this ex may get money from his will, as he was dying, he gave her money for a third house as the one she wanted was more expensive than the one she had and needed works done.

DD says that if I leave DS anything in my will DIL will get it and I'm unreasonable because this is not what DH worked hard for. She says If I leave it all to her, she will see all of the grandchildren and her brother right as and when they need it but make sure DIL can't benefit from it and I know she will. I just think DS will be hurt when I die and he reads that I've left him nothing

MissAdventure Wed 29-Sep-21 00:22:20

It doesn't sound as if clinging on to this money is bringing you much happiness.
What a sad state of affairs, to come to this over something so unimportant. sad

crabbsie Wed 29-Sep-21 00:57:28

Her previous thread about this is the below link, but puts a very different spin on the story.

GagaJo Wed 29-Sep-21 06:00:58

Maddie, you are very lucky your son hasn't completely cut contact with you and his sister.

He and his life-long, loyal wife have been treated appallingly by your DH, DD and you.

Your DH was money obsessed and your DD is greedy and has always manipulated more than her share out of your family. She has a string of failed relationships. And she is now convincing you to leave more than half to her in your will.

Add up how much she's had out of your family. The greedy, grabbing one isn't your DIL, it's your DD. Deduct how much she's had already from her inheritance.

Put this right with your boy before you die.

NotSpaghetti Wed 29-Sep-21 07:23:59

Was this your thread in April Maddiedu?

VioletSky Wed 29-Sep-21 07:57:13

maddie If you are still reading this and that previous thread is yours, go make things right with your son and DIL before it's too late. You have allowed your own child to be abused by your husband and daughter.

It's not too late to put it right.

Lucca Wed 29-Sep-21 08:06:16


Her previous thread about this is the below link, but puts a very different spin on the story.

Interesting that OP says she hasn’t posted about this before …..

What awful family relationships some people create for themselves !

NotSpaghetti Wed 29-Sep-21 08:14:57

This is a different angle anyway Lucca so the OP technically hasn't even if the earlier thread is hers.

I do hope you don't also have the estrangement problem Maddiedu

Lucca Wed 29-Sep-21 08:28:38

Of course, you’re correct, but it’s all part of the money and family relationships thing.isn’t it ?

M0nica Wed 29-Sep-21 08:32:10

After reading the initial post, which I do not remember, what I cannot understand is why she stayed in a marriage with such a nasty bullying unpleasant man.

silverlining48 Wed 29-Sep-21 08:50:53

Maddie you asked and have had pages of response. I think you must realise you have to put things right with your son and family. You are not helpless you can do this, so first step is to get some independent legal advice.

You appear to have have been controlled and undermined by husband and daughter in the past and it may be hard to ‘defy’ your daughter, but if you are brave and determined enough you can and will, with support, resolve this.

Please do what you know is right. A step at a time, I wish you well.

TwiceAsNice Wed 29-Sep-21 08:59:31

But your daughter has had more than one partner and divorced yet she gets far more than the son who has had a long term successful relationship. If you’re thinking about money why are you not penalising your daughters relationships. Your poor son. Your husband sounds vindictive and your daughter is taking after him.

I can’t imagine treating my children so differently. Why don’t you love them equally?

Ladyleftfieldlover Wed 29-Sep-21 15:39:28

I still think this is made-up. Otherwise where is the original poster?

MissAdventure Wed 29-Sep-21 16:27:16

Considering her options carefully, I hope.

Lauren59 Fri 01-Oct-21 05:20:40

The OP must be enjoying this. Judging by the writing style of the two different threads it seems to be the same OP resurrecting the same old inheritance theme.

M0nica Fri 01-Oct-21 09:38:47

I understand why some people doubt the veracity of this thread, and not just based on the story, but some years ago, when I worked for a charity for the elderly, I did have to visit and help a woman in a not dissimilar situation.

Shandy57 Fri 01-Oct-21 10:03:41

Martin Lewis had a question about inheritance on his show last night, one child was very successful and solvent, one child not so. Most voted for an equal 50/50 share, but Martin said if it was him, he would direct his money to where it was most needed.

M0nica Fri 01-Oct-21 15:53:00

I read an article some years ago by someone who had parents who thought like Martin Lewis. The daughter who had been succesful and acknowledged this, said it left her feeling alone and isolated as if her parents were rejecting her because she was successful.

She knew that wasn't so, and she was not talking about wanting an equal share in the estate. But she felt that her parents should have left her something and that by being cut out, so to speak without a shilling can have quite a devastating effect on the child excluded.

NotSpaghetti Fri 01-Oct-21 16:34:29

Yes, I can see that M0nica, because you understand something logically doesn't necessarily mean your heart understands.

NotSpaghetti Sat 02-Oct-21 12:24:57

Can I just flag up (again) the idea of Economic/Financial abuse?

Here is a link that may be helpful:

oliversnana Sat 02-Oct-21 21:23:52

There is also the possibility he could contest the will.
Your dh and dd have worried about his wife having money what about the partners a sil who you helped her divorce?

MayBeMaw Sun 03-Oct-21 08:12:40

Am I the only person who feels this should have been -AIBU to exclude son from my will?

Lucca Sun 03-Oct-21 08:56:39

Vanishing OP again ?

annoyedmom1 Sat 09-Oct-21 16:38:36

I sure hope your son is on to you and denies you access to him and his family. The favouritism is disgusting.

When you pass, and this all comes to light - I’m positive he will cut ties with his sister and any memory you wanted to live on with your grandkids will be tarnish. They will never think of you fondly. And sil will be cut off as she should be.

My in-laws show this type of financial favouritism towards my sister in law. The good thing is it’s open and not a secret so my family stays far away and visits are limited and supervised.

Treat both your kids with respect.