To include son in will

I'm not surprised they became distant, DD comes accross as jealous of DIL really.

Get someone else to handle the finances, I am absolutely sure they will be cheaper than DD has been

Is it possible maddie that the reason they became distant is that your dd, (and your dh, it appeared) have always treated your dil as if she’s lying in wait, to steal the family fortune? Your dh described your dil as ‘popping out a couple of kids to nab’ the family money. He said his son’s partner of 20 years, and the mother of his grandchildren was likely to ‘swan in and take’ a potential inheritance. That is an incredibly disrespectful way to speak about a person (and appears completely unfounded).

My son would absolutely not want to be ‘close’ to anyone who spoke about his wife that way.

My advise would be for you to sit down and make a list of all the monies your DD has had from you over the years and your DS if he has had any money from you. You then get yourself a good Probate solicitor. Your DD seems to have far too much money given to her over the years and this money should be taken into account when the Will is drawn up otherwise it would be unfair.

Do not take your DD with you when you see a solicitor as it’s none of her business.

Your DD and your DS should inherit an equal amount from your estate as that’s only fair and the money your DD has had should be taken into account otherwise it would be grossly unfair of you to treat your DS differently as that’s how it seems.

It doesn’t really matter what you think of DSs wife. He’s been married to her for 20 years. Your DD seems to waste money and maybe it’s time your DS had some money from you.

I'm sorry you lost your husband, but his attitude towards your daughter in law is very strange. If your daughter had married would he have cut her out of the will as well?

It is now your money and it is up to you to how you decide to will it, and what you feel would be a fair will. Your daughter should not be trying to influence you.

DSs partner but that shouldn’t matter as they’ve been together for over 20 years.

I just cannot understand this point you keep making about protecting your money. You have already lost out to your first sil when your daughter got divorced, your son on the other hand is in a long term steady relationship. I think you need to think for yourself and leave money 50/50 to your children. I think you need to stop feeling hatred towards your dil.

I have divided my wealth (?) equally between my children even though one needs it more than the others but we never know what the future holds.

Would it be possible for you to ring-fence the money to each adult child stipulating that it can only pass down the blood line. Therefore does not become included in any divorce proceedings or in the hands of ‘the other’ if your child dies but would pass to your GC.

Other than that, what about jumping your children and splitting the inheritance equally between your grandchildren, for them to receive it at a letter date.

DD has a hold on you but you cannot see it because you have been brainwashed. Your son, 20 years together with his wife, seems more stable than your daughter.

Your husband could not see see into the future, time and situations change. Go to your solicitor and remember it is not necessary to divulge to anyone what you have decided

You should not leave your son out of your will. If your daughter is saying that, she is manipulating you. Go and see a solicitor by yourself and do not discuss it with her or show her your will. She has already had more than her fair share.

You say you want to keep the money in the family, so you could leave it all to your grandchildren. A solicitor will explain how this can be done as they are presumably underage.
But why not give credit to your son who has a stable relationship? Your daughter has messed up big time yet you bail her out and think she is clever! Clever at getting her own way!

Maddiedu

I don't know how it can be done. I don't understand the financial stuff I never took care of it.

I do want to leave to my DS I want to keep peace and uphold wishes.

DD and DS became distant when DIL came on the scene before this they were close

Perhaps DIL saw through your daughter and your son agrees with her? Maybe that’s why DH took against her? Try looking at it through you son’s eyes for a change. Maybe you could actually talk to him and see what he has to say?

I have spoken to DD about the idea of leaving money to GC instead. She sees this as a OK idea but Says I should look into not doing that as DS wouldn't like it because 50% should go to her DC and the remaining 50% should go between DS two children. I'm trying not to upset DS and I also don't want to push DD out, she's been involved in the family finances since she was a child. I can't suddenly tell her to but out when she's done nothing wrong or different to before.

I have no hatred towards DIL. She is from a family background where nobody had a will, they all lived off benefits in council housing and her DP made no provisions for her future. DH used to say people who live like that send their DC out looking for a cushy number.

If her family haven't provided for her, why should we take their responsibility?

If this isn’t a wind up then it is quite shocking in the attitudes displayed by her late husband
If it is genuine then OP is clearly not prepared to listen to advice or do anything without involving her daughter, a lost cause I’d say.

I do not understand your thought processes Maddiedu.

Your DIL has been 'your family' since your son married her, and deserves to be treated as such.

I can see why there is tension in the family.

Maddiedu

I have spoken to DD about the idea of leaving money to GC instead. She sees this as a OK idea but Says I should look into not doing that as DS wouldn't like it because 50% should go to her DC and the remaining 50% should go between DS two children. I'm trying not to upset DS and I also don't want to push DD out, she's been involved in the family finances since she was a child. I can't suddenly tell her to but out when she's done nothing wrong or different to before.

I have no hatred towards DIL. She is from a family background where nobody had a will, they all lived off benefits in council housing and her DP made no provisions for her future. DH used to say people who live like that send their DC out looking for a cushy number.

If her family haven't provided for her, why should we take their responsibility?

Can you honestly not see what awful people you, your daughter and your late husband are.
I would imagine that your son ( probably the only decent one amongst you) knows exactly what’s going to happen when you die.
I wish your son every happiness, preferably as far away from your daughter as he can get.

I don’t know why you came on here asking for advice just to ignore it. You said you wanted to treat your son fairly, but you are still letting your greedy daughter call the shots.

You can leave your money to who YOU want, don't let her dictate to you. How can you say she understands finance when she has needed to be bailed out.

If this is a genuine post then go and see a solicitor. Show him or her this thread. Ask for advice. But do not leave it all to your daughter, I guarantee she'll keep the lot. You say she wants her child to get 50% and your son's two children to have to share 50%. Doesn't even believe in treating the grandchildren equally does she? Has your DD ever contributed to family finances or has she always just taken? She sounds an entitled, unlovely person to me.

“When my DP died we kept the money to be split between DD and DS to help them into a property each. Then the prices rocketed and DS met DIL so DH and DD asked if it was ok to take the money to help DD. She was on her own and we could only help one.”

So it was your daughter who connived with your husband to get all the inheritance from your parents for herself? And you think that was fair?

Are you also planning to protect your family money from any future husband of your daughters? As you know from her first divorce, all assets and savings are considered joint funds in a divorce and both parties are entitled to a share. However you try to protect your money to go only to blood relatives, you cannot do that in the event of a divorce. Even if I leave my money to my grandchildren, what’s to say they won’t get divorced in the future when their inheritance becomes part of their joint assets?

You ask for advice here yet totally ignore what everyone is suggesting. I think in your heart you know that your husband has been unfair to your son and now you can make amends.

Your daughter will never agree to share her inheritance with her brother, she got her hands on your money years ago and is not going to let it slip away now.

Go and talk to a solicitor experienced in wills on your own without your daughter and listen to the solicitor then follow his advice without telling your daughter until your will is sorted out. I find it hard to believe that your husband, who was so dismissive of your financial understanding, would consult with a female child over money. But it is time for you to act on your own now.

If leaving to grandchildren surely they should be left equal amount. Eg 10% of money in estate divided equally between the 3 grandchildren

To be honest, why are you, OP, even bringing this up?

Your son knows for decades now you prefer your daughter over him so he most probably does not expecting anything from you at all.

I guess you and your dd like drama and create it for your own benefit?

* DH used to say people who live like that send their DC out looking for a cushy number.*

How have your son & dil supported themselves and their children for the past 20 years? You say your dil’s family made no ‘provisions’ for her, and you and your husband have chosen to only support your daughter. It appears your dil (and son) are entirely self sufficient. I’m presuming if she was looking for a ‘cushy number’, she probably would have looked elsewhere. 2 decades in, and she’s gained nothing.

Maddieu you need to grow a spine and take control of your own life. Your hateful posts about your DIL have made me see red. Your obsession with money is not attractive, either. I am also agog at how your dh in effect used his parents and yours to fund his life. Now, your daughter is using her parents and also her brother to fund her own life, which from what you say, seems to be a mess.

Do everyone a favour. Break this chain of financial abuse right now. Learn about money, go to a financial advisor or a lawyer. Educate yourself - it’s not rocket science. Then do the right thing by your son and his family and split your will 50:50.

Please go to a solicitor Maddidu. I believe a will can be challenged if potential heirs see it as unreasonable. AFAIK It isn’t the controlling device that may be imagined.

I think we might as well give upon this one. Maddiedu really isn’t listening to any of us.
Don’t know why she bothered to ask.

I have no hatred towards DIL. She is from a family background where nobody had a will, they all lived off benefits in council housing and her DP made no provisions for her future. DH used to say people who live like that send their DC out looking for a cushy number.

If her family haven't provided for her, why should we take their responsibility

This gets worse and worse. I am certain you have posted about this before and presumably you are back to see if you can get a different answer, ie that you and your ghastly, grasping daughter are right. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I don't suppose you are. As for your daughter, I have no words, well no polite ones anyway.

As you don't like the replies you are getting suggesting you see a solicitor without your daughter present, and that you are being desperately unfair, then why are you here? My opinion won't change, and I suspect nobody else's will either. You don't deserve your son and his family.

You have the opportunity to right the wrongs that have been done to your son and d.i.l. Maddiedue but the more you post, the more it looks like you lack the courage to do the right thing.

Or maybe you have no intention of following any of the advice you've received but were hoping that you'd be agreed with.

I feel sorry for your son, his wife an their children TBH.