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AIBU

Calling adult sisters 'the girls'

(156 Posts)
Beswitched Fri 01-Oct-21 11:03:22

I have a friend who is single and so is her sister. She was telling me yesterday how they both absolutely HATE being referred to as 'the girls' by family members. They are both in their early sixties, have held down responsible jobs, bought their own houses, one lived abroad for several years, and they feel a bit insulted at being referred to as if they're two young siblings living at home.

I do sympathise. My neighbour has two sibling nieces who are single and in their late 40s. She too refers to them as 'the girls' 'and I've seen a rather irritated but resigned look being exchanged between them a couple of times when she's done this.

People seem to do this far less where one or both sisters are married. AIBU to think it's a bit demeaning to refer to middle aged women like this?

Their elderly parents I would forgive as we all remain children in our parents eyes I suppose smile.
But can other relatives not just refer to them as Helen and Grace or whatever?

grannyrebel7 Fri 01-Oct-21 16:31:20

I've got a WhatsApp group with my friends called 'The girls' and we always have ' a girls' night out' too. We're all mid 60s but I can't see anything wrong with it.

3nanny6 Fri 01-Oct-21 16:33:25

I have two daughters but haver never called them the girls. I have always used their names. I also have two grand-daughters
and always call them by their names and do not say the girls.

One of my daughters will say I am taking the girls out meaning her two nieces. The "girls" have a younger brother but she rarely takes him telling me it is so much nicer to go off with the girls.

I must admit my cousin has three boys and always refers to them as "my boys" while her husband looks on saying yes and I'll be glad once they all move out.

annodomini Fri 01-Oct-21 16:35:54

I'm sure I would just have laughed it off if my sisters and I had been referred to as 'the girls'. Maybe that's what my parents would have called us in private between themselves but never to our faces. I'm afraid I do call my two sons (48 and 50) 'the boys' and my GC are 'the girls' and 'the boys'. Nobody has complained or commented.

NotSpaghetti Fri 01-Oct-21 16:40:11

I loathe the phrases "the girls" and "the boys" once people are adults.
It's both lazy and ridiculous in my opinion.

Witzend Fri 01-Oct-21 16:49:20

We still call our dds, 41 and 43, the girls, and so do other family members. I really don’t think ‘the girls’ give a hoot.

Dh’s old aunt, at 80+, was still referring to her bridge-playing cronies of similar ages, as ‘the girls’.

Nell8 Fri 01-Oct-21 17:15:39

I refer to my grown up sons and their wives collectively as "the kids". It saves time!

tickingbird Fri 01-Oct-21 17:22:12

Beswitched. The girls, the spinsters? There are far more important things to worry about.

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 01-Oct-21 17:28:51

NotSpaghetti

I loathe the phrases "the girls" and "the boys" once people are adults.
It's both lazy and ridiculous in my opinion.

I loathe them too. Don’t know about lazy, but ridiculous, very.

SueDonim Fri 01-Oct-21 17:33:40

Nell8

I refer to my grown up sons and their wives collectively as "the kids". It saves time!

Me, too. I have four DC, three of whom are married. Reeling off all their names would take so long! When referring to my own DC I have been known to refer to them collectively as the Grubs. They don’t seem to mind. grin

Yammy Fri 01-Oct-21 17:38:55

I'm often asked how are the girls. My dd's are in their 40's but don't mind. When young being close of age they often chose to dress the same One friend used to call them the girlies.
My father was one of three and did object when people asked "Hows the children?" when they were there and they could have been asked themselves.
My mother had her girlfriends and was thrilled when on holiday together they were called "The Golden Girls", after the American sitcom she thought she must have looked glamorous.

Nell8 Fri 01-Oct-21 17:40:27

Sue I love it "The Grubs" grin

hazel93 Fri 01-Oct-21 17:41:16

When I say to my husband/ OH/ DH whatever you wish "I'm going out with the girls " his eyes roll.
Could be the young members of our family, could be friends I have known for decades.
All he knows is that tomorrow she won't be cooking !

Sara1954 Fri 01-Oct-21 19:28:50

I call my two daughters the girls, and my collective female grandchildren the girls.
If my daughters and I are discussing my son and husband, we call them the boys.
I’m sixty six, but at work am frequently called young lady, why would I mind??

nadateturbe Fri 01-Oct-21 20:25:29

I suppose it does sound a bit childish. But it wouldn't bother me. Why would anyone hate it?

Beswitched Fri 01-Oct-21 20:58:06

Well as I said, it didn't occur to me until I realised how it annoyed some people, that it was something some people found belittling. But having learnt that I would avoid using it.

I haven't heard anyone complain about the term 'girls night out' or 'going out with the girls' so I suppose that has different connotations.

I would never refer to unmarried sisters as 'the spinsters', and don't know anyone who would, to answer someone upthread.

Baggs Fri 01-Oct-21 21:07:47

Someone I know uses it of the team she is in charge of. It is a close, small team and ages range from late thirties to late fifties. Nobody cares.

I'm now wondering what else they could be called... the women, the team, the carers? The girls somehow seems more friendly and less formal to me. Maybe that's why it's used. The person in question is certainly a very good team builder.

Galaxy Fri 01-Oct-21 21:09:17

That's interesting my manager uses it and I hate it.

Beswitched Fri 01-Oct-21 21:20:46

I would genuinely have thought 'oh they don't mind it' if I hadn't heard from my friend that yes they do mind it, or caught the irritated looks from my neighbour's nieces when she does this.
It's just made me realise that, whether it would ever have occurred to me or not, it makes some people feel belittled.

NotSpaghetti Fri 01-Oct-21 21:35:55

Beswitched - I don't like 'girls night out' or 'going out with the girls' either. So no, it doesn't have different connotations for me I'm afraid.

One of my daughters uses these phrases and they just make me cringe.

mumofmadboys Fri 01-Oct-21 22:28:08

I am in The girls walking group. We are all in our 60's. I like it!

stella1949 Sat 02-Oct-21 07:21:22

I don't find it demeaning at all. I meet my old friends from our nursing training days, for lunch occasionally. We always describe ourselves as "the girls" despite all being in our 70's.

I think it's just a term of endearment.

nanna8 Sat 02-Oct-21 07:42:44

It’s certainly better than being a witch or a bi that rhymes with it. Or a bunch of old chooks, come to that.

Baggs Sat 02-Oct-21 08:20:17

I wonder if those who don't mind it have generally been supposed to be younger than they were and so were assumed to be actual girls well into their adulthood. I was still called a lass or a girl when I had a baby on my back and a toddler in a buggy. I think they'd stopped assuming I'd only need to pay a half fare on the bus by then.

Then there was the one time in Edinburgh (also after two kids had arrived in my mid to late twenties), when I was cycling home from an evening meeting. As I came down onto Princes Street, well wrapped up against the cold (balaclava with a helmet on top, etc), some "young lad" in a group yelled "Are you a laddy or a lassie?" I smiled to myself and cycled on. Why would I care what someone unknown to me and who was not being aggressive thought about anything?

? If one has a healthy level of self-respect I'm not sure anyone can belittle one. Any belittling they try is about them, not you.

Galaxy Sat 02-Oct-21 08:38:00

I think having a healthy level of self respect means you say when you dont like something.

Ethelwashere1 Sat 02-Oct-21 08:46:04

No its a term of endearment. I love being a "girl"