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Is it unfair to ask me to get rid of pet

(128 Posts)
yolus Sat 09-Oct-21 14:00:47

Daughter-in-law won’t let me see my grandson unless I get rid of my pets she says grandson allergic so unless I do not letting them stay over. I love my grandkids but I don’t want to get rid of my pets . Am I being unreasonable

Peasblossom Sat 09-Oct-21 19:03:29

I’m afraid my MIL, who kept horses and dogs, just wouldn’t accept that one of my children was allergic to the hairs. She said it was a load of nonsense.

She would visit but with the dog kept in the car and even a full blown asthma attack couldn’t persuade her. It still wasn’t her or her pets.

How seriously are you taking it, yulos? I wonder.

Oldbat1 Sat 09-Oct-21 19:20:41

Sorry I would not get rid of my pets for anyone or anything. As others say they are there for you 365days a year. You haven’t said what kind of allergy. I know loads of people with severe allergies who work as Vets, Vet Nurses, stable hands, zookeepers who have allergies and/or asthma. Is it only animals grandchild is allergic to?

Callistemon Sat 09-Oct-21 20:37:04

I know loads of people with severe allergies who work as Vets, Vet Nurses, stable hands, zookeepers who have allergies and/or asthma
Perhaps different allergies.
Someone who is allergic to peanuts may not be allergic to cats.
Or shellfish. Etc.

sodapop Sat 09-Oct-21 20:45:32

It really depends on which pet he is allergic to and the severity of the allergy. For people with severe allergies even to be in the same house with animal hair is too much. I'm not sure if your daughter in law is using the word allergy loosely yolus or if this is a true allergy. Only you can decide on the importance in your life of family or pets.

Caleo Sat 09-Oct-21 20:53:45

Please don't get rid of your companion animals!
Much depends on how bad the kid's allergy is. Would he be okay if animals are in another room or in a shed in the garden when he visits?

Can you see your grandchild in his own home?

Callistemon Sat 09-Oct-21 21:01:26

Would he be okay if animals are in another room or in a shed in the garden when he visits?
It depends as DD could always tell if next door's cat had been into Grandma's house as her eyes would swell and she would start to wheeze.
It can be dangerous.

BlueBelle Sat 09-Oct-21 21:09:03

I know loads of people with severe allergies who work as Vets, Vet Nurses, stable hands, zookeepers who have allergies and/or asthma
I m sorry to doubt you oldbat but someone with an allergy to animals would not be able to do this work

Jaxjacky Sat 09-Oct-21 21:22:33

What animals do you have yo,us and what is your GC allergic to?

Jaxjacky Sat 09-Oct-21 21:23:27

Sorry, yolus.

FindingNemo15 Sat 09-Oct-21 21:58:22

You can probably see GC somewhere else. Your pets are with you all the time and give you pleasure and provide company whereas you probably only see the GC for short periods of time anyway.

Lucca Sat 09-Oct-21 22:05:38

Clearly the child cannot stay over if allergic to the animals, you don’t want your GC to be unwell do you ?
What pets do you have ?
How old is the GC?

lemongrove Sat 09-Oct-21 22:42:18


No you are not why should you get rid of your pets, pets are family and they live with you. Why should you be lonely in the rest of your life just so the grandkids can stop over now and again. I understand your grandson is allergic but maybe you could go & visit them instead as a compromise ?

Just what I think too.

SusieB50 Sat 09-Oct-21 23:02:06

My adult son is highly allergic to dogs . My daughter and family have a dog as do most of his friends do! He only has to walk into my house after DD has visited with the dog, and his face and neck start itching and his eyes become irritated. It goes quickly with an antihistamine tablet but I would not want a small child to suffer like that .I suggest you see them at their house but fully appreciate you don’t want to get rid of your dogs . It is a problem for us at family gatherings . DD is even more allergic to cats which is a shame as I would love to have had a cat ? . Both my AC have asthma but very mildly now, so it’s possible the grandchild may grow out of it .

Hithere Sat 09-Oct-21 23:04:45


What other places do you suggest for visits and what are the reasons you are given not to visit?

Where does your son stand in this situation?

CafeAuLait Sat 09-Oct-21 23:28:57

You shouldn't get rid of your pets but it is right that your GS doesn't visit if he is allergic to them.

You said that you bring other children along and think that is why DIL doesn't want to visit outside your home. Could you visit without bringing other children along?

Carenza123 Sun 10-Oct-21 01:34:49

Do not get rid of pets! There has to be a compromise!

Lauren59 Sun 10-Oct-21 02:32:51

I know I could not, would not ever get rid of my pets. I love them. I would make arrangements to see grandchildren at their home.

Hetty58 Sun 10-Oct-21 02:36:08

I have pets - and I'm allergic too - but no way would I ever give them up, that's just unthinkable.

It's quite possible, I find, to shower, change and leave the house to visit my niece, who's highly allergic.

What medication does your grandchild have? Is it an epipen situation? Has he been diagnosed and/or hospitalised? I'm suspicious.

It may well be that DIL is exaggerating the problem - or perhaps inventing it just as an excuse? If so, you could lose your pets and she'd just find another reason why they can't stay.

Don't let her dictate to you, but accept that staying over won't be an option for now. Things can and often do, change.

Washerwoman Sun 10-Oct-21 08:03:07

Hetty my thoughts too on DIL .Rarely if ever do allergies to animal dander cause the extreme anaphylaxis that say peanut allergies etc do.
I wouldn't give up my dog unless there had been a medical diagnosis of allergy.And even then would find a way round seeing DGC and keeping my dog.Sounding a bit cynical but I know someone who just hates animals, dogs in particular. Sees them as walking germs.Her children were desperate for a pet growing up but never allowed. We shared a school run for years as lived close and convenient as working mums.She seemed to ignore the fact her child got in the car with mine who had been with our two dogs and cat only minutes before.Plus our dogs went in the boot for walks all the time.
I have genuine sympathy for allergy sufferers.Our own DGC is waiting for tests for food allergies. SIL has an allergy to cat dander and I would do an extra clean and put the cat outside if fine or in the utility room if foul.If he stayed over he would take an antihistamine if necessary. It wasn't daisy's and the cat is no longer with us.But we had the cat 12 years before SIL joined the family. Our pets are family too.

multicolourswapshop Sun 10-Oct-21 08:40:47

Hoover like mad before your gs visits, the poor things allergy may be reduced if there’s less pet hairs my ds had to rid their home of their new dog due to their son having a bad reaction to its hairs. His health was paramount they had no alternative. Luckily their new pet doesn’t moult and all is well in their household. Thankfully I’ve never had that problem

Welshwife Sun 10-Oct-21 09:06:50

OH has asthma and is allergic to many animals. Some years ago his DD was staying in our house while we were away. I asked her to make sure her dog did not go into the sitting room near the upholstered furniture and she agreed. However on return OH could not go into the room without getting an attack and it took a number of cleans before he could do so particularly the sofa where the dog must have been.
I would not put any child at risk and would be very careful about showering and the clothes I wore when visiting them.

Grandmagrim Sun 10-Oct-21 09:14:50

No, don’t get rid of your pets. Suggest you keep antihistamine and or inhalers in your house, just in case. If possible pre-visits do a deep clean hoover to minimise loose hair floating in the air etc. Gentle exposure to the allergen can help allergy sufferers. Not but allergies before I get jumped on.
My son was allergic to everything inc water, as a child. We managed to have pets as long as we were careful. His reactions reduced where as my brother, who was protected from all animals, would flare up at the merest whiff of an animal.

25Avalon Sun 10-Oct-21 09:15:34

Some posters do not understand how serious an allergic reaction can be without it causing the life threatening anaphylactic reaction that peanuts do. You don’t need a medical diagnosis to know when your child is allergic to something. You just need to find out what the allergen is and avoid it. Medically the more often you are exposed to an allergen the worse the reaction will be - your body gets more intolerant rather than tolerant.

Anywhere near a horse or anyone or anything that has been a horse and dd’s eyes will swell up, and she will feel so poorly she has to go to bed for a couple of days. Puriton tablets mask it and just make her more sleepy. You would not want to put your gs through this I promise you. The only question I have is how does dil know it is dogs gs is allergic to?

Elegran Sun 10-Oct-21 10:07:32

Is it fair that you want him to stay overnight in a house where there is something that could cause him physical distress, and potentially have a serious anaphylactic reaction? If you have never seen anyone in one of those reactions, maybe you don't know how serious it is - their nose and throat swell up so that they cannot breathe, and they can die without instant medical attention. Do you really want that to happen to your grandson?

An allergy is a very real condition, it isn't just a fad of his mother's. Does he have an epipen? Can he use it himself? Do you know how to use it?

Does he react to traces of the pets on your clothes and hair if you meet him outside, after you have taken a shower and washed your hair, and put on clean clothes? If he is Ok with that, and you keep to meeting him away from the actual pets, you can see him and have fun without putting him into danger. Work with his mother on this, not against her - it is your grandson's health and life you are dealing with.

Callistemon Sun 10-Oct-21 10:12:36

Gentle exposure to the allergen can help allergy sufferers.

These experiments (and they are still experiments) should only be carried out under the strictest medical conditions by qualified doctors and with all the facilities nearby in case of a severe reaction.

Do not try this at home.