Is it unfair to ask me to get rid of pet

Why do people who start threads disappear leaving perfectly reasonable questions unanswered after numerous posters have tried to help?

Actually reading some of these posts is a bit like listening to my MIL all over again.

You don’t really know it’s the dogs or horses causing it.

You just don’t want him to come and stay.

He needs to be exposed to it.

Give him antihistamines before he comes.

He can always use his inhaler if he starts to wheeze.

I hoovered around before he came.

I put on clean clothes. Well not the coat. I brushed that down.

This is a little boy who relies on his adults to look after him. Wanting to spend time with him is no reason for making even a few hours of his life uncomfortable at the very least.

He is a person whose needs are actually, in this case, more important than the OPs.

Peasblossom
?

There is absolutely no way I would give up my pets - a pet is a member of the family like any other. I'd look for some kind of compromise, but the pet would be staying. If you take on a pet, it should be a lifetime commitment. They're not some kind of disposable commodity.

I don’t really understand why the child should have to compromise and risk being unwell.

If you take on a pet, it should be a lifetime commitment

I agree but one would hope that a grandchild is for life, not just for Christmas too.

Where is the OP?

We have asked if the allergy is real or dil is inventing it, if real how serious etc. No response. My son is very mildly allergic to our dog and very occasionally sneezes, nothing serious. At the other extreme exposure to an allergen can be fatal. If OP doesn’t provide more info we have no idea of the situation and I for one am fed up with guessing.

I'm allergic to cats and horses. I find as long as I don't touch cats it's fine, even in someones house. I have volunteered as a side walker at horse riding sessions for people with disabilities and again, as long as I don't touch the horse I am fine (I do take antihistamines with me though just in case) also I wear gloves

I'm very allergic to cats. If I'm exposed to one, I'm miserable for a few days afterwards. I wouldn't put an allergic child through that. I had a child who was the same. If someone had suggested I was making it up I'd have said bye and walked away.

Peasblossom

Actually reading some of these posts is a bit like listening to my MIL all over again.

You don’t really know it’s the dogs or horses causing it.

You just don’t want him to come and stay.

He needs to be exposed to it.

Give him antihistamines before he comes.

He can always use his inhaler if he starts to wheeze.

I hoovered around before he came.

I put on clean clothes. Well not the coat. I brushed that down.

This is a little boy who relies on his adults to look after him. Wanting to spend time with him is no reason for making even a few hours of his life uncomfortable at the very least.

He is a person whose needs are actually, in this case, more important than the OPs.

Even so she cannot get rid of her pet.Meet the child elsewhere or if that is not an option go and do something else by yourself or with a friend.

Peasblossom

I don’t really understand why the child should have to compromise and risk being unwell.

You're obviously not an animal lover!?

Well I don’t have a cat (which I would like) or a dog because I know my son couldn’t visit me ( and that it would be difficult to remove every trace if I visited him)

I don’t want him to be ill and Ido want to see him so that’s the choice I’ve made.

I do understand how important pets are to people, it’s just that he’s more important to me. I certainly don’t expect the OP to give up her pets. But it’s a choice she may have to make and it is her choice. I can’t think it’s right for a child to be made ill to satisfy what an adult wants.

I was a bit shocked by posts that say give the child antihistamines and an inhaler. These are powerful drugs ?

kircubbin2000

Peasblossom

I don’t really understand why the child should have to compromise and risk being unwell.

You're obviously not an animal lover!?

Why not? You can love people and animals.

I suppose there is a middle ground where no one has to have an inhaler and no one has to get rid of their pets.

I have a dog and over the years the kids have bought other kids round who are scared of dogs and we'd put them out of the way whilst the child was there. I know allergies are different but I imagine some mitigation regarding lessening any potential allergy reaction could be found too. Like meeting elsewhere like many people have suggested.

Who knows.

You do not have to get rid of your pets just accept that your grandson cannot visit your house.

I am most definitely an animal lover but I wouldn't risk my grandchild's health if they were really allergic. So many factors here we are not aware of though.

Teacheranne

Unfortunately I am so allergic to cats and horses that even when my daughter ( who has both) visits me, I have a reaction so need to take antihistamines! If she is staying here, she has to go straight to the bathroom for a shower and hair wash and put the clothes she wore in a bin bag. Even if she had a shower at home and wore clean clothes, she will acquire enough contamination from sitting in her car to drive here!

She jokes that I must be allergic to her!

I carry antihistamines with me all the time as well as eye drops in case I sit near a person who has cats.

This is certainly an extreme allergy.

Adds weight to the daughter in law’s issues set out in the o/p.

Resolution for me wouldn’t include removing my pets and I suspect the daughter in law doesn’t expect you to either. She’s just demonstrating how serious the problem is for the child.

Tell her that you have now read up on the problems for people with allergies and that you now understand and want to find an acceptable way forward.

If anybody doubted a medical condition and wanted me to compromise (aka health risks) for their convenience, that could be my hill to die on.

That person does not respect me as a parent and I wouldnt be able to trust this person to take care of my child in a safe manner

It is not up to the person to prove that medical condition wrong or test it

Medicating a child so he/she can visit grandma is truly the worst suggestion ever.

This is a common issue that creates many problems in families.

But no-one knows how severe this allergy is or if it exists at all and is the product of dil’s malice as OP doesn’t come back and tell us!

Germanshepherdsmum

But no-one knows how severe this allergy is or if it exists at all and is the product of dil’s malice as OP doesn’t come back and tell us!

This exactly- without more info, it is impossible to know.

It is a fact that allergies can go from mild intolerance to deadly reaction. Also clear that some people, for all sorts of reasons, can use 'allergies' to manipulate others. So impossible to respond.

I would offer to see GC in own home, and promise to put clean clothes and shower before any visits. I could not get rid of existing and established pets.

Peasblossom, big difference between deciding not to have a pet- or having to get rid of a pet that is part of your life for some time.

The point is that OP says it is not fair that she can’t have grandchild staying over. Which to me is obvious.

I agree Kali2. Her pets are her life. Nobody should tell her to get rid of them.

But obviously her grandson can’t stay or visit. That’s the choice.
Her choice.

So why complain about it?

Exactly right Peasblossom it's a choice only the OP can make.

The company Yolus (dissolved in 2016) did risk management assessment. Perhaps the poster Yolus had some connection with it? If so, Yolus should apply risk management to the danger to his/her grandson staying over in a house where his allergy could be triggered and make him seriously ill. The result would be - "Risk level at house - high. Meet elsewhere - risk level lower"

Is it fair to expose him to this, when they could meet somewhere else in safety? No need to get rid of the pet, just shower, wash hair, and wear clean clothes whenever the grandson will be near. Is that too much to ask?

I am intrigued. I’ve never had to face this issue.

What happens when this child goes to nursery, school etc and mixes with other children that have pets and pet hair on their clothing.

The grandparent isn’t the only person with pets. They are everywhere.

How do people cope with this problem?