Why do staff not intervene?

Beswitched, the staff simply aren't paid enough to police their workplace. They will be following the rules management have dictated anyway - usually no response unless there's a real hazard.

Why should they intervene on your behalf? Be strong and confront the parents (I often have) or just put up with the disruption. that's your choice.

A friend went to a carvery for lunch - then complained to staff about unruly children! Staff response was that it's a family restaurant and they were entitled to enjoy themselves too. My input - 'What did you expect? Choose somewhere else if you value peace and quiet'.

Or drop a Yorkshire pud on their head as they hurtle past.

A few years ago in a Costa Coffee, a laid back and totally unaware father was allowing his two young children both pre school, to run around the shop playing some boisterous game, an accident waiting to happen for sure, whilst he was immersed in his newspaper. People walking about with cups of scalding hot coffee left most customers completely on edge. In the end, one of the members of staff took the unprecedented step, I say that because usually they don't step in such situations, of suggesting, given he had finished his drink, perhaps it would be better if he took his children out of the shop as their behaviour was impacting on everyone around. He looked somewhat put out but did leave without argument.

Hetty58

Beswitched, the staff simply aren't paid enough to police their workplace. They will be following the rules management have dictated anyway - usually no response unless there's a real hazard.

Why should they intervene on your behalf? Be strong and confront the parents (I often have) or just put up with the disruption. that's your choice.

A friend went to a carvery for lunch - then complained to staff about unruly children! Staff response was that it's a family restaurant and they were entitled to enjoy themselves too. My input - 'What did you expect? Choose somewhere else if you value peace and quiet'.

I agree that the floor staff shouldn't have to confront rude customers (as I've already said) .
But I'm afraid I disagree with the rest of your post. Customers are paying to have a meal on your premises so it is the responsibility of managers to ensure that paying customers are not inconvenienced by unacceptable (and sometimes unsafe) behaviour from other customers.
It is not up to customers to police the place, it is up to management.

A few years ago, travelling on the megabus, a child was wailing and screaming for a little while.
Then the driver told the parents that if they didnt sort it out, they would have to get off!
I was quite amazed, as were they, but not a peep was heard from their child again. (I actually sympathised; I felt like wailing myself, being stuck on that bus for hours)

I work in retail, I have for years. Mothercare was the worse for this. They sold wheelie things they weren’t put out for playing with. Sometimes you would have 3 or 4 9 year olds (old enough to know better) whizzing round the store.
I once had a toe broken when a little minx tried to ride her scooter through an isle where I couldn’t get out of the way so she just decided to run over me. You could see in her eyes when she decided to just plough on.
What exactly does the OP suggest I should do. You can’t “tell off” other people’s children. The best you’ll get if you complain to the parent is they will call out an ineffectual “ stop it” with no engagement. Worse will be a tirade and a complaint to management.
About the broken toe, parents only concern was the little brat hadn’t hurt herself or the scooter.

I feel for the staff and owners of restaurant, they have had such a hard time through lockdown and don’t deserve those type of customers. They are often not even breaking even. I don’t. Know what the answer is. I have left a restaurant because if it before ordering and told the staff why.

Mogsmaw

I work in retail, I have for years. Mothercare was the worse for this. They sold wheelie things they weren’t put out for playing with. Sometimes you would have 3 or 4 9 year olds (old enough to know better) whizzing round the store.
I once had a toe broken when a little minx tried to ride her scooter through an isle where I couldn’t get out of the way so she just decided to run over me. You could see in her eyes when she decided to just plough on.
What exactly does the OP suggest I should do. You can’t “tell off” other people’s children. The best you’ll get if you complain to the parent is they will call out an ineffectual “ stop it” with no engagement. Worse will be a tirade and a complaint to management.
About the broken toe, parents only concern was the little brat hadn’t hurt herself or the scooter.

I sympathise. As I said (twice) I don't think the staff on the floor sh have to take the initiative. But managers should be dealing with these situations, and having clear policies (and signage if necessary) to ensure that staff who do intervene (in the absence of a manager) have proper support and back up.

it is a flouting of health and safety rules within a business that has customers within it.
If a child was hurt while running about between staff serving hot food and drinks the parents would sue and claim thousands.............it is of course the parents fault but they would win.

I understand why staff won't tackle the parents. When I was teaching I went into some schools where you could be berated and even attacked for "picking on our Jimmy". You can usually tell who might do that. I have asked parents to control their child but what I find really useful is my "teacher's stare" which I fix on one or more of the children. It's amazing how quickly they feel the stare and go back to their seat
I did know someone who used to get up and walk slowly past the children. She would sometimes bend closer to one of them and whisper something. These included "You know what happened to the last lot of children who ran about in here don't you?"-pause-"They made lovely soup" or something equally scary. If the child protested to its parents she would say she just asked the way to the toilet. She looked so respectable no one ever believed the child.

trisher, I love your ‘teacher’s stare’!

I have a similar one, know to dds as ‘mum’s scary eyes’ face, which they used to request now and then, and then hide squealing behind the sofa cushions.

I don’t mind admitting that more than once I’ve used it on some ghastly noisy brat in a supermarket queue - it’s worked a treat. After all, what can they say? ‘Mum, that lady looked at me!’ ??

I feel so sorry for the staff when confronted with unruly children.
My DGD worked in a well known coffee shop during the Summer holidays and had a few times when she had to ask children to be careful what they where doing,in one instance she was told by a "yummy mummy" that it was the only time she had chance to relax and as long as the cafe door was closed her child was safe,DGD came away with the conclusion that the mum was using the staff as unpaid babysitters whilst she had her coffee,unbelievable.

It’s difficult being a parent, I remember being a fairly strict one in public….no running, being too loud and all the usual … However one day travelling through the airport my eldest took off at a running pace straight in front of an older gent with a brief case. Needless to say gent and case went sprawling, these things happen and nobody wants to be the cause.

They're more likely to happen when children are running around, though, particularly in somewhere with hot drinks and food being served.

At the hairdressers I used to frequent they had signs at each station that children were their parents responsibility and control snd would be asked to leave if they did not take charge

My local pub used to have a sign on tables stating that staff were not babysitters, and parents were to look after their own children.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202110/medium-714703-3cb985a400000578-4184048-this-restaurant-makes-it-very-clear-that-they-don-t-want-childre-a-46-1486041446809.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202110/medium-702208-3cb985ee00000578-4184048-restaurant-owners-have-made-all-sorts-of-tongue-in-cheek-threats-a-42-1486041430745.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202110/medium-655964-3cb9858200000578-4184048-if-your-child-disappears-from-view-then-they-might-just-be-turne-a-47-1486041450486.jpg

A few of these, strategically placed, might do the trick.

Because the customer is always right ?plus don’t want to loss any tips might be coming their way!!!!

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Not sure what happened to the images, but let's try again.

I dare say the staff are not allowed to say anything.

I used to work in a small local library with a very good children’s section, where most of the children were well behaved, but now and then we’d get one who’d run around screaming, bashing into old ladies who were trying to choose books in peace, etc.

We were not supposed to say anything. But we did, sometimes, and I once did ask, fairly firmly, a child who was bashing some hard toy - hard! - on one of the a computer keyboards - to desist. The mother (who of course wasn’t anywhere near) was irate - how un-child friendly, and she actually wrote in to complain!
And we got a ticking-off from the management.

What would really irritate me most was the odd mother who’d say in that wet, useless-parent tone to one of the running around and screaming ones, ‘Don’t do that, or ‘the lady’ will be cross.’
NB not, ‘Don’t do that, because we don’t run around screaming in the library.’ ?

Well, technology never ceases to surprise me!

allsortsofbags

Is it really reasonable to expect staff to challenge parents on their children's behaviour ?

I'm not sure it is "Safe" or reasonable to expect staff - often young people on minimum wage - to intervene.

I think the reasons they don't are 1) not wanting to be the recipient of abuse and 2) fear of being sacked if there are complaints about any intervention they dared to make.

I also wonder how many workers in difficult situations know what they can do, are expected to do and what backing they'd get from management if they did get involved.

I know as a customer I would be very careful about speaking to the parents about their children's behaviour for fear of being attacked.

I'm not so bothered about any verbal come back there are other forms of reprisals and for staff they still have to carry on with their job after any abuse. May be that's why they don't get involve.

Would it be worth be physical abuse or having your business/ property damaged ? Something that has to be considered in situations such as this.

If children are that badly behaved what are the parents really like ?

Too many unknowns these days I don't blame the staff for not getting involved.

It's sad, it's annoying and some behaviours may even put other people in danger but there would have to be a real chance of someone being hurt before I said anything.

Are those parents/Adults being unreasonable in allowing disruptive behaviours? Yes, IMO they are.

Would I stick my neck out? Only in exceptional circumstances.

Therefore, I would Not expect staff to make challenges that I wouldn't make.

The staff have to be in their place of work every shift not just for the duration of any group of customers and may have had to endure worse behaviour than disrupts our visits.

So as annoying as disruptive behaviour is I don't think it is "Safe" or reasonable to expect "staff" to address the behaviour of others. Too many risks these days.

not if its couched in terms of "bad behaviour" but in terms of what their third party insurance allows and health and safety then yes someone should be intervening...and no not a young server but the manager. I have got a young relative who worked in hospitality and because he was a well built no nonsense type but very good with people he was often asked to deal with such situations.

It really annoys me how few people will speak up and complain even to management, about badly behaved children. I appreciate what's been said about staff being scared of getting a mouthful of abuse or worse being physically attacked, but we do need to stand up and be counted if we want to have a decent, well mannered society. I believe that like in the hairdresser's mentioned in 'Keeper1's' comment, and the pub in 'Beswitched', that clear notices should be displayed around places where children are in adult environments, and if the parent fails to control their children, then they should be forced to leave. Maybe in such places if as families enter they were given something to sign agreeing to keep their children under control, they would be a little more likely to do so, and failure to sign, would result in non admittance. Just a thought.

Dd is a teacher. 2 years ago the new woke head decided there should be no rewards or punishment. Children weren’t allowed to be told off even for stopping other children learning by being deliberately disruptive. They were just to be told that they must be feeling upset to behave like it. It escalated to the point one child threatened another with a knife in the dining room, and physically attacked teachers. Dd had a chair thrown at her and was about to give up teaching. She is fortunately now in a school where there is a discipline and rewards system. The children are happy and so is she.

Vote with your feet.

We go to a lovely place to eat. It has beautiful garden views and pictures of our GC on the walls.
The chef is a bit overworked though!!