friend not being a friend?

It sounds like you’ve been a lovely friend and I can understand where you’re coming from. My guess is that you becoming ill has heightened your friend’s already heightened health anxieties, which are totally understandable given her medical history, and she has been really, really struggling to cope. Take care x

Have just asked DD by text if they will all test before we set off in car on Saturday-answer NO!
So think we’ll be going in our own car ?

PinkCakes, you’ve had the vaccine so well done, you obviously saw the good sense in that. It’s a shame you had such a terrible illness in order to get your vaccine, but thankfully you are well now and moving forward. I also had serious Covid, but not as bad as you because although I was on oxygen for many days, I didn’t need a ventilator and I didn’t have a stroke. You are a very lucky lady to have survived all that so well. I am vaccinated and am waiting for my booster, sometime in November. I’m terrified of getting Covid again because I had a really bad time in hospital, but not as bad as you did.
With regard to your friend, I’m afraid you’ll have to take it slowly. She’s been very frightened by your illness and is probably angry with you for failing to do the sensible thing and get vaccinated when it was first offered. When I had Covid I hadn’t had the vaccine because it hadn’t been offered to me then, that’s the difference between us. I haven’t lost any friends as a result of having Covid but that’s because my friends and family know it wasn’t my fault that I got so ill. You will need to build back slowly with this relationship I think, there is no way you can rush it. Maybe send her a note or some flowers and say how you regret not having the vaccine and have now had it. Please complete the course and get the second vaccine, and later the third.

PinkCakes you seem determined your friend is in the wrong here. Yet you just put down her down, judged her on her need to work and her doing an exam for a job she obviously cares about. She also is under stress and you have made it about you.

I really think you need to listen and treat your friend more kindly or you are going to lose the relationship

I should add that the last time I saw her was the end of June, when I picked her up for Zumba. She came back to my house too. I messaged her about an hour ago, she said she's been stressed because she's taken on extra work and an exam, (she's 64, got 2yrs left at work, definitely doesn't need the money, she could retire now if she wanted to) and that she hadn't realised how long it's been since she saw me.

Crikey Newquay, I have to say I wouldn’t be in a confined space with them, in a car or in the house.

Your post has generated much response! Each saying the same. I sincerely hope you are not too distressed by it all ? Please understand that posters are genuinely concerned for you and really hope you are ok and have reconsidered your decision not to be vaccinated.

Yes we are, because unvaccinated people as you were are much more likely to spread the virus, potentially killing or seriously disabling others even if they are vaccinated, and to clog up hospital beds as you did, so they are unavailable for people with serious non-covid illnesses, and place the NHS staff under unnecessary stress. Anti-vaxxers make many of us very angry indeed.

Numbers are rising here and yet our local DD and family are all anti vaxxers. We had a very robust conversation about it and-from time to time-I ask if they’ve been vaccinated yet and it’s always NO! they’re intelligent, well educated folk who have fallen for all these (predominantly) American inaccuracies. We see them in the garden occasionally but usually on FT. We’re supposed to be going with them-in their vehicle-to a zoo outing this weekend. Think I’d feel safer in our car. And we’re invited to theirs for Christmas meals too!

For the record, YES, I have had the vaccine since. My friend was happy to be in my car, go to Zumba, come to my home before I was I'll. I hadn't had the vaccine then, she had. When I was in hospital, some of the NURSES hadn't had the vaccine. On the other hand, several people (in 6 weeks the patients came and went) HAD had one or both vaccines but still got Covid. How very judgemental many of you are.

I agree with all the above and hope that you have now been vaccinated?

She viewed you as a dear and close friend. Illness was not new to her after her own experiences, but then she saw you make a decision that nearly took your life and cost her great concern. I think I would also harbor angry feelings.

I agree with above- antivaxxer is a red flag

You say she was also concerned and anxious with covid

Very bad combination

You were very lucky to recover PinkCakes and I glad you have. I’m of the same opinion as everyone else. Help regain that friendship and have the vaccination. Your friend still shows she cares by organising the card.

Sorry you were so ill and glad that you’ve recovered, hope you’ve now had your jab.
I agree with all the others I’m afraid. No one’s safe til we’re all safe.

that rare thing has appeared: a gransnet consensus.
which which i concur.

You caught Covid, you were seriously ill enough to be put on a ventilator, then you had a stroke.

What, may I ask, did you think that the vaccine would do to you which would be worse than that?

With the benefit of hindsight, do you now wish you had had the vaccine?

Surely you must see that your friend is frightened. She was probably very distressed when you were so ill and does not want to catch Covid! Unvaccinated people are likely to catch Covid and very likely to pass it to others .Vaccinated people can still catch Covid !!!! I am very pleased you have recovered - you were very fortunate and had highly a skilled medical team to pull you through. I sincerely hope you have now had the good sense to have the vaccination? I would not be happy spending time with an unvaccinated friend. I do not understand why you seem so unaware and amazed that your friend is keeping her distance- it's plain as a pikestaff ! You were / are NOT VACCINATED!!!!!! Dont loose a good friend over this , get the jabs ASAP . Without vaccination you are a threat to others. I know this sounds harsh but I feel very strongly indeed about this. You were so ill and lucky to recover, please don't hesitate get jabbed .

I really think the answer is in all the replies above.

Perhaps she is angry with you for putting yourself at risk, angry that you could have died and probably very hurt about it.

To you maybe that doesnt make sense but to her it's as if you decided to willingly jump off a cliff without knowing if the tide was in.

Couple that with her anxiety around covid and you have an angry, hurt, anxious friend who obviously wants to do the right thing but isn't ready to see you in person.

I think you need to talk this out with her and find out.

I think the same as everyone on here. You apparently are anti the Covid vaccine, which you are allowed to be, but you cannot expect everyone you know to wish to associate with you in the same way they did before Covid vaccines were available. People are afraid of getting Covid, and as you have shown, people who are not vaccinated are more likely to get Covid and be very ill with it. Therefore they are also more likely to spread Covid. And so you have your answer.

I doubt many people would want to meet up with someone who has decided not to be vaccinated. I fear you have only yourself to blame.

I think you ve answered your own question
You’re an anti vaxer and I would imagine you still haven’t had it or have you ?
I have one friend who won’t be vaccinated I don’t mind being in her company but one of our mutual friends will not meet up with her at all and said she won’t while she is not vaccinated and as she has no intention of getting the vaccine I guess that friendship has finished
Do you recognise that you probably wouldn’t have been so ill if you had had the vaccine you had pneumonia, CoviD on a ventilator and unconscious followed by a stroke that’s awful Do you believe in the vaccine now ?

I would certainly ring and say thank you for the card and say are you ok with me not being vaccinated or does it bother / worry you and then your know. You may find your Zumba class are worried too but your perfectly within your right to not have it but at least your know then and she may say let's compromise and meet in parks or gardens.
You don't have to justify why you don't want it, it's a choice . I was pretty scared having my first as previously had anaphylaxis shock with an infusion medication years previous and that's an awful experience. But I was fine on both and now booked my booster but I've friends and a family member who don't want it and that's totally their choice. I still meet them. It's just she may be scared or it could be something totally different and something was said to her while you were poorly. Ring her .
Also I hope your be feeling as good as new soon, what an awful part of your journey. Let's hope now, your best is yet to come

I also think she may have suppressed feelings of "I told you so" and is making the choice to avoid you rather than express here resentment. Let it go for now and see if she comes around.

I wouldn’t - and haven’t - visit friends who are antivaxxers. Not in person.