To wish she would be the same with us?

I think some of you are being very rude.
Is there any need for it?

Your housekeeper obviously knows the difference between employer/employee and although you can be friends to a degree she is there to do a job. It may be that she just does not feel the need to be over friendly.

Totally unreasonable yes

What an enjoyable thread! Whether true or a wind-up, surely something of a first-world problem?

I don't think anyone is being rude MissAdventure I think you are being rather naive!

There is quite a bit of rudeness here. In the Caribbean, the lady who comes either every week day or three days a week is called the Housekeeper. I think the local lady who does cleaning, washing and ironing and other duties prefer to be called Housekeeper more than cleaner, because they do more than cleaning and when I am away ( as now) she supervises the gardener ( this title is very loose as he cuts the grass and chops excessive tree branches.) I am too old to run this house as it is much larger than normal which is quite common here. the heat is too much and i could not do the garden. My son works nearly an hour away from home and is extremely busy. Local people often stay for many years working for one family provided they are decently paid and well looked after. Local people do need jobs and hours fit in with their family needs. i am in touch on Whatsapp with our housekeeper about the dogs and any stuff she wants me to bring in from UK. So it is not a matter of being snobbish but just going with the flow. I never forget that i grew up in a council house in Liverpool and I am also rather Australian in my ways. I cannot stand stuck up people, so just remember it is a matter of where you live as many people have guessed.

Sago

This is exactly why our butler got the heave ho!

Haha!

MissA, I know someone living alone in a small cottage who calls her cleaner her housekeeper. She only does the cleaning, doesn’t order food/supervise other staff or any of the things a proper housekeeper - who literally keeps the house in order and the household running - is employed to do.

Does it matter though?

I just think in her case, perhaps OP’s too, it’s an affectation but no, it doesn’t matter what she’s called, the answer remains Yes.

My Dad as a child lived with servants when his father was posted to India with the army.
We used to think that was terribly snobby and they should have done their own chores.
He explained that the servants came with the house, and if his parents hadn't employed them they would have been most unpopular as the local workers relied on the army families for their livelihood.

The person is doing a job of work. Respect her and leave her to choose who she wants to be friends with.

I presume you have a large house and the need for a housekeeper / cleaner and I presume you need to keep a professional relationship with your staff I don’t remember Downton Abbey staff having close relationships with their Lord and Lady if the house. Keep it on the right level!

What the old saying about ‘mixing business with pleasure “.

Why doesn't the housekeeper collect the kids from swimming?

Socialising with household staff is very unusual and should only ever be a professional relationship. Expecting a housekeeper to become your friend is a strange request, unwelcome by your housekeeper I would imagine.

I’ve never had cleaners etc. but can’t ever imagine wanting to socialise with them if I did. I would imagine it could lead to taking liberties...on either side.

You are actually employing a person/s by giving regular cash payments for the services they carry out for you.
Do you see this payment more as a 'thank you' ? hence what seems a friendship between you ?
Although appreciative of what is done for you it is no more than employer and employee.Maybe a gift at Xmas no more than that.

I think it's weird to have a 'friendly' relationship with staff. They are paid to do a job - not to be a friend. You can't 'buy' friends, and shouldn't try to!

I think it's weird to have a 'friendly' relationship with staff. They are paid to do a job - not to be a friend

We like our gardener. He and DH chat about all sorts, not just gardening. He's very interesting and a great source of local information. Just as well he doesn't charge by the hour ?

Why is it people have to make snide and nasty comments? I never quite get it. The lady expressed a view that she would like a better relationship with an employee. No need for these snidey comments

To me the kind of relationship for want of a better word that OP is describing to the various women who work for her, was quite usual in the 1950s and 60s where although cleansers, home-helps, housekeepers or whatever they were called were paid to do a job, a pretence was kept up in many families that these women were family friends.

My mother had this kind of relationship with our daily help, but today I think most people, both employers and employees , prefer a more professional relationship.

It sounds nice to say, "she is as much a friend as an employee" but it has its disadvantages: it becomes nearly impossible for the one to complain about the way the other is behaving and makes terminating the agreement practically impossible without a lot of hard feelings.

I would never expect an a person I was paying to do a job to become a friend - if they do become a friend, well and good, but it would make it harder for me to ask them to do the job they had originally come into my home to do.

So yes, to me OP, you are being unreasonable.

If you are satisfied with this person's work, keep her on, but don't try to make her a friend.

Yellowmellow

Why is it people have to make snide and nasty comments? I never quite get it. The lady expressed a view that she would like a better relationship with an employee. No need for these snidey comments

The lady asked AIBU. That necessitated us either agreeing with her or not.

Work and social life keep separate