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To wish she would be the same with us?

(133 Posts)
TopsyAndTim Thu 14-Oct-21 17:55:36

Our housekeeper has been with us for 7 months. We have always had a good relationship with our cleaners and helpers who we employ in our home. They become like family and we socialise with them etc.
Our current housekeeper left her last job not by choice. The lady whose house she looked after died and she was very young. Very sad all round. She still sees the family and seems close to all the relatives etc. Yet with us, there seems to be a barrier and although we have offered to take her out with us, come to dinner etc, she always turns us down. Aibu to wish she would have the same relationship with us as she does with them?

Franbern Mon 18-Oct-21 08:43:55


It is not that unusual to have staff, a neighbour employed a housekeeper, nanny, cleaner and gardner because she had four children quite close together. This is just a street of semi detached houses not country piles.

Wow!! assume none of them 'lived in'.
Well, my first two children were eleven months apart, following a couple of years later by No. 3 and then two years on by 4 & 5 together. The youngest joined the family at eleven months 18 months later. So, six of them with just seven years between them.
Yes, I was a full-time Mother. No, never had a Nanny for them (that was me), no cleaner/keeper , house was usually in a too much of a mess for anyone to try to sort - toys, etc. everywhere - bit of dust did none of us any harm - great times. Garden was just the outdoors play area. Meals were all cooked from scratch.

Would say that at one time in my life I gave in to persuasion by a very close friend and went to work for her in her business (not at her home). It all ended so badly - and we lost that friendship. Hard to combine friendships with employment in my experience.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 18-Oct-21 10:55:44

Crikey Franbern, you deserve a medal!

sazz1 Thu 21-Oct-21 16:16:46

I've had a cleaner and live in mother's help while I was running a business with OH working away for months at a time. With 4 children on my own and working long hours it helped immensely and I could afford it. When I sold the business they left as I was quite capable and energetic enough to manage. People's circumstances sometimes mean employing help is necessary.
But although I was friendly and approachable I never thought of socialising with them outside of working hours. OP it's a business arrangement not friends on tap.

biglouis Fri 29-Oct-21 01:17:38

I once worked for an organization where there was a strong element of socializing with bosses because we organized a lot of international conferences. Meals out etc are part of the programme of entertaining visitors. I went to about 50% of the functions but invented a boyfriend so I had an excuse to say no part of the time.

Like many people I prefer to keep work and private life as separate as possible.

I would not expect to invite a cleaner/housekeeper out unless it was a very special occasion in which we had a mutual interest. This is why you offer them a bonus at christmas and holiday time so they can enjoy themselves as they wish.

Puzzled Sat 30-Oct-21 15:38:06

In my view, there should be mutual respect (And not the "Tugging the forelock" kind. One can, and should, have good relations and friendly relations with those who who work for you.
If I met folk who who nominally worked for me (Expected to carry out my wishes, (Although not responsible in the strict chain of command) out of work, they were treated as any other person with whom I had a good relationship.
If friendship blossoms, all well and good, as long as it does not blur the boundaries.
In this case, it sounds as if the employee wants to stay on their side of the boundary, form the present at least, and that should be respected.

You wouldn't expect to spend the rest of your life with someone who had refused to get engaged.

notgran Thu 04-Nov-21 10:30:18

I have read all this thread and a couple of others from TopsyAndTim, surely it is a wind up? I am wondering if it is a Task from the TV Series Taskmaster or something else of a similar practical joke variety. Very entertaining, thank you T&T.

Hetty58 Thu 04-Nov-21 11:24:57

notgran, it seems that TopsyAndTim lives in a very strange world indeed!