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AIBU

Am I being unreasonable not to want to go to the pub??

(37 Posts)
NotTooOld Fri 26-Nov-21 21:56:40

A U3A group I belong to regularly goes to the pub after an evening meeting. It is a small pub and we are a large group so we sit close together around one table for a drink and a chat. This generally lasts for about an hour. I am happy to go to the meeting where we can remain reasonably socially distanced but I don't want to go to the pub where we cannot. Other members seem to have no problem with the pub, so am I being unreasonable?

Ali08 Tue 07-Dec-21 11:22:53

If you don't want to go, don't go! Simple as.
Don't make up excuses, just excuse yourself from going, say you're going home and if they ask just tell them it feels too crowded for you - exactly what you're telling us!
You shouldn't go, or be made or expected to go, somewhere where you feel uncomfortable!!
Put yourself and your health first!!

Grandmagrim Wed 01-Dec-21 15:55:16

Absolutely not, nor do you need to justify your choices to them or anyone else.

granfromafar Sun 28-Nov-21 23:23:52

Thanks to Jaxjacky for putting the link. I joined our local group a few years ago but now I'm retired I seem to be too busy doing other things! There are groups all over the country so easy to find a local one.

JaneJudge Sun 28-Nov-21 21:31:08

that looks like an interesting organisation smile

Jaxjacky Sun 28-Nov-21 21:24:08

This may help JaneJudge
www.u3a.org.uk/

JaneJudge Sun 28-Nov-21 20:42:07

granfromafar

U3A is University of the 3rd age

could you explain further? what do they do? smile

granfromafar Sun 28-Nov-21 20:41:13

U3A is University of the 3rd age

JaneJudge Sun 28-Nov-21 20:33:17

What is U3A?

I agree do what you feel comfortable with though, it doesn't matter what others think really

ValerieF Sun 28-Nov-21 20:25:26

Don’t think YABU so long as you don’t try to encourage others nor to go. Personal choice. Accept they are going to pub and you don’t want to.

Kim19 Sat 27-Nov-21 21:07:27

Can't see what's unreasonable about doing exactly what you want and within your comfort zone. I take it someone is badgering you since you feel the need to ask this?

NotTooOld Sat 27-Nov-21 16:45:48

Thank you all for your wise words!

Amberone Sat 27-Nov-21 15:46:42

M0nica

Questions of unreasonableness do not enter into it. It is entirely a question of what you feel safe and comfortable doing. If others want to sit hugger mugger, that is their choice. If you do not you are as free as them to make your choice

??

Teacheranne Sat 27-Nov-21 10:37:51

It’s not unreasonable to take precautions that make you feel safe. I am also going to group meetings in large venues and also out for meals in restaurants but am not yet comfortable going to very large events such as concerts, cinemas, theatres etc.

I have not been to a pub just to socialise but I have eaten at them, sat in groups of six or so in the dining area. It took getting used to but after I had been a couple of times, I relaxed and began to enjoy them again. Living on my own some distance from my family, lockdowns were very lonely and at 65 years old, I felt too young to shut myself away any longer.

You must do whatever makes you feel comfortable, good ventilation is important and it is hard to guarantee that in a pub bar area.

lemsip Sat 27-Nov-21 10:25:12

I would do same as you, give the pub visit a miss! It is all to easy to get swept in with others then go home and worry that everyone was too close... Have found myself in that situation so avoid them now. Look after number one.

Dickens Sat 27-Nov-21 10:13:02

M0nica

Questions of unreasonableness do not enter into it. It is entirely a question of what you feel safe and comfortable doing. If others want to sit hugger mugger, that is their choice. If you do not you are as free as them to make your choice

... nailed it!

How can it possibly be unreasonable - regardless of the virus - to make a choice about how or where you spend your time socialising? No-one has to conform to another's demands in this arena.

Daisymae Sat 27-Nov-21 09:55:46

Your being perfectly reasonable and pragmatic. 50000 cases yesterday and it's easy to see why. The pandemic is only over in some people's minds.

Jackiest Sat 27-Nov-21 09:02:18

There is someone in the group I go walking with and when we stopped for coffee he always sits outside and keeps his distance. Everyone accepts that and no one thinks badly of him.

Beswitched Sat 27-Nov-21 09:00:36

We're being asked here in Ireland to prioritise when it comes to our social lives, and basically select a few things we really want to do and then turn down the others.
If you don't want to go to the pub then that's not a priority whereas visiting family or meeting an old friend for coffee might be.

rosie1959 Sat 27-Nov-21 09:00:08

My stepmums U3A have started attending lunches out which she enjoys as she lives alone They do ask members to do a lateral flow test before they attend
I did ask her if she was worried but she pointed out to me that at her age what was she staying at home waiting for Covid to go

BlueBelle Sat 27-Nov-21 08:50:19

I d go especially if it was a group I was already with, but we re all different and if you’re not comfortable with it then of course don’t go , it’s entirely up to each individual to make up their own minds and no one on the forum can make it up for you You will get those saying yes and those saying no make your own mind up and do what you are happy with

notgran Sat 27-Nov-21 08:38:43

One of the "pay offs" of these Pandemic restrictions is that you know in your own heart, you must do what you feel safest and happiest doing. Other people must do the same. We are all masters of our own destiny and are not here to comply with other people's demands. You keep yourself socially distanced for as long as it suits you.

eazybee Sat 27-Nov-21 07:50:19

If you have been meeting regularly with your U3A group I would say you were safe, particularly if the pubs are like my local ones, virtually empty.
I wish the U3A groups to which I belong would meet again face to face, but one group in particular is prevented by two almost hysterical men who insist everyone has to wear a mask at all times, make their own coffee one at a time and sit two metres apart. As our hearing is not of the best this makes any meeting unworkable, so we continue with zoom which is dominated by those with the loudest voices, guess who,one of whom is the chairman.

maddyone Fri 26-Nov-21 23:16:55

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. You are happy at the meeting where you can socially distance, but not in a crowded pub. Just tell them what you’ve told us, and they should understand and respect your decision. We went out for meals very happily during the summer as we could eat outside or eat in a pub/restaurant with the doors open. Now that people have retreated indoors we don’t go out so much. If we do, we prefer to go at lunchtime when there are fewer people around. Evening dining or pub visits are off limits for us at the moment. It’s our choice, others may choose differently.

Josianne Fri 26-Nov-21 23:08:30

If you know the members of your group are generally being careful in their own lives, then sitting round a table with them seems reasonable. What would worry me more is extending my social matrix to mingle with random strangers also in the pub at that time.

M0nica Fri 26-Nov-21 22:47:45

Questions of unreasonableness do not enter into it. It is entirely a question of what you feel safe and comfortable doing. If others want to sit hugger mugger, that is their choice. If you do not you are as free as them to make your choice