AIBU to want my husband to take less risks while I help our daughter with her new baby?

The thing is that having the vaccine is a Personal choice.. You have your beliefs and he has his. He himself might be feeling forced and under pressure to do something that he clearly does not want to do

He doesn't see it as you do, you feel he may bring covid to the family but he does not believe that he will and that's why he does not feel selfish

I do understand your concerns I really do however perhaps if you approached calmly with No pressure and maybe presented him with some facts, that would work better than judging him for his personal choice

I am going o the main subject here .
Nanny2020
I think you are wonderful going to hep your daughter. Both o my children were difficult births and my mother hardly showed her face.
Keep up the good work no matter what your husband does

Firstly I'm fully vaccinated including the booster.
That said I don't believe this vaccine works to prevent covid as some members of my family have caught it and they are fully vaccinated. One member of my extended family died of it. So I can't see any reason for vaccine passports or fear of unvaccinated people as we are all able to catch it and spread it.
Your OH is a fool if he thinks he's protected now. He should not be mixing in large groups.
You are very sensible to limit contact with others.

Nanny2020

Do you know what makes it worse?? Last year my son and his family lived with us for 10months to ride out the pandemic outside the city to keep their new baby safe ! We basically wouldn’t see my daughter who was a nurse working through it all , and now they can’t see her perspective and prioritise seeing her . It gets me so angry at the utter selfishness of people . I thought I raised them to differently. .
My thoughts were just celebrate with her this year and let them go mingle everywhere else that they want to be !

This just gets worse doesn’t it. Your son sounds so selfish. Do you think it could be a cover for anxiety?

Whatever the reason, avoid them, and sorry for repeating myself.

My heart goes out to you. You know you are not the unreasonable one in this situation.
All you can do is focus on what you know to be the safe course of action for you, your daughter and her baby.

Nanny, your husband is being a totally selfish person. People like him spread the virus. I would not want to be round him and risk anything happening to yourself. I don’t think I would want to stay married to him, but that’s just me, I would lose all respect for him I’m afraid.
Your son, let him do what he wants, his decision, see him in a few years if that’s what he wants, but I would explain that you have totally opposite views and you are doing what you think is right, Ring your son if you must, you don’t want a permanent rift, just kindly say how it is and sorry it’s going to be a long time before you can safely meet up. Leave it at that.
I so sorry you are in this position, thank goodness your daughter and your gd bring joy into your life and you have helped her through a very traumatic time,?

Don't call him back. That will underline your response.

Thanks everyone so very much for responding ?now ball is in my court to call him back . As I was in tears and ended the call abruptly during his anti COVID restriction rant .

Do you know what makes it worse?? Last year my son and his family lived with us for 10months to ride out the pandemic outside the city to keep their new baby safe ! We basically wouldn’t see my daughter who was a nurse working through it all , and now they can’t see her perspective and prioritise seeing her . It gets me so angry at the utter selfishness of people . I thought I raised them to differently. .
My thoughts were just celebrate with her this year and let them go mingle everywhere else that they want to be !

He's a selfish man. You should just keep your distance. My dh knows how vulnerable I am and covid would definately see me off so he is very careful.

I'm with DiscoDancer1975. The issue is health of you all. Health of a newborn baby.

It's very sad, that you won't get to see your GD from your oldest son. But he's making that choice. Not you. NOT that you can explain that to her.

Ultimately, we all have to make our own choices in this pandemic. It's very sad that your husband can't put a newborn baby before himself, but you can't change him. He's an idiot if he thinks his selfishness won't change how you feel about him though.

It’s so hard isn’t it? But your health, and that of your daughter and baby grandchild are paramount, even at the risk of not seeing your son. I understand his frustration. We’re all the same, but how much worse would it be if one of you died? It may cut contact for a while, whilst he’s got the hump....but death ends it forever.

You stick to doing what you know is right. Your husband and son will have to stew.

Take care ?

Oh dear. What a thoughtless selfish so and so! Let your DH and DS spend Christmas together and you go and have a safe and happy time with your daughter and her new little family.

Update 2 : like father like son ! I just finished a horrible call from my oldest son who wanted me to be aware they have no intention of keeping their contacts to a minimum, they see many people are going indoors to gather with multiple extended families at different gatherings and work events daycare for my granddaughter .They are due for the booster but will stubbornly “wait and see “ in the New Year about that. He was flippant / frustrated and sick of the numbers. They are carrying on “back to normal “ . Essentially if I have a concern with that so be it they won’t come to see us this year .
I’m so hurt that seeing his sister and her baby and our family which we haven’t all been together for a holiday in 2 years isn’t enough to desire a reason to be cautious before they come .Our date was set for the 26 th so after they’ve been everywhere else.
I’m sure he must’ve been talking to his father , although that wasn’t said .
Do you think rapid testing everyone should reduce the risk ?
Would you still want to celebrate with them ?
This selfish attitude of people really could change how we all feel about each other’s character couldn’t it ?

Thank you for your update. I wish you all the best.

Thanks everyone, I’m so hurt by his flippant attitude, belittling our concerns, it helps to know I’m not alone in my opinion of his behaviour.
He has shown this side of himself all through the pandemic , he’s argued against my concerns ALL the way through I’m very weary of it.to say the least. Its certainly a surprise & saddens me to no end that he for his daughters sake wouldn’t agree to
being more careful. Our current rules are 168 days from last dose for a booster, maybe this will change in the future .

OP

Is your dh always so selfish or this is a one time incident?

Go and stay with your daughter if you can. If and when your husband comes down to earth, then you can decide how you feel about seeing him again. Show him you mean business. He’s showing a callous disregard for you, and certainly his daughter and newborn grandchild.

As I said on another thread...this is not a joke. It’s not just that he’s not bothered about covid. He obviously doesn’t care about anyone else.

Look after you...and congratulations.

"lives in Canada". Sorry . I did not notice that. I don't know how badly Canada is infected by now.

Caleo

Events have moved on since you first posted and even Boris is now aware of the urgency of the omicron infection emergency.

OP says she lives in Canada.
Boris’s jurisdiction unfortunately -or more likely fortunately - does not extend that far

Events have moved on since you first posted and even Boris is now aware of the urgency of the omicron infection emergency.

Enjoy living in your basement. You'll be there for a long time if that's his attitude. I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your DD and the baby and be sure to leave him at home.

You are certainly not being unreasonable, and he is utterly unreasonable and showing his true colours.

He is all for himself and cares little for others.

Ali08

Nanny2020

Absolutely NO, you are NOT being unreasonable!!!

Your husband is, tho, and he doesn't seem to care about his family much, with that attitude!!!
He has a loving family but he could lose you all because of this awful disease, and he's being so flippant about it!
To be honest, I'm surprised he still has a job as some employers are letting go of the anti-vaxxers!

Good luck to you and your daughter and family, and let's hope he gets a short, sharp shock to knock some sense into him!!!

He’s not an anti-vaxxer. He’s had two of them, according to OP.

But, he can’t get his booster until February.

Speaking as a man, YES, your husband is being totally unreasonable.