I feel so sad I’ll never be a nana…

Heres a third person who loathes these baby words. I just hate the word 'kids, to my mind it lacks respect to children and as for babyfying, animals, Yuk.

I hate it too, as I do grandkids. Doubtless an extension of the equally hated ‘furbabies’.

Oh I do despise the term "grand babies" It sends my skin crawling. They are grandchildren or grandkids. Grandbabies....eeh bit of a stretch. They are babies for so little why focus on that?

blue25 But hasn't that always been the case?

My parents were born during WW1, I was born in WW2, my children were born at the height of the Cold War and my DGC were born as the dangers of climate change became clear.

Our only child always said she didn't want children but now at nearly 40 is due next week with her baby, so things change , people mature and what they want from life so never give up hope it may happen.

It must be sad if you want to be a grandma, but I would just be happy knowing my children were. I feel it having little family, but the fact you have a good relationship is wonderful. I think I would get a dog, enjoy him or her and sponsor a couple of children. You get photos of them and updates about their education and completely change their lives for the better.

I think it’s very sensible not to bring children into this awful world currently. I hope they don’t feel pressured into changing their minds. Good for them. You should be proud.

Peasblossom.

It is. But as I said, if he wasn't here now, I'd prefer she didn't have one. The worry is horrible.

Think you’ve proved my point Gagajo.

Even on a thread about the sadness of never having grandchildren, grannies just can’t help telling you how wonderful it is to be one ?

Germanshepherdsmum

Even if I had grandchildren I couldn’t bear to be in a group which spent their time swapping granny stories and photos. It sounds awful! Give me some intelligent conversation any day!

I thought this. And now I'm besotted.

GagaJo I feel exactly the same as you do. I dread to think what the future holds for my GS. The world seems to have gone completely mad in my opinion. It worries me such a lot.

Even if I had grandchildren I couldn’t bear to be in a group which spent their time swapping granny stories and photos. It sounds awful! Give me some intelligent conversation any day!

My dd was in her 30 s when she had her first child. My other dd has not and will not have any,. I never thought we would have grandchildren but now there are two.
Most youngsters in their 20 s are far too busy having fun.
Don’t dwell on it, you have two sons, they are your family and one day, who knows you may get the news you are wishing fir but in the meantime try to focus on other things.

It’s not just the “extended family thing, it’s the loss of friendships as they move on to another phase in their lives and you don’t belong to the “get together and talk about grandchildren club.”

The OP says about all the photos and grandchildren news posted on Facebook and, of course, she can only comment, not join in.

I remember being a lunch with four friends I met up with regularly and for almost the entire lunch they exchanged granny tales. Eventually one of them said to me,
“And what have you been doing?”
“I’ve just got back from a trek round Southern Africa.”
‘Oh my grandson loves the Lion King.”?

It used to hurt a lot OP, but like all loss (and it is a loss even though they are the grandchildren you never had) it mitigates over time.

I know that many posters have said don’t give up hope, but personally, I found that when I finally gave up hope it actually liberated me to enjoy the life I have and my children for themselves.

It takes time though. So don’t feel bad about feeling sad. Own your feelings but know that you won’t feel this sad forever ??

I was vehemently against having children until I was 34. People change! I may never be a grandmother but that doesn’t bother me in the slightest - I have my son and he’s all I could have wanted and more. Try to enjoy what you have.

I'll never be one either. Thought I would be when our ES's first was born but being estranged by him means we're also estranged from our only GC.

We sponsor a child User7777 and have done for 41 years through World Vision. When their education is complete, we get a new one. The money we donate also helps their local community and we get a couple of letters, photo's and school reports a year.

When I was 26 (and 28) I swore I would never have children. I remember my GP asking me if I wanted to come off the pill because my fertility "had never been tested" and me insisting loudly that I didn't want to test it. I had my first child at 31. Your sons may change as they get older.
But I don't think it's just the grandchildren you are missing it's the whole extended family thing. Some authorities need people to take out children who are in difficult family situations. It involves regular contact and taking the children out somewhere for a day or having them to stay overnight. They can be difficult children from problem families but sharing with them some of the love you have might help both of you.

Well I know I will never be a grandma. Mine not gay, just not into kids. An animal would get more attention. I am looking into Action Aid to sponsor a girls education abroad

M0nica

*Rambling Rose* , my dear DiL had her two children at 38 and 41 and conceived far more quickly than even she and DS expected, once they decided to have children. So, there is still time at 38.

My dd had hers at 38, 39, and nearly 43. Several of her friends have been similar. One just had her first at 45.

All a far cry from when I was down in my notes as an ‘elderly primigravida’ at 28!

Aww ? cuppa. Nobody can get you in a different mindset. It’s same for people who can’t have children. My lifelong friend was unable to have children but what a life she has had compared to me! So successful in her career and marriage, travelled all over world. Yes she feels she missed out but then again, so do I ?. I told her having children wasn’t the single most important thing to live a happy life (actually could be opposite filled with worries about them money worry and angst for ever more) My brother wont have grandchildren because his only son died. If you ask him, he would be happy just to have his son regardless of grandchildren.

So what am getting at is, although you feel sad that you may not have grandchildren, look at what you do have. That is the only way you will get in the mindset.

The OP is going through a grieving process for the grandchild she will never have. Not only that but there is the sadness that her boys will not have their own family when they get older. I’ve been in that situation when one of my children was in a childless situation, although a lot of that sadness was because I knew they wanted a child. However, everything changed and they now have a family so nothing is ever cast in stone. But I remember the pain I felt at the time. Having said that, I’m don’t have much, if any involvement with them these days so, even if you have grandchildren it doesn’t follow that you’ll be involved in their lives. Best to make your life as fulfilling as possible: live around the sadness but don’t let it take over your life. I can still remember crying myself dry at the time., so I do sympathise.

Be happy for your Boys as Urmstongran said some Women never got their wishes to be Mothers. It can be very hard when you see other people around you with grandchildren but your Sons must live their lives as they wish. It is definitely possible for them to have a surrogate child or to adopt if that is what they wish to do in the future.

Have you looked into the possibility of helping out at a homework club for school-children, or finding a family with no grandparents who feel the lack of them?

Are you too old to foster a child, perhaps every other week-end, become involved in the Scouts?

Volunteer at a youth club?

You don’t know what’s round the corner. Anything could happen. Your sons are still very young.