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I feel so sad I’ll never be a nana…

(51 Posts)
CuppaTeaPlease Sun 12-Dec-21 20:41:28

My two kids (two boys 26 & 28) are both gay and both say they do not intend on having any children. I’m in no way disappointed about them being gay but the thought of never having grandchildren is just so sad and disappointing for me!

Also I’m an only child and so is my husband (his sister died when she was just a teen).

The lack of family I find painful too.

Please can someone get me in a better mindset with this, I’m so sad and don’t know how to resolve these feelings.
Thank you

Deedaa Sun 12-Dec-21 20:52:27

DH and I were both only children and I was glad that I had two so that hopefully they always had one other family member around. I didn't think either of mine would have children, DD was married for 10 years before she had her first and DS was adamant that he wouldn't have a child - until he did. You can never tell what may happen in the future.

Have you thought about sponsoring a child abroad. I think it is possible to become very involved in their lives and, while they may not be related it is another human life to be involved in.

Parsley3 Sun 12-Dec-21 20:55:38

Your sons are young yet and I wouldn’t be surprised if they change their minds when they are in their 30s. That’s what my children did so bide your time and you may get a pleasant surprise in a few year’s time.

Urmstongran Sun 12-Dec-21 20:58:06

Try not to dwell on what you don’t have. I’ve got two friends who never even got their fervent wishes to be mothers.

crazyH Sun 12-Dec-21 21:00:32

Don’t feel sad about what you haven’t got - be glad for what you’ve got - 2 lovely sons. My friend has recently (about a year ago) lost her husband. They had no children. And no close family. Think of people like her. You have your boys and who knows, they may decide to adopt at some time in the future. Have a lovely Xmas with your boys and their partners and maybe, just maybe, one day they will bring grandchildren home to you x

Forsythia Sun 12-Dec-21 21:20:14

A year ago, this could have been me saying this. I’d given up hope of becoming a grandmother, not helped by the fact that all friends were and I felt very sad. Then, last Christmas came the wonderful news that we were to be grandparents. And now we are and it’s wonderful, tinged with sadness that he is abroad and we’ve yet to meet him in person.
So, don’t give up, count your blessings and, as others have said, it may happen in the future.

sodapop Sun 12-Dec-21 21:21:20

Exactly what crazyH said. Enjoy your sons and your life, who knows what the future holds.

CuppaTeaPlease Sun 12-Dec-21 21:23:47

Deedaa, I’ve never thought of sponsoring abroad but will look into this option. Thank you.

CuppaTeaPlease Sun 12-Dec-21 21:27:30

Thank you all. I do enjoy my life, but feel so sad when I see friends and colleagues with their grand babies on Facebook.

Ramblingrose22 Sun 12-Dec-21 21:30:31

CuppaTeaPlease - I too don't know if I'll ever be a gran.

My eldest says he and his partner want children but they are in mid to late 30's and have left things very late. My youngest says the planet doesn't need more people.

I am not going to say that you shouldn't be sad. In fact I've often wondered if there could be a way of allowing children with no grandparents to meet up with parents who have no grandchildren and may never have them.

I try not to think about what I haven't got and maybe, as said elsewhere on this thread, you could "adopt" or sponsor some young children abroad or sponsor a young homeless person here.

CuppaTeaPlease Sun 12-Dec-21 21:35:06

I too have wondered this RamblingRose, if there was a way of meeting up with children who do not have grandparents.
My husband says he never thinks about it, but it’s always something I’d hoped for.

GagaJo Sun 12-Dec-21 21:40:03

I am lucky enough to be a granny. BUT I have to say, I worry endlessly about my GS with all the horrible news about how bad things are going to get with the climate disaster that is about to start hitting the world.

I'd never wish my GS away, but if I could turn time back, I'd tell my daughter not to have children. Their lives are going to be so much worse than ours.

MayBee70 Sun 12-Dec-21 21:42:51


I am lucky enough to be a granny. BUT I have to say, I worry endlessly about my GS with all the horrible news about how bad things are going to get with the climate disaster that is about to start hitting the world.

I'd never wish my GS away, but if I could turn time back, I'd tell my daughter not to have children. Their lives are going to be so much worse than ours.

That’s how I feel at the moment. When I had my children I wanted to do everything possible to make the world a good place for them, but I feel totally helpless these days.

M0nica Sun 12-Dec-21 22:35:27

Rambling Rose , my dear DiL had her two children at 38 and 41 and conceived far more quickly than even she and DS expected, once they decided to have children. So, there is still time at 38.

janeainsworth Sun 12-Dec-21 23:05:48

if I could turn time back, I'd tell my daughter not to have children. Their lives are going to be so much worse than ours

Do you think our grandparents had much better lives than us gagajo?
When you were in your twenties, did you accurately envisage what your life is like now?
We cannot possibly know what life will be like in 40 or 50 years’ time.

Shelflife Sun 12-Dec-21 23:27:52

CuppaTeaPlease, never say never . Your son's are both young and who knows what the future may hold ? GC are a delight but as already been said they come with love but also we worry about them too. We worry about the world they are growing up in and if there are development problems we worry about that too! If things are difficult we worry for our AC and our GC - it's a double whammy!!! Having said that there us no denying the joy they give us , seeing your childrens children is a wonderful thing. There is plenty of time yet for one or both sons to change their minds! In the meantime enjoy your relationship with your sons.

harrigran Sun 12-Dec-21 23:28:31

Neither of my sisters had children nor does DD. DS had two children but waited until he was in his 30s. It would have been nice if DH could have seen them grow up but wasn't to be.

Luckygirl3 Sun 12-Dec-21 23:38:22

I can understand that you feel sad about this - but, like all the things that we might have wished for and could never have, in the end we have to come to terms with them and go on to live our lives and be happy.

Your sons have found their partners and are living stable decent lives so rejoice in that. They are young yet and may have other ideas as time goes by, but you have to live your life assuming they probably won't.

My friend, who spent her life looking after children, has two of her own (now 40s and 50s) who chose not to have children, She found it very hard to start with, but has come to terms with it and thrown herself into her interests.

V3ra Sun 12-Dec-21 23:39:20

At 26 and 28 my own children had no plans to have children either. Give it ten years or so and things could be very different for you all.
I'd say try not to fret yet ?

Luckygirl3 Sun 12-Dec-21 23:40:44

To those who feel sad because of the state of the world on behalf of their GC, I have to say that I do not feel like that at all. I look at the splendid young people they are and think that maybe they, and their contemporaries, may be the ones who start to turn things around.

Chestnut Mon 13-Dec-21 00:03:00

The world certainly looks a bleak place with no future at the moment, but we cannot know what will happen. Science and technology may yet save the day. We have to believe it will. And then I think of my parents and grandparents who lived through two world wars. They must have been in despair and wondered what sort of a world their children would be living in. They didn't know whether there would be yet another war looming on the horizon a few years later.

agnurse Mon 13-Dec-21 03:40:56

You might also consider becoming an adopted grandparent. Prior to COVID, my parents became effectively adopted grandparents to a family from their church who are immigrants to Canada and do not have family here.

NotAGran55 Mon 13-Dec-21 06:45:09

As others have said, there is plenty of time for your sons to change their minds. Are they in stable permanent relationships ?
I had no intention of having children in my twenties and had mine at 39 & 41.
And men don’t even have the ticking time clock to consider ….

BlueBelle Mon 13-Dec-21 07:21:46

O cuppatea I hope you can get over this sadness my best friend was sure she would have no grandkids Her eldest son was gay her next a daughter had had an early hysterectomy and no desire to be a mum and a playboy youngest son much to her surprise as she headed for her late 60 s the playboy son settled down and she now has two grandsons who completely wear her out
Use your energy and love to offer help to children that need it in a voluntary way or indeed any voluntary helping work will give you a cause and reason and who knows it all may change
for you I wish you all the best luck

JaneJudge Mon 13-Dec-21 07:38:49

There is still plenty of time for them to change their minds smile so concentrate on doing something else that will make you happy