To think friend was disrespectful

MissAdventure

If she has any sense, she won't say another word, surely?

It's not really a matter of how important it is to her, more a matter of how important it is to all of us, 8 pages on...

I'm only on page 2

Depends where you work and how you dress for work. This person had clearly not been at work in the city.

I think you would extend your politeness to not publicly criticising the clothing choice of someone you went out with
I hope I’m a model of tact, diplomacy and good manners Baggs
Not, of course, that my friends would ever wear anything that I might feel inclined to criticise. Though MrA has very occasionally had to be ‘advised’

Oldwoman might just have wanted to initiate a general discussion about dress codes. It was probably the mention of it on the Mumsnet newsletter (Over on Gransnet....) that turned it into such a hot topic.

If she has any sense, she won't say another word, surely?

It's not really a matter of how important it is to her, more a matter of how important it is to all of us, 8 pages on...

MayBeMaw

We may have wildly differing notions of what constitutes “dressing up” to go out.
Would it be intrusive to ask OP what she was wearing, what the other elderly lady was wearing and what the friend was wearing , so that we had a better idea of her expectations?

That's a good idea Maw. If OP would tell us we would have a much better idea of how her friend's clothes differed from everyone else's.

I agree with you. I can see how some people don't mind what other people wear but I tend to try to make an effort when I go out especially as someone else was paying, it just seems polite, I don't go out that much at the moment so why would I want to go out in what I've been sitting sitting around all day in.

Cant believe what I have just read or that you can remember the clothes someone was wearing. Why does in matter to you so much?

If you are friendly enough to show your friend this thread why on earth did you ask us in the first place and not just say something to her at the time
What a very very strange thread
I m scratching my head as to why you posted in the first
place ??

Anyway, what did you all eat?
Was it a good meal?

She is a good friend and you showed her this post so why could you not have just said that you thought she was underdressed but you are going onto social media to see what others think.

Odd that you would have showed her this post though. Is she still your friend?

Oh that's fine.
No problem at all. I was just shocked at what was said to you.

MissAdventure

Actually, beswitched, I laughed at the audacity of the person who directed her nasty comment to you.

Apologies. It looked as if you found it amusing and I was upset as you are a poster who speaks a lot of common sense.

Genuinely sorry for taking you up wrong

169 now, Bet oldwoman70 is surprised, her friend too.

167 posts and still going!

(168 now)

First world problems.

We may have wildly differing notions of what constitutes “dressing up” to go out.
Would it be intrusive to ask OP what she was wearing, what the other elderly lady was wearing and what the friend was wearing , so that we had a better idea of her expectations?

Totally unreasonable to place that expectation on your friend. You might lose her if you continue to be so judgemental.

Some of us have priorities other than dressing up for a meal, even if it is a treat. It could be that your friend did shnower, and then put on the same clothes again, for reasons of her own. Why are you being judgmental, though? It's not as if she knew the couple was going to get dressed up, and she did it delibertaely, to disrespect them? If you were together, you know that she didn not do gardening or housework in the clothes, so as long as she was clean and neat, I'd say you are nit-picking to comment, and your attitude marred your enjoyment of the event. Her appearance was an affront to you, but her compnay was a pleasure to the couple. That is what matters, because it's not about you, you know.

I realise I didn't really mean it was a wind up Maggiemaybe - more a "manufactured" post and basically I don't understand why OP would have posted it.

janeainsworth

^Define "dress up". So far I'm getting the impression it just means don't look ordinary or dull in the opinion of judgmental people^.

Wearing something that I wouldn’t wear round the house or garden or go hiking in or wear on the boat, that I personally like, feel is stylish and feel good in.
Wearing some jewellery with it.
I would put make up on but I don’t think it’s an essential part of dressing up.
Nothing to do with other people, except that I’d conform with norms around occasions such as weddings, funerals or other celebrations.

All this sounds perfectly fine to me, janea, but I think you would extend your politeness to not publicly criticising the clothing choice of someone you went out with. To me that is the problem with the opening post: it is shockingly and rudely judgmental about the so-called friend.

I'm wondering now how well known the two neighbourly helpers were to each other because, if the OP knew her 'friend' well, she might have known to suggest a little dressing up because the couple who were treating them would expect it.

Just as a by the by, people's dress at the last two funerals I went to, one for a very old person and one for an 18 year old, covered just about all the variations of respectable that one could imagine. The young woman's parents asked people to wear bright colours in memory of their bright (in all senses of the word) daughter.

A wind up, Grayling? By a long-term member and regular poster?

Actually, beswitched, I laughed at the audacity of the person who directed her nasty comment to you.

I'm just going to say "Wow" to the fact that there has been 7 pages of reactions to this post. Having read quite a few of the original posters previous posts I have often thought there was something not quite true about their content. In this one, it was the fact that she showed it to her friend (weird) and her friend said "Wow". I am in my seventies and have a wide circle of friends of a similar age but the word "Wow" is not one that trips of our tongues which makes me think it is definitely a wind up.

For goodness sake be reasonable,they were very kind to treat you to a meal there wasnt any dress code for the plase so I presume she dressed as she thought fit,she didnt have to "dress up" just for you. She might not have felt too well and thought what she was wearing wasnt a problem .
I hope you enjoyed the meal despite your judgement.