Gransnet forums

AIBU

To think friend was disrespectful

(207 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Sun 23-Jan-22 13:21:12

A friend and I have been helping out an elderly man whilst his wife was in hospital for an operation (shopping, cooking etc.). His wife is now back home and fully recovered. As a thank you they offered to take us out for a meal (wouldn't take no for an answer).

When I called to collect my friend she had made no effort in her appearance (wearing same clothes as when I saw her earlier in the day). I had showered, changed and even put on make up (rare for me). I felt as this couple were being kind enough to take us for a meal, it was disrespectful not to make an effort with her appearance. What do other GNs think? I would add that whilst it wasn't an "up market" restaurant - it wasn't the local pub either

Eloethan Thu 27-Jan-22 23:31:46

Some people aren't that bothered about dressing up to go out. I can't say I would necessarily get changed if I looked reasonably clean and tidy.

The important thing was that your friend helped out when needed and what she chose to wear is, in my opinion, irrelevant.

Lizbethann55 Tue 25-Jan-22 19:46:29

I disagree with most people here. I think your friend should have made some sort of effort. No one would have expected best bib and tucker, but as a sign of gratitude and respect to the elderly couple, who obviously viewed the occasion as an important one, then a change of clothes to suit the event and as a sign of respect and appreciation, would have been appropriate. Added to which, presumably she had taken at least some of her clothes off in order to have a half decent wash, so it would not have been difficult to put a fresh top on.

granny1239 Tue 25-Jan-22 18:04:49

It’s not unreasonable to expect your friend to dress up for a dining experience . Has she not shown this side of herself before ?

Beswitched Tue 25-Jan-22 13:10:12

Exactly.

MayBeMaw Tue 25-Jan-22 10:03:46

Posters have made their point, very robustly. The OP now appears to have left the thread. Why keep on and on and on at her?

?‍??‍??‍??‍??‍?

Lucca Tue 25-Jan-22 08:28:00

????

Beswitched Tue 25-Jan-22 08:23:24

MayBeMaw

Why indeed are you keeping on and on?
You of course with remarkable prescience seem able to tell the rest of us at what precise moment OP left the thread - was that before or after your own aggressive comment at 19.43?

Lwhete did I mention a precise moment. I said the OP 'appears' to have left the thread.
If you are going to become defensive at least try to do so without twisting other posters' words.

Lucca Tue 25-Jan-22 08:08:23

MercuryQueen

Your friend put effort in where it mattered- helping out in a crisis. The idea that how she dressed for a thank you dinner is baffling to me.

I sincerely hope she’s not on gransnet. How incredibly insulting.

If you read the thread….friend has been shown this thread!

MercuryQueen Tue 25-Jan-22 08:01:40

Your friend put effort in where it mattered- helping out in a crisis. The idea that how she dressed for a thank you dinner is baffling to me.

I sincerely hope she’s not on gransnet. How incredibly insulting.

FannyCornforth Tue 25-Jan-22 02:48:20

I jumped from page 1 to the final page as I often do.
I would have liked to have seen illustrations

MayBeMaw Mon 24-Jan-22 22:47:09

Please miss!
People are talking to her even after she’s packed her bat and gone home!

Callistemon21 Mon 24-Jan-22 22:17:11

Why keep on and on and on
I wasn't.

I was chatting to another poster about how to change to 100 posts on a page.

It's has become a general discussion about different expectations of occasion dressing.

I'm not being aggressive

MayBeMaw Mon 24-Jan-22 22:11:41

Why indeed are you keeping on and on?
You of course with remarkable prescience seem able to tell the rest of us at what precise moment OP left the thread - was that before or after your own aggressive comment at 19.43?

Beswitched Mon 24-Jan-22 21:56:19

Callistemon21

Perfectly pleasant request, MayBeMaw, which might help us to understand the criteria.

See my post about jeans and ballgowns!

Posters have made their point, very robustly. The OP now appears to have left the thread. Why keep on and on and on at her? It's unkind and unpleasant.

Dickens Mon 24-Jan-22 21:36:47

MayBeMaw

We may have wildly differing notions of what constitutes “dressing up” to go out.
Would it be intrusive to ask OP what she was wearing, what the other elderly lady was wearing and what the friend was wearing , so that we had a better idea of her expectations?

I'm not sure it would matter that much. The OP appears to be upset that her friend wore the same clothes she'd been wearing all day.

If she looked presentable - then the elderly couple who invited them out for dinner probably didn't know that she'd been in the same outfit all day!

The OP's 'issue' is that the friend didn't "make the effort" that she (OP) thought the occasion required, and thought it disrespectful. So it appears it wasn't so much what she was wearing, more the fact that she'd been wearing it all day!

Callistemon21 Mon 24-Jan-22 21:35:06

Perfectly pleasant request, MayBeMaw, which might help us to understand the criteria.

See my post about jeans and ballgowns!

Beswitched Mon 24-Jan-22 21:04:29

Not to mention aggressive.

MayBeMaw Mon 24-Jan-22 20:41:21

Beswitched

MayBeMaw

We may have wildly differing notions of what constitutes “dressing up” to go out.
Would it be intrusive to ask OP what she was wearing, what the other elderly lady was wearing and what the friend was wearing , so that we had a better idea of her expectations?

This is getting a bit nasty now.

No it flippin isn’t.
It was a straightforward question.
Blimey- some people’s minds’! ????

Beswitched Mon 24-Jan-22 19:43:14

MayBeMaw

We may have wildly differing notions of what constitutes “dressing up” to go out.
Would it be intrusive to ask OP what she was wearing, what the other elderly lady was wearing and what the friend was wearing , so that we had a better idea of her expectations?

This is getting a bit nasty now.

MissAdventure Mon 24-Jan-22 19:23:37

Yeah I'm on a phone.
I'm a single parent, so it stands to reason I have the latest phone. wink

silverlining48 Mon 24-Jan-22 19:13:01

It’s 8 pages here too.... can’t believe it.

Callistemon21 Mon 24-Jan-22 19:12:21

No, you just have to keep scrolling down.

Do you use a phone? I can't see it if I use a phone.

MissAdventure Mon 24-Jan-22 19:08:07

Will it make the writing smaller?
I can barely see what I'm doing already!

Callistemon21 Mon 24-Jan-22 19:06:42

MissAdventure

I must have small pages! shock

You can change posts per page to 100 - Customise at the top of the thread.

Small Pages sounds like a rock group

MissAdventure Mon 24-Jan-22 19:04:30

I must have small pages! shock