Have you had an operation and how did your husband cope with helping you at home

My DH just doesn’t see dust, dirt or muddles. He’s completely oblivious. He doesn’t cook either despite me trying to persuade him nicely (or otherwise) for years!
I have severe heart failure and from time to time it knocks me for six so I literally struggle to do anything. He will open a tin of soup or make toast if I ask but would never initiate doing it, let alone housework.
It isn’t for lack of asking, he was raised by a martyr of a mother who wore herself out running around after the males in her family.
Needless to say I brought our son and daughter up very differently!

Ive had both knees replaced and my ankle fused. Mr P was really good house work not so much but cooking very good. I hated being so dependant on him but with my fused ankle which was much worse than my knee replacment I had to be. I must admit I was glad when he went back to work as I got to do my own thing but saying that he has been brilliant.

Never mind Yammy you can smile about it now. When I had my first child I asked DH to bring me some lemon squash, into hospital. He bought PLJ. Bless him

I hope your recovery is going well.
It’s now six weeks since I had my hip replacement, and now I am off the crutches at least at home I am able to do more around the house.

My husband was fine with the food shopping and meal preparation but housework got completely overlooked until I gently suggested that the bathrooms should be cleaned, the kitchen floor washed and the vacuum cleaner put to use.

I honestly think men don’t notice things like we do!

Within regard to the blasted stockings I stopped wearing them a couple of days after I came home. Even with the plastic bag trick they were such a faff for him to get on that I decided to take a chance.
Right from the start I was walking around at home on two crutches, doing the exercises religiously, and I always need to get up in the night for the loo, so I was never immobile for hours at a time. I was also given blood thining pills to take for about thirty days.

I hope you continue to make progress. It’s a fantastic operation isn’t it ? It’s so wonderful not to be in pain any longer and I feel so thankful that the operation went ahead when I got to the top of the list, having only waited five months from when I first saw the surgeon.
Not sure if there is a bit of a post code lottery but I keep reading about some poor folk waiting a couple of years.
The trouble with that is the hip continues to deteriorate which doesn’t make the surgeon’s job any easier as mine told me. Covid has caused so many problems one way or another.

I have worn medical tights strength 3 for the last thirty years, for veins. True I can bend down so it is a lot easier for me than others but in hot weather I really struggle for 15 minutes or more, just to get one side over the heel. Wouldn’t know how to advise someone to do it for me.
My ex offered me after an operation, a take-a-way Mc-doh.

BBbevan

I had a hysterectomy when I was 37. Six weeks convalescence in those days.Children were in their early teens and DH was great. Did most everything with help from the children.

How lucky you were, I had the same op at a very similar age.My husband managed the children fine who were younger than yours. When I came out he decided to go back to work. The first clue was a saw him "playing ',with the ironing board I though he was going to do some, next morning he explained how you could get it at a height to sit at and went off to work. Luckily a neighbour was taking the children to and fro from school and when she came back she found me stuck in the bath and helped me out .
Before that when I had one of the children he brought me a box of All bran and a tiny bunch of flowers that promptly died everyone else had beautiful baskets. One night I was woken by someone lifting the sheets and moving my legs around, explanation in case of blood clots it was one of his colleagues who had been told to do it by him. Clean nightware was brought in a bag with soil in the bottom it was the one I stored potatoes in and to top it all when going home, I had left a case of clothes ready, it arrived with only one shoe.

SadGrandma I found it easiest to roll the trendy stockings up a little, get them on to ankle height then gradually unroll and smooth them upwards. They made me itchy!

I haven’t been in hospital apart from having the children ?but once I was very ill with tonsillitis. He left to go to work ! I had two small children, the eldest rang Grandma and said “we’re hungry” mum wasn't very impressed to say the least. When I could eat again, dh asked what I’d like to eat, I said a small sandwich, I was thinking dainty quarters, my sandwich arrived two doorstep slices of bread filled with salad !
Have to say we laugh about it now, and since he’s retired he’s much improved thank goodness.

Sadgrandma

Just heard a funny story that I thought would make you laugh. I was moaning about the blasted stockings to a friend and she said be grateful that they only have to come up to the knee now. When I had my hip operation they had to stretch up over the thighs! They kept falling down so she asked her DH to go to M&S in his lunch hour to buy her a suspender belt. He rang her and said he was lurking behind the knickers but couldn’t find one. Goodness knows what people thought he was up to. Doesn’t bear thinking about! Why he didn’t ask one of the girls in the office to get it I don’t know. I know that my DH would certainly draw the line at that, he’d die of embarrassment!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha thats funnnnny.

I had a bout of illness when my children were very little and the Dr insisted my husband have time off work for a week or so whilst I recovered

I can still see the washing pile that was left when he went back to work, several goats could've climbed it

Germanshepherdsmum

My now late husband was the same.I have had two emergency sections and his attitude was "You have had a baby so what?"
His mother also brought him up to believe that housework and cooking was women's work.
He was seriously disabled with heart disease in the last years of his life, he had open heart surgery as well.Guess who cared for him through it all
It was just the way he was

I think both sexes should be brought up to do all the basic necessities of living - cooking, cleaning, mending, childcare. The time is long past when some jobs were always done by women and some by men.

Just heard a funny story that I thought would make you laugh. I was moaning about the blasted stockings to a friend and she said be grateful that they only have to come up to the knee now. When I had my hip operation they had to stretch up over the thighs! They kept falling down so she asked her DH to go to M&S in his lunch hour to buy her a suspender belt. He rang her and said he was lurking behind the knickers but couldn’t find one. Goodness knows what people thought he was up to. Doesn’t bear thinking about! Why he didn’t ask one of the girls in the office to get it I don’t know. I know that my DH would certainly draw the line at that, he’d die of embarrassment!

I was really impressed at how well DH looked after me after my knee replacements and hip replacement. The only thing that gave me pause for thought was when I discovered that he'd taken the duvet cover and sheets to be dry cleaned! Needless to say he only did that once.

ElaineI

It's really strange. My good friend handed in some tulips today and her DH has never cooked a meal in his life and my DH DS in Australia husband can't even make a cup of coffee (can open beer!) and certainly not cook - again never has. I find it really hard to believe.

?
I thought most Aussie males would be like that but SIL had to show me how to turn on their oven when I was left in charge of cooking dinner when DD was working late.

He then gave me a glass of wine and took over
Can't complain!

My bloke was practically very useful after my various operations. Food. Laundry. Even helping with my yucky wounds or vomiting post chemo. The one thing he didn't do was make his AC be quiet so I could sleep. And I'm talking practising DJ sets in the room directly above my bed.

It meant I had to go home alone, at a time when I should have been under observation in case of reactions or severe side effects.

Sadgrandma glad you’re recovering.
I’ve not had an op, but was pretty poorly with anemia a few years ago, we were in France too. But he was great, he does all the ironing anyway, he can do the washing and cleaning if needed, but rubbish at cooking. He excelled, with gentle guidance, even liver, hasn’t done it since, I hope he won’t need to.

Aarrghh, where is that EDIT button!

Not because he was unable

Couldn't be helped!

Heaven knows I tried to change my first husband. The fact that he remains alone shows that other women are wiser than I (as a teenager) was. But don't you just appreciate a man who knows how to cook a meal, sympathise, do the hoovering and mop the floor!!!

I had a schoolfriend whose mother was seriously ill with what turned ot to be terminal cancer; she had three older children and a husband all out at work. The doctor told the assembled family that the mother must stay in bed and do absolutely nothing, and they must take it in turns doing the cooking etc. The father said, 'we're not doing that, it's woman's work' whereupon the mild quiet doctor gave him a tongue-lashing worthy of a wider audience, finishing off with, 'and the first thing you can do is make your wife a cup of tea.'
Chastened, the husband said, 'I don't know where she keeps the teacups.'
Absolutely true.

It's really strange. My good friend handed in some tulips today and her DH has never cooked a meal in his life and my DH DS in Australia husband can't even make a cup of coffee (can open beer!) and certainly not cook - again never has. I find it really hard to believe.

Kali2

Aren't we women often our worst enemies. If we have accepted that housework and cooking is solely our domain- or accepted that this is what is put upon us- then why are we surprised if 40, 50 years later- this does not miraculously change???

My DH knows how to cook scrambled eggs now ?
It wasn't something he ever liked.

Germanshepherdsmum

EllanVannin

I had one who couldn't boil an egg. Thank the Lord I never needed looking after in any way. However I ended up looking after him during the last 6 years of his life and was going out to work as well.

Were you married to my first husband? I had an emergency c-section. He was hopeless. His mother had brought him up to consider that housework and cooking were women's work. In 23 years of marriage I didn't manage to change that. My current husband of almost 25 years is, unsurprisingly, the exact opposite!

Emergency section for our first too (transversal breech) - and I went home on 3rd day. No help from anyone- not from OH either, but not because he was not unable or unwilling. He was working all hours of day and night looking after other women, other births and other C sections. Could be helped.

Just had a bunion op and DH is looking after me very well. Had made and frozen meals so mostly just needs to defrost and heat up but he is good at cooking too. He is escorting me up and downstairs and bringing me water to drink. Have to keep foot up for 10 days. It is quite sore since the nerve block wore off but I have 3 different painkillers so he has made me an app (would probably be easier without it but was kind - very tech person!). He takes it very seriously. Have ordered a shop from Tesco and he has managed to go to coop with my cards - self service tills flummox him for some reason - I think being very tech he tries to rush the till - never works well to rush a till ?

Years ago I got stuck in hospital during very heavy snow. When I was finally taken home by ambulance I found my 13 year old running the household and caring for her three sisters. My husband had taken to his bed with the electric fire (no central heating) leaving the children alone for a week.