Have you had an operation and how did your husband cope with helping you at home

EllanVannin

I had one who couldn't boil an egg. Thank the Lord I never needed looking after in any way. However I ended up looking after him during the last 6 years of his life and was going out to work as well.

Were you married to my first husband? I had an emergency c-section. He was hopeless. His mother had brought him up to consider that housework and cooking were women's work. In 23 years of marriage I didn't manage to change that. My current husband of almost 25 years is, unsurprisingly, the exact opposite!

Aren't we women often our worst enemies. If we have accepted that housework and cooking is solely our domain- or accepted that this is what is put upon us- then why are we surprised if 40, 50 years later- this does not miraculously change???

Sadgrandma it's the small things which get to you when you're under the weather - the pillowcase with you, the bouncy scrambled eggs for me!

I hope your recovery goes well.

MrOops has been brilliant over the years, I’ve had a couple of serious ops that meant a long convalescence and he’s done me proud!
He even drove home during his lunch break every day for almost 2 years to check I’m ok and make me something to eat, then straight back to work. 20 minutes to get home, 20 minutes to get me something to eat, then 20 minutes back to the office.
He’s always ready to run me to the hospital for check ups or the Drs.
As I’ve got another appointment on the 8th he offered straight away to take me and wait somewhere for my (at least) 2 hour procedure.
I hate it when he has to do things for me, but he is pretty good, bless him. I had to stick instructions on all the appliances for him, I didn’t worry what bedding he used, just grateful he did it.

He was always better at the domestic airts than me but, happily, I didn't test him too often.

Glad things are going well Sadgrandma Sounds like your husband is coping ok really. My husband would be fine as well as he does the shopping and cooking. Not sure how I would cope if the situation was reversed though.

Thank you for your good wishes Gransnetters. Things are going well and I feel more mobile every day. I was shown the trick with the plastic bag for the stockings and that works well to get them over the feet, it's pulling them up is the problem as they bunch up and are so tight it really hurts. Unfortunately, DH has quite fat fingers and thumbs and finds it hard to get a grip on them - any other tips would be very welcome. Welbeck, you have me all wrong, I've never been a domestic goodness (always a career woman) and he's always had to share chores. I wasn't the slightest concerned about which pillowcase but was amazed that he couldn't recognise the ones he sleeps on every night! After 38 years I'm still learning things about him. It is very frustrating not being able to do things without help but I do appreciate him and, after I snapped a bit the other day, I did apologise. I am sorry for those of you who didn't get the support. Silverlinings I do hope you don't have to wait too long, depends where you live I suppose. Mine was about six months. I hope your op goes well, really nothing to worry about.

My DH is pretty good and can turn his hand to most things but is an unadvenurous cook (he has three signature dishes) and a vacuum cleaner and duster are alien to him.

Otherwise I can't moan.
Although I did when I'd been ill, fancied scrambled eggs after not eating and they could have bounced off the plate.

Welbeck
I can assure you that the reason my OH wouldn’t do the housework that I do is because he doesn’t see it ?
As for being useless. If I asked him to fit a new kitchen, bathroom, move radiators, new decking, new windows, fix my car ( you see where I’m going with this ?) he wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
But he just wouldn’t see that the bathroom needs doing ( not that it does when I’m around)

I had one who couldn't boil an egg. Thank the Lord I never needed looking after in any way. However I ended up looking after him during the last 6 years of his life and was going out to work as well.

I’ve not had serious operations but whenever I have been off my feet DH is very capable and caring.
Maybe things aren’t done the way I would do them, but I was just grateful he did them with a willing heart.
When he had a knee replacement I cared for him.
It’s what we promised to do when we got married - “in sickness and in health”.

Ohhh heck.... i am fiercely independent, i haven't had an operation but i do have MS and there are certain things that i cant do anymore and i loathe with a passion my husband having to do it opposed to myself because basically, he doesnt do things as i would or it takes him days and DAYS what i would have done in the blink of an eye.

When I had my two knee replacements DH greeted me with nice meals when I came home and was very good for a few days. The novelty soon wore off though

I had a knee replacement in 2013. When I went for the pre-op consultation, the nurse told hubby that when I came home from the op I didn`t have to do anything for 4 weeks. She said to him, "Will you be able to manage the housework?", he said "No, she does all that", the nurse looked flabbergasted. I wasn`t surprised, he was one of those men who just didn`t do housework.

Over the years I’ve had a number of operations and injuries ranging from knee replacements, badly broken arm, D&Cs, breast cancer, broken back… OH has been excellent. He can cook and do the shopping. However, when the children were small and I had broken a bone in my back and could barely move, he got a cleaner in! Those damn stockings though! An absolute nightmare. At least with my second knee replacement they had reduced the time from 6 weeks to two.

Having now seen welbecks reply I was one of those women.

Oh how lucky you have all been.
My H and I had a long and happy marriage but physical caring was something he couldn’t do.
I had a baby at home, several ops including two for cancer but he did nothing.
It didn’t phase me really as I looked after him for five years through dementia and a major stroke until at 81 it all became too much for me and he went into care.
I felt it was my role.

Had knee replacement and Mr B was excellent, mind you he didn’t marry until he was 40 so was use to looking after himself and I haven’t changed it. He does his own ironing,, can change the bed mind you he doesn’t put matching pillow cases on but so what. He even went to the Dr surgery at 8 in the morning to get the dr to do a home visit because I had been so ill during the night.

think i would say the same to you about the pillowcases.
and has he never made the bed, changed linen before, done the laundry; if so, was that because you cornered all those tasks.
what does it matter which pillowcase he brings, set or not.
maybe he took so long because he anticipates criticism or a kind of suppressed sigh at having failed at the task.
don't know nuffink about you OP obviously, but i have come across many women esp my age and older, who insist on doing everything domestic themselves, and have an attitude that men are useless, because they cannot grasp the intricacies or importance of the precise rules their partner have imposed on the household.

Have had 2 knee replacements, one very complicated due to very old injury and damage- and he was brilliant with care and cooking. But thank goodness my neighbour and cleaning help did 1 hour twice a week rather than just the once.

Touch wood I’ve never had an operation while ive been with OH ( 42 yrs)
If I’m ever unwell he is a marvellous nurse. He’s done the food shopping and cooking for 20 yrs+ so that’s situation normal.
Asks me constantly if I need anything, how am I feeling.
When it comes to housework ? that would just be a Hoover and the kitchen.

* sadgrandma* I hope your recovery n is going well. DH looked after me well after my ops but it was the little things as you say so I had be very careful not too upset him as he did get very tired and worried especially about meals as he is not a cook. I wouldn't not have managed without him so small breakages and spillages passed without comment.

I had a hysterectomy when I was 37. Six weeks convalescence in those days.Children were in their early teens and DH was great. Did most everything with help from the children.

Mr. B has had to look after me on many occasions, starting with my return home post brain injury. A steep learning curve for both of us, but we were quite young then. I’ve had to look after him sometimes too, which can be difficult thanks to my impairments, but I manage

I honestly wouldn’t care which pillowcase he used though.

Yes that’s the one