Sleeping around

Sometimes Sockandsock01 women actually initiate sex (shock, horror) it's not even a question of saying "no".

This thread is full of sexism and misogyny. I understand attitudes were ingrained but surely that was partly due to a lack of contraception? Women (and men) NOW HAVE ACCESS TO CONTRACEPTION oops to keep themselves sexually well and there are laws concerning consent that are much more robust than in years previously. It really is nobody else's business. No one is bringing shame to themselves or their family.

My Mother was so Victorian that even now I don't like going to the Dr for personal matters. I really don't think these old fashioned attitudes and judgement help.

Laughing at foul language how disgraceful. Yes how far society has fallen. We need to go back to the time when rape within marriage was legal, when the signs read no blacks no Irish, when men beating their wives was just expected. Let's go back to the moral standards of those times.

Well that's child abuse so that's a different topic altogether.

About 10 years ago on Night owls there was a similar discussion where a 14 year old girl had had 47 lovers. Some married men and some single men. Everyone was absolutely horrified. I don't think it's normal. I think it's dangerous and it's awful. I feel sorry for her and any other young girl or young woman who thinks this is self respect. If you can't respect yourself enough to say no then nobody else will. Wide open to VD etc.

Well said. I was brought up by a scrict mother and I'm pleased she taught me to have respect for myself. Personally I couldn't imagine having sex with a stranger or a man I didn't love. It cheapen everything.

I think it's stupid being so free and easy with your own body. Abortions diseases etc. Then they wonder why the guy won't marry them. Moral standards are rock bottom. Women laugh at comedians using foul language. I'm 64. Divorced for over 30 years and have slept with 2 men in my entire life. M engaged to one and was married to the other. Never had an affair either. I'm appalled by falling moral standards. It leads to the society we now all live in.

I think its possible for one night stands to be about 'being unhappy' and sort of seeking validation from men, I certainly have experienced that in my lifetime, but I think the same can be said about relationships/marriage, i.e leaping into a relationship on the rebound or because you cant cope with being single, I have seen that happen too. The act itself isnt the cause of self esteem, unhappiness, and its perfectly possible to have one night stands etc with very healthy self esteem in the same way its possible to be married with healthy self esteem.

You can't help but think that many of the attitudes expressed about sex are just the remnants of Victorian views. Losing self respect and sordid are such negative ways of looking at something which should be at least fun for a bit even if it isn't as great as it can be sometimes.
Sordid always makes me think of people cheating and having affairs.

A friend of mine has a friend with benefits. She originally wanted more from the relationship but he didn't. She came to realise that she was happy with the situation, maintaining her independence.

He did have other friends with benefits, to start with, which she didn't like but says now she's not bothered about that and doesn't know if he still sees others.

Why is a friends with benefits sordid? I read a really lovely piece of writing by an older woman years ago, she was mourning her 'friend with benefits' they met regularly for a sex and a meal, she described with fondness their relationship but both wanted to maintain their independence. It seemed to involve more fondness than many marriages I know.

A ‘friends with benefits’ isn’t sordid. It’s not exactly casual sex as usually both people don’t see any one else and it’s basically just a sexual relationship. Ideal if you have young kids and don’t want to be dragging partners in and out of their lives, or don’t have the time to pursue a romantic relationship.

I don’t see casual sex as a problem but suspect the mumsnet thread is an exaggeration, people love to one up each other online. A bit like the threads on there where everyone consumes no more than 100 calories a day and would never even look at a cake.

Katie59

Many women these days don’t settle down until their 30s so they will have different partners, hundreds is exaggeration but I guess dozens is common enough. Unprotected sex in particular makes you vulnerable to many infections that will affect your fertility in the future.

The affect on young men is not good either, finding a steady girlfriend is not easy, because the girls want to party and have fun without ties. The result is that both sexes get used to casual sex which does not help stable relationships in the future.

Recently on Mumsnet there was a thread about sex with work colleagues and it was clear that it’s very common wether they are married or not. Supermarkets, Local Authority, and Offices, they were all “at it”.

I have seen threads where a poster says the dad has the kids for the weekend and she has invited a 'friend with benefits' to come over on Saturday night for sex.
Sounds sordid to me.

I have seen so many times that a switch has to happen in people's lives to want to settle down, have a serious relationship, get married, etc

Many people I know wanted one thing and couldn't find the proper person - not on the same page
Both men and women have issues finding a stable relationship

Plenty of couples go out for years, no engagement.
6 years later, they break up

He or she meets somebody else and are married in 1.5 years.
Timing is everything I guess

Many women these days don’t settle down until their 30s so they will have different partners, hundreds is exaggeration but I guess dozens is common enough. Unprotected sex in particular makes you vulnerable to many infections that will affect your fertility in the future.

The affect on young men is not good either, finding a steady girlfriend is not easy, because the girls want to party and have fun without ties. The result is that both sexes get used to casual sex which does not help stable relationships in the future.

Recently on Mumsnet there was a thread about sex with work colleagues and it was clear that it’s very common wether they are married or not. Supermarkets, Local Authority, and Offices, they were all “at it”.

trisher

I do wonder do men lose self respect if they have a lot of sexual partners or is it just women?

Well said.

However, I do think that sometimes promiscuous men are judged by both sexes as being a bit of an alley-cat, but that judgement is usually given with a wry grin and possibly a raised eyebrow, but little more.

Which is really not comparable with the epithets hurled at women such as "slag", "tart", etc. I've read some of the comments (usually made by men but not exclusively) about Katie Price and the number of men / husbands she's had, and they are often extremely misogynistic and degrading.

Women's emancipation still has a long way to go in this respect... a really long way.

I do wonder do men lose self respect if they have a lot of sexual partners or is it just women?

Dickens

Germanshepherdsmum

Maybe you’re younger than many of us ASG. I was brought up at a time and place when promiscuity was considered shameful. My mindset in that regard hasn’t moved on and I make no apologies for it.

You don't need to apologise for the way you feel GSM.

You must admit tho', surely, that there's a certain hypocrisy in families traditionally encouraging young men to play the field, so to speak, whilst their daughters were told to remain virtuous?

I mean - who were these men supposed to be 'experimenting' with? The women they slept with were all someone's daughters.

It's hipocrysy and sexism at its worst.

Indeed, I refer to my earlier post:

Well, given, at least in heterosexual relationships, there is one man and one woman involved either the numbers are roughly similar or, if they're not, there must be some extremely promiscuous women out there. Or someone is lying.

Yes I agree with that Dickens. Total hypocrisy.

Germanshepherdsmum

Maybe you’re younger than many of us ASG. I was brought up at a time and place when promiscuity was considered shameful. My mindset in that regard hasn’t moved on and I make no apologies for it.

You don't need to apologise for the way you feel GSM.

You must admit tho', surely, that there's a certain hypocrisy in families traditionally encouraging young men to play the field, so to speak, whilst their daughters were told to remain virtuous?

I mean - who were these men supposed to be 'experimenting' with? The women they slept with were all someone's daughters.

It's hipocrysy and sexism at its worst.

FarNorth

^I also realised comparatively early on that I preferred women^

I'm just guessing but maybe there isn't a similar feeling of one partner being at a disadvantage in same sex situations?

The need for women to protect their virginity and their reputation was very real until comparatively recently.

I'm just guessing but maybe there isn't a similar feeling of one partner being at a disadvantage in same sex situations?

You could be right - maybe it's a 'more equal' partnership in that respect?

I also realised comparatively early on that I preferred women

I'm just guessing but maybe there isn't a similar feeling of one partner being at a disadvantage in same sex situations?

The need for women to protect their virginity and their reputation was very real until comparatively recently.

I met my ex when I was 14 and he was 15. We married and I was faithful to him for over 30 years despite the fact that he was an unfaithful and abusive monster. After I escaped I entered my Jezebel period. Wow it was amazing. I discovered so much about myself and how other people (men) treated women. I had no self respect issues. I was enjoying every minute of it. Eventually I met my DH and gave up being Jezebel as he was everything I ever wanted.

Sex is a wonderful thing. A gift given to us to enjoy. Some choose to enjoy it a lot with many different people. Some choose to share it with only one person. Some move between the two groups depending on circumstances. Don't judge others for the choices they make.

amberspyglass I don’t think it is an autistic thing as I feel much the same way as yourself. I don’t get the OP’s way of thinking and I genuinely don’t think they’d have been boasting on MN, merely answering a question. But yes, my self respect ain’t located in my vagina either!

I was married at 22, and have been 100% faithful.
I had other relationships before, but I wish I’d had more, and been more adventurous.