Gransnet forums


AIBU rude friend

(25 Posts)
Granny1810 Fri 04-Mar-22 12:43:20

3 of us have a message group where we arrange to go out or just chat. Last week I suggested that we met for lunch.
I went in with one of the ladies who I met outside. We perused the menu and she ordered what she wanted. I suggested we waited for our other friend to arrive. She then told me that she wasn't coming. She assumed that I knew. I was cross because she hadn't mentioned it to me.
She has done this before leaving me feeling like a spare part.
Would you say anything or let it pass

Elizabeth27 Fri 04-Mar-22 12:48:50

The absent friend had informed the other lady and probably assumed she would tell you, which she actually did, albeit a bit late.

Who are you annoyed with? the absent one for not telling you personally or the other one for not saying straight away.

Granny1810 Fri 04-Mar-22 12:57:28

The absent lady informed her on messenger. I thought it was rude as I was the one who had made the arrangements.

Caleo Fri 04-Mar-22 13:02:02

I doubt if the absent member of the three meant to ignore you. People make careless mistakes.

PinkCosmos Fri 04-Mar-22 13:10:24

If the three of you have set up your own WhatsApp group then you should all be able to see one anothers messages within your group

If you don't have a Whatsapp group for the three of you, I would suggest setting one up so that you all know what is happening and there will be no misunderstandings.

I have one set up with my DH, DS and DIL for arranging meet ups etc. It is so much easier and no-one gets left out.

They are very easy to set up if you all have mobile phones.

ElaineI Fri 04-Mar-22 13:21:48

You can do the same on Messenger too.

toscalily Fri 04-Mar-22 13:30:42

So you have a message group of three used to arrange to go out & chat, yet, one of the ladies obviously messages the other lady to let her know she is not going out to lunch but not you? If she can't make lunch why does she not put that out on the (3 persons) message group so you would both know? Think I would be asking the other two ladies to do so in the future.

Madgran77 Fri 04-Mar-22 13:58:03

Bit irritating but TBH not worht a big upset!

PinkCosmos Fri 04-Mar-22 14:00:42


You can do the same on Messenger too.

Sorry, I didn't realise

Kim19 Fri 04-Mar-22 14:06:47

On future occasions (if there are any) perhaps verbally ascertain who's attending? Also inform the non-attendee of what happened to prevent repeat.

Poppyred Fri 04-Mar-22 14:14:11

Yes it was very rude of her. I would have to say something……

silverlining48 Fri 04-Mar-22 14:24:13

In the scheme of’s hardly rude, probably thoughtless, but if that were me I might think letting one person know was sufficient. Best organise a messenger group going.

silverlining48 Fri 04-Mar-22 14:25:03

Delete ‘going’

Daisend1 Fri 04-Mar-22 14:34:38

Maybe not wise to assume you will get the message so would personally inform.

Casdon Fri 04-Mar-22 14:43:03

Do you know that she messaged your friend to tell her, or might she have seen her somewhere else and mentioned it in person, assuming the friend would tell you? I must admit it wouldn’t bother me if that had happened.

VioletSky Fri 04-Mar-22 14:51:09

Sorry yes, I wouldn't think much of this, it happens

Granny1810 Fri 04-Mar-22 15:54:52

Thank you ladies. To be fair I did over react. Thankfully I kept it to myself. We all chatted today on group chat. I was just a bit miffed.

Beswitched Fri 04-Mar-22 21:14:53

Bit rude all right.

geekesse Fri 04-Mar-22 21:28:38

I’m guessing that the absent friend may have sent the message privately in error, thinking she was sending it to both of you. And it’s equally possible that the friend who did receive the message thought you’d seen it as well. Easily done, and no call to get all shirty about it.

3dognight Fri 04-Mar-22 21:38:06

I guess she told the other friend so she could tell you. Maybe she felt she was letting you down and didn’t want to face you?
Forget about it, sounds like you’re all pals again!

Nonogran Fri 04-Mar-22 21:49:32

Nothing to be too precious about. It was a bit rude and for these kind of reasons nothing surprises me anymore within “friendships.”
I now half expect to be disappointed by people in my tribe of friends. I just shrug it off.
However I’m glad you’ve moved on and are chatting as usual.

welbeck Sat 05-Mar-22 02:16:58

wouldn't bother me i think.
although, to be fair it's so long since i've been in such a situation, meeting people, that i can't really imagine how i'd feel.
i still regret waiting over an hour, alone, once in a restaurant for someone who not only couldn't be bothered to get there almost on time, but kept lying to me about where she was and her eta.
it was years ago, and i still kick myself for not leaving.
feel a mug. when she did turn up she recounted a story of doing something similar to someone else, and then said she was fed up of being taken for granted. i said nothing to that.

notgran Sat 05-Mar-22 07:19:58

Lots of good points made here and I agree with them all. It totally wouldn't bother me and I can see that initially it really bothered you. Possibly an over reaction and maybe why your friend did not want to tell you directly? Just a thought.

Serendipity22 Sat 05-Mar-22 09:14:45

I have a group I meet up with whom I worked with. I am notified via WhatsApp of rendezvous, time, blah blah, in the knowledge that i pass the info onto the others, that is just the norm. If 1 of the group wasn't meeting us, for whatever reason, then it would be me they notified and i would tell the others.

But if it were a case of someone else in the group was notified and not me then it wouldn't faze me, i may wonder why i had not been informed when it was me who did all the organising, BUT i wouldn't lose sleep over it.


MarathonRunner Sat 05-Mar-22 12:08:27

Well I think that's rude , why didn't she say on your group wattsapp that she couldn't make it .
I'm on a group wattsapp of 3 which I set up for arrangements and the other two constantly use it to have private conversations and that makes me feel like a spare part . Know how u feel ?