Eating out paying the bill

My husband is always scrupulous about putting extra in because he’s had something more expensive or we divide by the number of people if there’s a single person, it’s only right. I don’t like being diddled though. One couple we were acquaintances with were very keen to go out for a meal. We realised why when the lady proceeded to polish off several bottles of wine whilst the rest of us (including her husband) just had one or two drinks and I think I just had a soft drink as I was driving and of course, we split the bill. Only once! I’d never go out with them again and it seems all other mutual friends are reluctant as well, wonder why! Some people are just impervious or just don’t bother!

Well I wouldnt bother for a pound or two. But when it gets to be about a fiver or more I would say "Well Ill be paying for my own folks as I had a cheap meal and no desert." Regardless of what the others thought I would stick to that. At least it would open the floor for the veggies and non wine drinkers to say "Good idea Ill do that as well."

Same as when anyone (who isnt a close friend or relative) asks me to do them some favour and clearly doesnt intend to pay for my time. I say I will think about it and give them a price. Never had anyone yet come back for "the price".

I would ask for separate bills too.

It was a bit different when an ex friend and I went to a Betty's Tea Room. I thought we had both ordered pretty much the same thing but friend said that I had spent 24 pence more than her so she preferred separate bills.

PinkCosmos,

That was very rude of the 'friend'!!

Yes, I would go Dutch, too.
Splitting doesn't sound so good if he drinks a lot and you don't and he eats a lot more than you, so definitely go Dutch. If he asks why, just be honest with him!

Well lets just agree to disagree.

When I was 17 I invited my colleagues out to celebrate my birthday and passing an exam. Even at that age I was assertive enough to explain that I couldnt afford to pay the entire bill but I would pay for wine and drinks. That meant everyone knew exactly where they were. In those days the waiter always brought a separate bill for beverages.

I was brought up in a house where I often heard my parents arguing about money, or rather tha lack of it, while I was in bed. That was back in the 1950s and a childhood like that leaves its mark. One of the good things that came out of it was that my sister and I were taught to budget our pocket money (which we had to earn by doing chores) and to save up for things.

So I grew up with to be hard and sharp about money. It was a deprived childhood but I am grateful for some aspects of it.

We often join in rounds in our local biglouis and I buy a round as does my husband. It’s nearly always the same group of friends and I reckon it evens out over the months/years, I often drink halves of shandy, but don’t even think about it being unfair, it’s about the company.

Opinions differ don’t they? One person’s “silly customs” comment versus my take on it - “happy gatherings”. BTW we aren’t minted. No savings & live off our pensions but ‘being fair’ (equal) doesn’t come into the equation with us. We meet our friends, we all chose what we’d like to eat or drink and join in with the group’s decisions. Himself often drives if far away so he’ll only have a pint or 2 if it’s shandy and sip them. Some groups like rounds, others a kitty, some split the bill. If any ‘singletons’ are dining we divvy the bill into how many people are at the table and then couples pay 2 lots (obv).

I think it’s about relaxing, enjoying one another’s company and ‘letting go’ on who has what for the ‘occasion’. I don’t mind at all if I choose pasta and a friend fancies a steak with peppercorn sauce for example. For me, socialising is all about the company not the money. Sometimes we come home & will be out of pocket somewhat (hey ho) but on the whole I think it’s swings and roundabouts over a period of time.
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Interesting comments about buying rounds.
Many years ago we started joining two other couples for a social night out in a pub, At the time I was pregnant so I was only drinking orange juice. One of the couples always started the evening by saying “what are you drinking?” and buying a round. However they drank much faster than us, so when it came to their turn to buy a round we had barely started ours and had to say “ no, we are fine thanks”
It ended up us buying them far more drinks than they had bought us. I felt we were only there to subsidise their drinking bill and added to the fact that as they became more drunk, they would only talk about themselves, so it was boring too.

After about 3 months of this, I suggested to my husband that we didn’t join them anymore, as I was by this time heavily pregnant and I didn’t like the smoky atmosphere! We never went back.

Ive never understoond how "rounds" work. The same if there is a "kitty". If you are drinking halves you are paying for others to drink pints. How can that be fair?

Also if you are single and drinking with couples then its rare for each member of the couple to buy a round. Usually just the male will do it. So singles are buying for lots of two people everyt time their turn comes around.

If someone asks "what are you having" and there is a bunch of us I just say I will get my own thanks as I dont do rounds. It only makes sense if there are only 2/3 of you drinking the same or similar.

I used to get funny looks and the occasional snippy remark but now I think a lot of people are assertive enough to opt out of this silly custom.

I went on my first works 'do' when I was quite young and naïve. I was also quite skint and only had a £20 budget, and ordered my food accordingly. This was in the 1980's. A group of three colleagues at the other end of the table were ordering bottles of wine all night. The split bill came to double what I had in my purse. This was before card payments were common.

I had to borrow the extra money off a colleague. I wish I had thought to say this is what I actually owe for my own food and drink but I was young and a bit stupid I suppose. I was really embarrassed about having to borrow the money. I paid it back but couldn't really afford to spend so much on that night.

We have a friend who I don't like going out to eat with as she is always comparing the cost of what she is eating against what you are eating. I always end up ordering something cheap on the menu rather than something I want, just so that she doesn't complain.

The same friend had no qualms about accepting drinks when we went out as a group of about eight. When it came to her round she said she wasn't buying for everyone as she was on her own and it wasn't fair for her to be asked. She just bought her own drink.

I could have accepted this if she had said at the start of the night that she wasn't joining the rounds, rather than after she had accepted several drinks from the others.

TwinLolly

I had a similar situation when colleagues would go out for a leaving do or someone's birthday, etc. I didn't drink, nor had tea or coffee after, and I wasn't a big eater. It happened time and time again that they spit the bill equally. But it left me feeling as if I was sponsoring part of their meal. Second to last meal before I resigned, I left earlier than the group, asked for the bill, paid what was mine and left. At my leaving do, I made sure we went to Nandos - where we had to pay upfront for our meals, etc.! So at least I was in control of what I was paying.

Great idea leaving early, TwinLolly. Wish I'd thought of it when I was still working. As the breadwinner for a family of 4 I seldom went on works do's as I ended up subsidizing others' meals despite my not drinking alcohol and having only one course often.

I rarely eat out now but in the past when I did so in a group I always announced up front that I would be "paying for myself" so everyone else knew where they were. Similarly I have never bought rounds in pubs but simply bought my own drinks. I could never understand the culture of "rounds" because someone always loses out.

I used to have a colleague who at departmental dinners, would work out exactly what she had had and leave the money with one of us before (usually) leaving early.
When there are 12-15 of you at a meal, the tip can be quite considerable and she never took that into account.
Just saying.
All in it together or not?

I had a similar situation when colleagues would go out for a leaving do or someone's birthday, etc. I didn't drink, nor had tea or coffee after, and I wasn't a big eater. It happened time and time again that they spit the bill equally. But it left me feeling as if I was sponsoring part of their meal. Second to last meal before I resigned, I left earlier than the group, asked for the bill, paid what was mine and left. At my leaving do, I made sure we went to Nandos - where we had to pay upfront for our meals, etc.! So at least I was in control of what I was paying.

That's really unacceptable seajaye. My friends and I would always take note if someone hadn't been drinking and make sure the drinks bill was calculated separately. That's basic manners.

This happens to me fairly frequently being a veggie, when the menu choices can be quite limited. I usually suck up the cost differential on the basis that I have enjoyed the company, and do not enjoy the dampener that comes from splitting the bill at the end. But I do think it tactless when someone in the group says what wonderful value their meal has been. I recently had a meal with 6 colleagues, when my own meal was only £9.00 and I was driving so didn't even have a glass of wine. My share of the bill was £33.00 and I was a bit surprised that no one even acknowledged my contribution to the
overall bill made their bills lower than they would have been.

I agree with DaisyMae, pay your own bills from now on.

Anneeba

I think sometimes it's a case of meanness, but other times, if someone dies not have a tight budget, then it actually does not occur to them that things may seem extortionate to someone with less money. A couple of friends, loaded, generous, but completely unaware that ordering double G and Ts in a rare visit to a pub during our lean years was costing our two months entertainment budget. No idea. Have a look at the folk in charge, if money has always been plentiful I think such people can't imagine a scenario where every penny counts. We've been on both sides of the fence and I hope are much more sensitive to what seems fine for us but may be a push or a nightmare for other friends depending on their circumstances. Separate bills just makes it easier if you are the ones with less dosh. Or, as my husband, generous and lovely, though it drove me to despair when we were the impoverished ones, just pay for everyone ?!!

Great Post.

Tell him you’re watching your budget & happy to pay your share only.

I think sometimes it's a case of meanness, but other times, if someone dies not have a tight budget, then it actually does not occur to them that things may seem extortionate to someone with less money. A couple of friends, loaded, generous, but completely unaware that ordering double G and Ts in a rare visit to a pub during our lean years was costing our two months entertainment budget. No idea. Have a look at the folk in charge, if money has always been plentiful I think such people can't imagine a scenario where every penny counts. We've been on both sides of the fence and I hope are much more sensitive to what seems fine for us but may be a push or a nightmare for other friends depending on their circumstances. Separate bills just makes it easier if you are the ones with less dosh. Or, as my husband, generous and lovely, though it drove me to despair when we were the impoverished ones, just pay for everyone ?!!

"nevermore" should read "never tots"

This is a very long thread and I haven't read through it yet (but I shall do, although a lot of posts seem to be saying the same thing.)

Anyway this is just to say that this is never an issue in Germany. When you ask the waiter for the bill, he/she will ask if you are paying together or separately. If you are a group of friends you will always ask for separate bills. The waiter goes round the table ticking off the items as they go, and then has the benefit of pocketing a tip from everyone at the table.

In the UK I find the whole thing very confusing, with everyone pooling cash on the table and somehow it nevermore up, even though everyone has rounded up.

Goodness me that is a lot for lunch. A male friend and I often have lunch but we eat around the same so take turns in paying. I think you should suggest separate bills. If he complains explain why. I think that if he does not like the idea you should refuse to meet for a meal again.

Good grief, how much money do folks on here have that can go for £70-£250 lunches? Ive rarely paid this for a dinner! Rockefellas are us lol.