Phone calls on Mother's Day

I have young friends who only ever text.. I wouldn't take it as not caring...

Big hug - then big girl pants. It's your life - do your own thing. Best advice I ever had was, to keep happy - keep busy. No good waiting for people to live up to your ideal of them. (Been there and done it often).

I suppose what I have to remember is, that if my older son will not make an effort to even see me for half an hour or speak on the phone this year then Mother's Day isn't about me either.

In reverse, my younger son is good to me every day and for that I'm thankful. It matters how you're treated all the time more than gifts on one day of the year.

What we have to remember is that whilst it's Mother's Day for us, it's also mother's Day for our dd and Dil. If I think back, when a child, I was very excited about treating my Mum all day. Perhaps we need to review our expectations?

I wouldn't be at all upset. Nowadays its all so commercial I issued a statement telling family no gifts, flowers for Mother's Day. They agreed, no flowers arrived. I did have a quick look at some flowers in a supermarket on Friday- £5 for 5 tulips, shocking.

I have just been thinking "Actions speak louder than words".

If they even made half an hour to see us in the last few months that would have been kind. Instead they just avoid making plans and don't say why.

Lin663 I see what you mean about "the Done thing". I had no card, no gift- but I dont care about cards or gifts- if they would actually spend time with us this year that would have meant more than any gift.

It's sad, but I am beginning to see through them- that they only care about money and being seen by the right people, with the right people in the right places. We are redundant. I am beginning to see that.

When my daughter was eight she bought me a Mother's Day card that cost her the entire sum of her pocket money! I could see she was a bit upset with this, quite rightly, and we had the conversation about not buying into the Hallmark bullshit.
A kiss would suffice. She's 36 now and does get me nice things which I appreciate but they are random as she's seen something she knows I would like. She calls when she wants, which is often on her way home from work and we talk about all kinds of stuff. This is far nicer than feeling obligated to do so!

I wouldn't mind just a text on Mother's Day if they actually made an hour to see us this year, even if it was at the park or anywhere.

My son always sends a card and flowers on Mother’s Day but makes no effort whatsoever to stay in touch, doesn’t ring on Mother’s Day, rarely calls at all and always by prearranged “appointment” made via email. His gesture is not appreciated because I think he only does it because he thinks it’s the done thing…I don’t really like him anymore and find myself less and less anguished by his uncaring attitude as the years go by - I have moved from deep hurt to not really caring any more. Sad, given we were very close when he was young.

Younger people text all the time, they seldom use their phones for calls. We might not like it, but that's how it is. In fact I have to admit I often prefer texting to calling. You received a text - you were not forgotten- that's what's important.

I do agree in principle that it would be nice to invite DiL round to make a fuss of her. We were not able to invite DiL and family round on Mothers Day because we had to travel a long way to visit our parents who may not have another Mother's Day.

Also, for the last two months we have been trying to arrange a meal with my son and DiL and they don't want to make plans! They don't make us welcome at their home and only want to see us if we pay for a fancy restaurant. At the last meal, they refused to have their photos taken with us and said they would "when it was natural", except there hasn't been a "natural" time because we haven't seen them for over two months despite trying! Our GC had a wonderful time at our home after the (posh meal) but despite them asking to see us again, our son and DiL have not obliged.

I know, they don't really value family or want to be seen with us. They just want to have their photo taken in places like The Ivy and post it online. It seems they'd like us to pay the bill while they avoid us and avoid anything to do with us apart from posh restaurants. I was hoping to be proved wrong by a caring and thoughtful gesture, but no - the opposite as my son actually said that every day should be about children.

My DiL doesnt answer messages any more and my son is just so disrespectful. We have done a lot for them, but it's one way. It would be nice to be invited round to their place or just to meet at the park, but they refuse to make any plans and I thought it was his mental health, but am starting to think he's just an A.H.

Thank goodness I have another son who's kind and thoughtful.

My girls (my daughters and my niece) always say happy mothers day and sometimes bring a little gift but my son never calls. This is not to say that he does not love me or care about me because I know that he does, he just does not think to do it, doesn’t do birthdays either.
You really shouldn’t be sad your children did not call, they texted so they were thinking of you. Young people have extremely busy lives and sometimes things slide bye, doesn’t mean they don’t love you

One son did messenger video call, another sent a text message say they will take me out when they next get time off work (working shifts and weekends mostly) the third sent me flowers. No cards in the post though but can't complain.

My late MIL told her three sons from an early age not to bother with Mother's Day. She didn't want them spending money on her. She said, "but you can be nice to me on the other 364 days of the year".

People put too much importance on these ‘ special days’. The other 364 are just as special in my opinion.

I think it is not unreasonable to anticipate a phone call! You have been and still are a very important person in all their lives. I always spoke to my mum and my MIL on Mother’s Day, as well as sending card, gift, flowers. My children were involved too with home made cards etc. I would try my best to get to see them but couldn’t always manage it as we lived over 100 miles from our home town. I loved my mum so much and my dear mum in law. I think of them both especially at this time of year (each sadly passed now) and wish they were around to share this special day with me and my children/grandchildren. Time is short for us all so I would hope your family would realise this and treasure you. (Sorry don’t want to sound morbid-must be my age!)

All families are different don't take it personally nanny.

Reading the OP, I remember all the reasons why I don’t “do” Mothering Sunday. I feel it’s emotional blackmail. It’s different when the children are at school and make you a card. Apart from that, no thank you.

I feel sad for Mothers who have been ‘forgotten’ or just had texts on Mother’s Day. We celebrated as a family. My Daughter with her husband and children initially, then Grandad and I joined them for a lovely afternoon tea. We may be Grandma’s but we are still mothers. My daughter also sent me a text to say that she was thinking about, me because she’s aware that we all still miss my Mum. I think I am truly blessed. If you feel overlooked why not invite your Daughter and Grandchildren to your house for lunch Afternoon Tea next year?

Gosh Bijou, fancy having a son of 73. I am adjusting to having a son in his 40’s.
How lovely that he made the long journey to visit you and bring lunch as well. That’s really thoughtful.

I'm sad for you too. My poor sis is estranged from three of her children and the other one is too far away to visit. My boys and grandchildren spoilt me all day yesterday, but I still think of mothers not so lucky...

I live a long way from my family , I got a present from one and flowers from the other through the post.
My DH could never be bothered to buy his mother a card or flowers as she was so off hand with him. I did it for him for years. I then said no more as dear MIL had said she did not want mine or the childrens names in her card as she was not our mother.
She shot herself in the foot,he forgot the next year and she actually phoned the local florist to see where her flowers where as she was going out ,only to be told none had been ordered. Like mother like son.

My son took me to a motorsport event in the afternoon, asked me to save him a seat while he went to talk to a friend , and I didn't see him again until it finished!
My brother and a couple of friends were sitting further along the row, but wasn't able to have a conversation with them, so just sat on my own like a lemon!

It was my daughters and grandsons birthday on mother's day, I had helped her out financially towards grandsons birthday, As well as buying presents for both of them. I got a happy mother's day post on Facebook and that was it. Not even a thankyou for their presents

Although my son lives a four hour journey away from me (it took nearly six yesterday because of road closures) and is 73 he came to see me yesterday for the day and brought a meal with him.