Phone calls on Mother's Day

Yes CarlyD7, true.

I’d hate it if I got a phone call, can’t stand speaking on the phone . I saw my DD and DS1 but DS2 sent me a text which I was very happy with. He had tried to ring me but my phone was on silent so I didn’t hear it. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it

@CarlyD7 agreed

kwest

Isn't there a saying about an ungrateful child being sharper than a serpents tooth?

Yes and it’s so accurate.

I am always shocked when someone posts about feeling neglected, alone or forgotten by their adult children, that so many others pile in with THEIR stories of how much in touch/looked after/remembered THEY are by their children. Do those people have NO sensitivity at all to other people's feelings? Or does it just get overridden by the impulse to show off at other people's expense? So very sad.

I have 3 children, one is estranged so doesn't communicate at all, for the past 8 months, one never sends cards or texts to wish me happy Mother's Day and my daughter phoned me at 4 on Mother's Day and said I have got you a card and some bits, but seeing as I will see you in a fortnight will give them to you then!

We have a family WhatsApp group now and rarely ring each other - I got Happy Mother’s Day messages on there and sent them to my DDs and DDIL. I did get a surprise visit from DS, who’d forgotten he’d contributed to the joint MD present and turned up with another one.

My son usually videocalls me every Saturday and I get to see my grandson that way as they live abroad. I got my usual call on Saturday so thought he'd forgotten Mothering Sunday, then while out for a walk on Sunday with my daughter he called again. I hadn't expected that as other countries have mother's day at a different times and so assumed he'd forgotten. You are not being unreasonable. It is an important occasion.

RVK1CR Thats sad ??

Nanny2859

I think I need to learn to accept that I'm further down the pecking order. Its hard when DIL's and SIL's parents always seem to be a higher priority. I hate feeling jealous but find it hard not to.

Yes I understand this. My DD sent a supermarket food delivery which was welcome but no card just a phone call very late in the evening. She never sends cards. I have to accept that I am not that important now. When I mentioned a friend having a 4th Covid jab she said it was a waste as old people will die anyway, goodness knows where I went wrong but she has "posh" new friends now and I never get to meet them, I think I am no use any more. It is very hard to accept, I suppose she has outgrown me, I live alone and often have a little weep.

Having had a number of years being estranged from both of my adult sons I was very grateful that they both visited on Sunday although I instigated the visit by offering to feed them. I was also delighted with the unexpected gifts and cards. DS2 rarely does cards or gifts but brought both. It’s really hard not to feel upset and/or hurt when you don’t hear from them especially on these occasions but take heart OP , they do change as they grow older and their perspectives can be influenced by the relationships that they build so it may not always be this way. I find that if I wish for just the minimum I am rarely disappointed and often surprised. Time spent with them on whatever day is so precious, but a text is better than nothing. I hope you get to spend time with them soon even if you have to suggest/organise it.

Jane43 what a lovely family you have ?

My daughter not contacted me for nearly 15 years (I know where she is, and that she is now married and has a son (internet great thing !) so I always send cards etc but she knows where I am and still nothing ....her life ! what can I say ! On the other hand I have a wonderful 'Hon Daughter' (long story) who took me out to lunch on M Day, gave me a lovely bunch of flowers ....told her there is absolute no need but she and her husband are wonderful ! They often do little odd jobs for me that I can no longer manage....I am truly blessed to have her ! and appreciate the things she does for me (her own mother died when she was young)

I never expect anything, amazed when any of them do remember. Which is lovely when they do. Last year had video of son opening a card which he forgot to send! It’s just a day. Feel the same about birthdays and Christmas. More important is the love between you. Expressing that when you can, on bad days and good days. Not just the so-called celebration days,

Nanny2859

AIBU hoping my son and daughter might have phoned me on Mother's Day? And even better got the grandchildren to talk to me too? It's really got to me that neither of them have phoned, just a happy mother's day text.

Are they in the UK, Nanny2859

Mothering Sunday is not universal, it's Mothers' Day on a different date elsewhere.

Bijou I am so pleased for you

Cindylou

I’m afraid I’d have let my sarcastic side out - I would have texted back saying, “How nice of you to take the time to send me a text on Mothering Sunday. You’ve made me so happy and appreciated!”
Of course I’d immediately regret sending it as soon as it’s gone . Still a fiery red head despite my mature years .

When I receive messages like that I just take them as written.
I have a family member who is very PA. So I’ve learned not to rise to it.

A quick “you’re welcome” and I’d be ok with my day

I told both mine not to bother with this inflated commercial enterprise. However one gave me a rose and the other sent flowers. Really kind but i just don’t like the commercialism or the probable guilt of adult children, or disappointment of mothers, if things don’t go according to expectations.

Mom3

It helps me to read how mothers of adult children can sometimes feel hurt. I sympathize.
We live near our daughter who does a lot with us. I know our sons love us, but they are not as demonstrative. One spends more time with dil's family and that has been hard for me at times.

I understand how you feel Mom3 but it is only natural for sons to become close to their wives’ families. Our younger son is the same and in the early years of their marriage I sometimes felt resentful of the time he spent with his in-laws but thirty years on I am now happy that he is part of a loving family who care for him very much which is important as he and his wife don’t have children. In fact now we are often included in their family occasions.

DS rang at tea time tonight to wish me a happy Mother’s Day for yesterday, he was busy all day apparently.

Of course, DH answered the phone so I still didn’t get to speak to him myself. Normally DH never gets to the phone in time before it stops ringing. Felt a bit annoyed with DH as I shouted “I’ll get it!”

It gets more complicated as families expand. Our older son has three children and always makes a lot of effort to give his wife a nice day at their home on Mothering Sunday which makes me very proud of him. He always comes to see me the day before with his wife and children, his wife was working this year but she had made me a beautiful flower arrangement and sent me a message yesterday, our grandchildren also brought cards and gifts. Our younger son has been married for 30 years in June and is very close to his wife’s family, we used to all go out for a meal on Mothering Sunday but due to Covid and my DIL’s parents’ failing health they did something quietly at home yesterday but our son and DIL visited us on Saturday bringing some lovely gifts for me. The thoughtful men my sons have become means more to me than anything else.

We are all married with grown up children of our own and we all received cards from our children.

My older sister sent my mum a card.

I gave her one last week when we went to visit, and I ring. daily.

My younger sister sees her every Sunday.

My brother ( 57 ) , youngest by 6 years and only boy, never sent a card but just a quick " Happy Mothers' Day" text.

Already Mum is excusing him and saying that Mothers' Day was not advertised properly or that he may be ill !!

He never does anything wrong in her eyes, and never has!

Cindylou

That's called passive aggressiveness and has nothing to do with the hair of the colour either

I’m afraid I’d have let my sarcastic side out - I would have texted back saying, “How nice of you to take the time to send me a text on Mothering Sunday. You’ve made me so happy and appreciated!”
Of course I’d immediately regret sending it as soon as it’s gone . Still a fiery red head despite my mature years .

It helps me to read how mothers of adult children can sometimes feel hurt. I sympathize.
We live near our daughter who does a lot with us. I know our sons love us, but they are not as demonstrative. One spends more time with dil's family and that has been hard for me at times.

I have 3 daughters, eldest sent flowers and chocs, youngest gave me a lovely framed print from the grandchildren but middle daughter only texted me both on my birthday last week and Mothering Sunday no call, card, visit or any present. I confess I was hurt but I haven't said anything and nor will I. People have commented that its not worth getting upset but I cant really help it. We haven't fallen out so there is no obvious reason and it wasn't helped by the less than tactful younger daughter asking me if I was upset as its no trouble to order Amazon these days?