One of my grandchildren still eats with her fingers

I couldn’t watch a child at 8 do that unless they had learning difficulties.
Is she allowed to eat like that when the family eat out?
Does she have play dates where a meal is provided?
Does she have school lunches?
Other children can be merciless with their peers if they behave in such a boorish way at the table.
What are her parents thinking?
Picking up a chip with your fingers is acceptable in a casual setting, picking up a roastie is not.

It is rare that my children thank me for the way they were brought up but my eldest did regarding table manners. Apparently he had noticed that companies, when hiring or thinking of promoting, invite potential employees to a very elegant meal and just watch to see who is comfortable in the situation. These positions attract six figure salaries. He sailed through such situations because it was the norm at home to eat at the dining table, use cutlery correctly, engage others in conversation etc.
I would be insisting on proper table manners at my home so that the child at least knew what was the accepted thing to do.

You must do what her parents do: if they tell her not to do it, then so must you; if they choose to ignore it, then so must you. It is not up to you to make these decisions.

Most children pick up cultural norms as they go along. In some cultures eating with your fingers is the cultural norm. Follow her parents' lead and give it time - she will get there.

Her parents may have sound reasons for not making an issue of it - there may be bigger things going on that they have prioritised. As they say - don't sweat the small stuff! And don't get into an argument with her parents about it - it is their child and their decision.

My Grandchild does that also .. they don't sit at a proper table they leave the food and keep going back to pick at it .. I feel ugh as after seeing them pick their nose and then eating .. its not right but the parents let them do whatever ..Nightmare !

That's awful.

Of course she might be eating her school dinners with cutlery and saving her ‘behaviour’ for home and Grandparents where it gets her more attention.

Chewbacca

Don't all children have different priorities at all ages? And isn't it the responsibility of adults to teach and guide them through their childhood, so that they're prepared for adulthood? I suppose we could just let them eat their soup with their hands; it wouldn't really be a problem.

I think a straw might be better! ?

Baggs

In some parts of the world everyone eats with their fingers. I should just let it be for now. She will learn to fit in with everyone around her or she won't, neither of which matters. What's important is that she doesn't develop eating disorders because of other people fussing about things that essentially don't matter at this stage in her life.

this. leave the child be. and don't argue with her parents. it's not your place to. let them parent her.

Where people eat with their fingers, they usually use a piece of bread, chapatti or similar to pick up the food.

JMAH

One of my grandchildren, who I love dearly, has reverted to eating with her fingers. This seems to have happened during lockdown. We looked after her as a baby and young child and she was able to use a spoon and fork and had started to use a knife. I am not just talking about finger food I mean dinners as well. She will use a spoon for baked beans or other liquid food! But not for roast potatoes, meat, veg etc. It is becoming a bone of contention between us, she is 8 years old. My son seems to think it is okay....AIBU? Should I just leave it be?

All my gk's had terrible table manners, messy and not using cutlery. Now they’re fine, it’s just a phase. Don’t get stressed, life is too short to get stressed over silly stuff.

It is so sad when parents just seem to ignore this sort of behaviour ,is it them just being lazy or not wanting to correct their child? what will they allow the child to do /not do ,when the fancy takes her? Have they not thought what others will have to put up with by allowing their child to have no table manners ,when at school or eating outside of the home, I really feel for you as a grandparent to this child ,but hopefully when shes with you it can be "your home your rules on table manners and any other fad this child is allowed by her parents

Is it a sensory thing? Does she enjoy the feel of the food? Ask her!

Could you make slime with her (lots of recipes online) and tell her it’s for after dinner? Or play dough?

It is not silly stuff when you have to sit at a table watching a child with appalling table manners; more and more school staff are pressured into Dinner duty because 'someone has to teach the children how to eat their food properly'.

I spent a marvellous christmas dinner with someone whose child was going through a "phase".
Crawling around on the table (her, not me!) taking food off others plates, eating with her fingers.
She did grow out of it, but it was vile at the time.

Agree with Luckygirl3 don’t stress over it leave it to the parents.

MissAdventure

I spent a marvellous christmas dinner with someone whose child was going through a "phase".
Crawling around on the table (her, not me!) taking food off others plates, eating with her fingers.
She did grow out of it, but it was vile at the time.

Those kind of phases are to be discouraged!!