Taken for granted by our daughter

Hithere I think OP is talking about incidental expenses of outings and treats, not their decision to move.

I agree young families have many expenses but that is no reason why grandparents should be expected to pay for all leisure outings. Many pensioners have very small pensions and when people retire abroad in many countries thy UK government will not give them pension increases once they leave this country. OK if you go to some countires but not all.

I usually treat our boys for most outings, but they always offer to pay - and (when they lived here) organised dinners or movies out their treat.
I think it’s okay to say, such an such outing will have to be your turn as things are tight on a fixed income.
They probably don’t even think about it - but I’d gently let them know that you can’t pay everytime.

M0nica

Thanks

OP

Who suggests those outings?
Many times, people do things they wouldn't normally do as they have guests

Why doesn’t the OP simply speak to her daughter?

I do understand. I think our children are used to us picking up the tab, no matter how old they are! We normally pay for lunches, museum entries etc, but if I found it to be a burden, I would gracefully sit back and wait for them to pick up the tab. Like you say, it's not that they can't afford it, it's just that they are used to us paying.

Just be a bit slow on reacting next time you are out, and see if they pick up the tab.

I had the opposite issue with my parents and older relatives - they insisted so bad to pay the bill themselves for everything that it made me very uncomfortable, it offended them it occurred to me to pay the bill

I could hear them complaining later how they paid for everything and didn't get enough thanks

I started rejecting invited to avoid "misunderstandings"

It’s been interesting reading all the responses and thank you. I think some of you were spot on about our adult kids being used to us picking up the tab for everything. I’ve avoided actually asking DD to pay occasionally, not wanting to rock the boat, but I really like Scentia’s suggestion. In future I’ll be following thr ‘Okay but I’m skint’ suggestion, as in ‘Okay but I’m skint so it will have to be a picnic.’

A picnic would be an excellent way of sharing the cost Goldbeater. You could suggest that your daughter bring the bits that she knows the GC especially like to eat, whilst you do the chicken legs and salads etc. Everyone gets involved, shares the food and the costs.

Hithere that”s a horrible situation why do people do that?

Mine were used to us picking up the tab for meals etc. We did it because they were young parents with mortgages etc. They never asked us, we just did it. I was widowed and still jumped up to pay for a meal for two families and me.

Then one day decided that this had to stop, so on being invited out to a pub lunch with them, I went and quietly slipped my daughter enough to pay for my meal. I did the same when I went to the theatre with them all, she had bought the tickets but I slipped her the money for my ticket. I wanted to buy the children some ice creams, slipped her the money for them. All very quietly and now there is no silent expectation or awkwardness. They would pay but I like to pay my way but I don`t make a fuss about it.

I understand exactly where the op is coming from. It is a bind and tradition that is hard to break but it can be done

Btw it is so lovely to be included

My father always liked to pay for everything when we went out, but we got in the habit of saying to him before we went out anywhere 'Now, this is our treat' or something similar, so that the issue was dealt with in advance.

I can still remember the day DD, having been in her first proper job for a couple of months told DH and I proudly that she was going to take us out for a meal, instead of the reverse.

Hithere

I had the opposite issue with my parents and older relatives - they insisted so bad to pay the bill themselves for everything that it made me very uncomfortable, it offended them it occurred to me to pay the bill

I could hear them complaining later how they paid for everything and didn't get enough thanks

I started rejecting invited to avoid "misunderstandings"

Hithere I have had that situation too! I got a really well paid job when I was in my early thirties and things changed for us financially. Yet when I went home for a visit my parents still wouldn’t let me pay for meals out. In the end I got really annoyed and told them that I was so lucky to have got such a well paid job, and had been totally looking forward to being able to treat them to meals out. I let them know that I was really upset that they weren’t allowing me to do it. They came round to my way of thinking and I was able to take them out to nice places, especially on special occasions. I think they really enjoyed the switch once they got used to the idea. It must have been really difficult for you having them insist on paying, and then moan about it.

Hithere

It is unrealistic for your daughter to contribute towards your expenses when you decided to move to another continent plus 2 hours away from her

Young families also have more expenses than the older generation thinks about - kids, school, career expenses, activities, etc

That's not what the OP is complaining as about.
Her daughter seems to just stand back and let her parents pay for absolutely everything. Never says 'no,lunch is on me', or takes her turn at paying for cinema tickets and so on.

Basically she behaves like a child when her parents are around and expects them to fork out for everything.

No, you are not being unreasonable Goldbeater. Next time you're all going out, say from the outset that you'll be paying for yourselves. Even if that doesn't prompt your D to offer to pick up the bill, at least she'll be paying for herself and the children.

The occasional comment about the cost of living increases may help too.