Parents deliberately winding up children

GagaJo

My DD will do this with my DGS. Right before bedtime. I get as wound up as him.

Right before bedtime? What on earth is she thinking?
I'd suggest reading a calm book, or even playing a story telling CD, but heavens, the poor child is meant to be winding down!!

AussieNanna

There were plenty of unfounded accusations about the father too.

But yes OP can just take away those that agree with her if she wants to.

I gave my opinion based on the information given

The father "looked a bit shocked". Either because he was completely unaware how irritating the prolonged shrieking and screaming was to other diners - or because it is rather startling when someone calls you out in public. Or both.

If I'd been the one who had to 'say something' - I would not have just called out from the table, but would've got up and spoke to him quietly (and politely).

It all ended well. But appreciate the OP's unwillingness to confront the man. Some people (women as well as men) do become enraged when 'corrected', especially in public. When it has happened to you, it does make you very wary. The two men who my ex-partner spoke to (quietly) looked perfectly 'normal' civilised individuals entertaining a young boy. Their reaction was absolutely horrendous, and completely unexpected.

There were plenty of unfounded accusations about the father too.

But yes OP can just take away those that agree with her if she wants to.

I gave my opinion based on the information given

I have never attacked you vintagejazz

I have just given my opinion, based on your OP.

I try not to judge when unaware of all the circumstances.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Having your OP rewritten and unfounded implications often happens Vintagejazz. There have been plenty of posters who understand why you felt as you did and don't think that you were being unreasonable, so I hope those are the ones you take away with you.

Grandpanow

Do you feel that referring to the father as an ignorant prat is tolerant?

I refer to that as an example of vitriol. In all seriousness, you asked and I responded with examples from this thread. I have a feeling you will now deflect again.

Additionally, the words you attribute to the caller are rude. And a sad example for the toddler they were indirectly aimed at.

If he was behaving like an ignorant prat then yes, calling him that when discussing his behaviour is fine.

Many of us on this thread think his behaviour was ignorant.

To answer violetsky, I have sometimes passed an aibu and beeb grateful for other perspectives. But the people disagreeing with me on this thread are those rewriting my op and implying our objections were about a father playing with his child and the child laughing happily. That was not what was said.
Anyhow, as another poster said, this thread is starting to become nasty.

Thank you to those who read my post properly and for your interesting replies.
I will leave it there.

Dickens is being very reasonable and has assessed the situation perfectly in their last 2 posts. As regards staff having to intervene, I think the word diplomatically was used, to which I would add "sensitively and tactfully." (That's how the United Nations deal with potentially explosive things.)

I have been in that very tricky situation as a proprietor, luckily only the once, and decided to politely ask the adult guests to kindly lower the noise because children were sleeping in the adjoining property. I dealt with it and the guests apologised to me. There was no interaction between them and the others.
What I find strange in the OP's situation is that the hullabaloo went on for 20 minutes before it was dealt with by staff. Either it can't have been that apparent and damaging, or the management were turning a blind eye in which case they suffer the consequences like on here or on tripadvisor.

Vintagejazz

Except that wasn't what was said. Again, writing your own narrative.

... are you slowly losing the will to live Vintagejazz?

Leaving aside any criticism of the father, I think the point you're now having to defend is that you were reluctant to say anything because you weren't sure of the reaction you might get. Which some seem to think unreasonable, because if you're polite - they'll probably respond in kind.

I've no idea of any statistical evidence on this but going from my own personal experience (highlighted in a post somewhere above) being 'polite' will not necessarily prevent an over-reaction from some individuals, who may become verbally abusive or (as in my case) physically violent. It may not happen often, but it does happen - and that's why you were cautious.

As for the father - he might also be 'on the spectrum' (never really understood this phrase, but my own grandson has been officially described as such, so I assume it's OK to use it) in which case, some understanding is needed. But, how are you supposed to know this? Or he might simply have been one of those men (it's often men) who engage with children by jocularly teasing them / winding them up to fever pitch with clownish behaviour - to keep them amused and entertained. We have (had) one in my family - he'd come round for Sunday lunch, excite the children into a frenzy of excitement by acting the clown (not meant in a derogatory way) and then, toddle off to the pub with the rest of the menfolk leaving the women to finish cooking Sunday lunch and deal with hyped up kids looking for further excitement .

I don't think you were being unreasonable.

tickingbird

Aussienanna The OP asked if people in restaurants etc should have more self awareness not if she or anyone else should ask them to be quiet. Maybe you, yourself, are comfortable asking people to stop doing something you don’t like but not everyone is.

Yes I said before I prefer to approach people directly and I prefer to be approached directly if anyone has a problem with me
However like I said before, if you are not comfortable doing that, ask staff to do it for you.

If I were the father I would be a bit annoyed at that and think why didnt they just ask me

I think it is ok to be annoyed by loud behaviour - but reality is everyone doesnt always have self awareness. for varied reasons (one being you are having fun with your toddler) you didnt realise how loud you had become

in which case politely remind them (or ask staff to do so if you cant yourself) and if they stop - no problem.

Vintagejazz

The concern was about getting a rude or dismissive or defensive response. My friend used to run a restaurant and they preferred problems to be raised with staff rather than customers getting into altercations, which happened several times.

of course.

If it cant be solved, ask staff rather than it becoming an altercation.

Politely asking someone something and they oblige isnt an altercation though

It has onky gitten silly because this is AIBU and OP wont accept answers..

Aren't you supposed to accept that some people think you are unreasonable and move on?

I didn't suggest the child was near-diverse. If the father didn't realise that this was problematic for other diners, he may well have been ADHD where impulse control, volume, unusual behaviour can all be part and parcel of the condition.

a simple situation that most people could understand has run to 8 pages and counting, people conjuring up situations nothing like the original post.... irritability of some commenters is astounding! nasty people!

Do you feel that referring to the father as an ignorant prat is tolerant?

I refer to that as an example of vitriol. In all seriousness, you asked and I responded with examples from this thread. I have a feeling you will now deflect again.

Additionally, the words you attribute to the caller are rude. And a sad example for the toddler they were indirectly aimed at.

Except that wasn't what was said. Again, writing your own narrative.

An assumption on my part. I was perplexed by posters who feared asking someone to quiet down. But I guess I’d be scared too if I approached people saying “ hey you ignorant prat, cut that out”

Missiseff

I love hearing a child laugh, no matter where I am.

So do I. The laughing was not what people were objecting to.

Grandpanow

GrannyGravy13, this thread not withstanding, I do think the world is getting more tolerant. The vitriol on this thread is becoming the minority view in the wider population it seems. Your GC are lucky to have you in their corner!

It is also getting louder. 2 years of yelling though masks will leave a lasting impact.

There will always be complainers no matter what. I much prefer the more tolerant part of society. Especially when it comes to parent shaming.

I also have an autistic daughter

Its down to me to help her cope, with headphones etc in public places that can get loud.

Grandpanow

If the people claiming there is no vitriol here typically go around calling people “ignorant prats” and accusing fathers of being “almost abusive” for playing with their children, then I’m beginning to see why so many of the same posters seem to have also had many hostile interactions with the world.

Where have you got any evidence that posters have had many hostile interactions with the world? You seem to be writing your own narrative here.

I love hearing a child laugh, no matter where I am.

A polite way to bring it up to the father's attention would have been - "could you please lower the volume? It is a little bit loud. I appreciate it"

That person was rude.

If the people claiming there is no vitriol here typically go around calling people “ignorant prats” and accusing fathers of being “almost abusive” for playing with their children, then I’m beginning to see why so many of the same posters seem to have also had many hostile interactions with the world.

Doodledog nailed it. As always, perfectly put!