School reports

Jess20

Think at 13 it's his choice, parents must see it but can't see what right you have if he doesn't want to share.

The problem is that it's a regular family thing that's she's suddenly been excluded from and she's hurt because she doesn't understand why.

Not sure my grandparents even knew I got school reports!
If I am about when the grandchildren come in with their report I may read it, equally I may not. Really isn’t a big deal to me.

I have never seen my GC s reports & I wouldn't even think of asking. So yes you ABU as this is between the youngster & parents NOT you

YABU.
Your parents read yours and you read your children's, but your grandchildren are not your children!
You may feel it's right, but you only get to read them if their parents allow this.
Just stick to asking if they're enjoying school etc.

All my Grandparents were dead before I started to get school reports. They never knew that both their DGDs were school dux. with my own DDs the first port of call with their glowing reports was to their GPs Now it is the DGCs turn and they are proud to show off their reports to their GPs

This thread has set me wondering what would have happened if one or more of the children had not been so bright. There was an expectation that all of them would be clever 'Top of the Class' and no great fuss, rewards or congratulations were given to their achievements.

It’s never occurred to me to show grandparents my daughter’s reports! At 13 I would expect the child to have a say in this anyway.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to show my children’s reports to their Grandparents. They are now and college and don’t even like me seeing their reports. I think it’s invasive to expect to see them once the children get older if they are not sharing the report with you themselves. I think the general report can be discussed, but it is the child’s report and if it is being shared without their knowledge it is breaking the parent/child trust.

Think at 13 it's his choice, parents must see it but can't see what right you have if he doesn't want to share.

greenlady102

Grandma70s

I don’t think anything’s my “right”! I was just used to being shown them. I didn’t ask. It just happened.

and now it's just stopped happening.

Grandma70's Yes and I am accepting of that.

And so what now is the problem?

It means - You Are Being Unreasonable.
It's not necessary to use that kind of shorthand, though.
Some do, and some don't.

I’ve never seen any of my granddaughters’ school reports, even though I collect the girls from school on the day they get them. I do hear, in great detail, every word of praise any teacher ever gives them.

Apparently, they never get negative feedback…

What is YABU?

I have never seen any of my grandchildrens school reports. I was never offered that and I never asked. I sometimes ask 'how is school going', usually get the reply 'it's OK'. i am really not bothered about seeing the reports, as long as they are OK that's all that matters.

I’ve never seen my granddaughter’s school report and I don’t want to. I get told the general gist but it’s up to her parents to address any issues. I congratulate her on good reports but wouldn’t put any additional pressure on her.

M0nica

School reports are always very formulaic and meaningless. Our Ds and DDiL will tell us bits and pieces from Parents Evenings and several problems that may be genetic in origin have also been discussed between us.

I find the intrusive part some grandparents play in family life these days quite weird. When I got married, my parents immediately respected our autonomy and the exclusiveness and allowed us to stand on our own feet.

I extended the same courtesy to my DS and DDiL. and what they invite us to be part of, or tell us we treat with confidence, we would only ever look at something, we were explicitly invited to.

I agree with M0nica, school reports are really only intended for the child and their parents. Whether they choose to share them with extended family is entirely up to them, and at 13 I think your GC is old enough to expect some privacy.

Our AC and GC live a long way from us so we have never expected to be a regular part of their lives. They are their own independent family units, we are just extended family now. We all get along well and when we're together we enjoy those times, but we don't expect constant involvement and updates on everything they do.

One of my DILs will sometimes mention their reports or even email a copy to me. I always ask if it's OK with the child that I see it, and if they said no then I would delete the email. I'll be honest and say I find the way reports are 'written' very impersonal now, and the grading is like unravelling a scientific formula!

So yes Grandma70s I do think YABU and definitely over-reacting by being so upset by it.

I wouldn't expect to see them but am usually shown them when I'm over, they are 6 and 12, they like you to see them if they are pleased with them but I'd never ask or expect, it's no slight

Really it isn't your right to see the school report
At 13 the child should have a say as to who see it. Why is it so important that you see it. I have 12 grandchildren and have never expected to read their reports. Its not my business.

Yes, and I’m accepting that.

It's probably just that he's devestated about a bad report, and doesnt want you to see it? I'm sure it's not a slight designed to upset you.

Grandma70s

I don’t think anything’s my “right”! I was just used to being shown them. I didn’t ask. It just happened.

and now it's just stopped happening.

I don’t think anything’s my “right”! I was just used to being shown them. I didn’t ask. It just happened.

At his age he probably wants to keep some things between him and parents especially if he's going through a rough patch. I don't see my grandchildrens' reports and I wouldnt expect too as I'm not their parent. I'm always told how they are doing at school and that's enough. I don't think grandparents have the right to see the report unless they are in loco parentis, it's a privilege if they do.

Up until now my DIL has always sent me a screenshot of my GDs school reports although I’ve never asked to see them - she is currently doing well at school.
I somehow don’t think she will be as keen to share my GSs report with me - he’s just started and is struggling. It’s nice to know that the GC are doing well and lovely for them but I don’t need to see a copy of the report to know that.
As people have said school reports often don’t reflect how a child finally turns out - growing up I was mostly ashamed of mine and my children reports weren’t much better.

My daughter always shows me my grandchildren’s reports but I don’t ask to see them or expect her to show me. They are quite young at present so I don’t know whether the children themselves will want to continue this as they get older which I look on as their right to privacy between themselves and their parents. I don’t regard reports as the be all and end all anyway or a particularly good way of summarising a child’s attainment. I always remember a comment by a teacher which said something to the effect that ‘this boy will never amount to anything’. That boy was Albert Einstein.

I've always seen my daughter's children's reports, but I work in the school they go to, so I've a good idea of where they are anyway. With my son, the grandchildren only showed me their GCSE and A Level certificates, which they used to screenshot for me. I wouldn't expect to see them, but whatever they showed, I'd always say I was immensely proud and as long as they try their best that's all I d be interested in. I'm far more concerned with how they behave in school hoping that they're kind and respectful to others and are happy withing themselves