School reports

No, we should not expect to my GP never saw mine except the one saying I had passed my 11+
I get a photocopy from one their choice, not mine and nothing from the others and would never ask.

My parents were never interested in my school reports. It was my gran who encouraged me and was always interested to see them. She would give me wise advice (tough love) and it was not always what I wanted to hear at the time.

For example I hated sport and did everything I could to avoid it. When I had my civil service interview (age 16 and back in the early 1960s) she pointed out that they would be bound to ask about what sports I enjoyed. I wanted to be honest but she warned me against it. "They want to know that you are competetive but you can also work in a team".

She advised me to find a way to talk about sport along with other competitions I did enjoy, such as the music, poetry and drama festivals. So instead of saying what sports I "enjoyed" I told the panel what sports we "did" and then went on to quickly tell them about the competetive parts of school life that I did enjoy and how proud I was to be selected to represent my house.

My grandmother was a very wise woman. One of my greatest regrets is that she did not live to see me (eventually) go to uni and graduate with a 1st. She would have loved the formal ceremony.

Never in the reign of pigs pudding would i readmy G/childrens school report.
I am always told about them and would never comment if it were bad.
I only praise.

I am with the majority opinion here and do not think you need to be upset because you do not see your grandson's report on this occasion. I do get it that it's a change in usual practice and perhaps feels like a snub, but don't let it get to you. Your son will probably explain that it isn't. I don't see my grand childrens' reports and don't expect to. It's between them, their parents and their schools.

I always showed my Mum the reports of my children until it became obvious she felt they belonged to her because she didn't give them back and would squirrel them away. If she came round, I would show her, if not, I wouldn't. I didn't think it was her "right" to see them but it wasn't a problem either. We always picked something positive out of every report to focus on and made a mental note to help where there were problems. Whatever the teachers wrote about one of mine, we knew they were not telling us the whole story...he was much worse! As a teacher, I also knew they would focus on the positive and fudge the negative so it was never a true reflection.
If my child had asked me not to show their report, I would have respected that. My reports were alway dire so I would understand their embarrassment.
AYBU? Maybe overreacting a little is a better way to put it. You will always be family and if you want a good relationship, it is better not to make a fuss about things that aren't fundamental to a good relationship.

I think it’s rather nice to be shown school reports but it would never occur to me that it’s my right. After all, the parents are on hand if there are issues that actually need addressing so why would a grandparent think they SHOULD see it rather than just enjoy seeing it if shown? It’s almost as if the person posting this has queried why he or she hasn’t seen it, so I assume they feel very much it’s their right, and not sure I agree

I expect I will see the report of the grandchild who lives in my house as I effectively co-parent but no way would I assume it for any of my 8 other grandchildren. I get a screenshot sometimes of a report of one or the other if there’s something funny or surprisingly praiseworthy. I love them all but they are not my children and I don’t expect anything from my adult children either or their spouses because they are grown-up. I know they love me but I am not part of their family unit. I doubt very much if my grandchildren who have passed year 5 are going to want their reports shown to anyone. I had enough trouble getting one of my own children to hand over the report after the age of 11.?

I think this is more about something usual/regular stopping suddenly.
No matter what happens in any other family, it did happen in this one…and it stopped.
The OP is bound to have a reaction and it’s expected and natural.
Just needs a little time to get used to the idea that something’s changed as the grandchildren are growing up.
Speaking as someone who always reacts poorly to sudden change, I can totally emphasise. ?

We’ve seen the reports when our grandchildren were very young! Never when teenagers wouldn’t expect to either! School reports don’t really mean that much, I am quite surprised that grandparents are expecting to see them, crikey you aren’t expecting his report to be great! I think you are being very unreasonable, I’m with your son all the way.

It may well be your grandson who doesn't want to share it now he's getting older, especially if he is finding things difficult at the moment. Please don't be hurt, there are much more important things than seeing a report.

I would have hated my Grandparents to see mine - it was bad enough having to show them to my parents!
As a grandparent we have no rights just privileges!

I think it's more unusual than regular for grandparents to see their grandchild's reports, unless the child and/or parent(s) want some sort of 'reaction' from the grandparent(s).

Seeing a grandchild's school report should not be seen as anything other than an honour. And if seeing them stops for any reason, the grandparent(s) shouldn't say anything beyond, MAYBE, something like "Oh, I haven't seen {GC}'s report yet..." to the parent(s), and leave it at whatever they say.

Quite unreasonable. I would not expect to see them. Where does it end - G nieces and nephews?

I can quite see that having formerly seen you grandson's school reports you feel snubbed and hurt this year.

But I am honestly astonished than any grandparent would expect to see a grandchild's report.

Okay, my grandparents did not live within easy distance of us, but my parents made do with telling them that our reports were satisfactory, good, or that we were have difficulties in certain subjects.

Neither my parents nor my grandparents expected that something that is basically a confidential document should be handed round the family.

I remember my mother handing me my report to read when I was seven, and mentioning that many parents did not actually show their children these reports, but just told them what was in it.

She would never have shown me my sister's. or shown my sister my report, considering that a breach of confidentialty.
I was never present when my parents discussed my sister's report with her, or she in the room when they gave me the details of mine.

I cannot imagine any 13 year old wanting his grandmother to see his report - but I cannot speak from my own experience here, as all my grandparents were dead by the time I was thirteen.

Yes, YABU. He is your grandson but the report is not honestly any of your business if he and his parents don't want you to see it.
My mother helped us to pay school fees for my youngest daughter but never asked to see her reports.

Callistemon21

Look back at your own school reports (if you still have them) and you may have a good laugh.

They will probably bear no relation to what you achieved, what career path or hobbies you pursued in later life.

The only comment I remember from any of mine is the one from the art teacher, before I was finally able to give it up.

One word, ‘Weak.’
To be fair, she could have said, ‘Utterly hopeless’.
Nothing’s changed in that department!

Funny how I don’t remember any of the language teachers’ comments, which I’m sure were full of praise (she said modestly).

I imagine your grandson is embarrassed and your son is respecting that. Fair play to your son.

Gosh I would never expect or ask to see my grandchildren's school reports. I believe they are confidential and by showing them to anyone at all - even grandparents it would breach the trust between parents and child.

My own school reports were pretty grim so on the whole I'd prefer not to relive the pain with my grandchildren!

When they were little, we were shown or told about the reports as our DGC as we did daily childcare. As they grew up, we tended to be told anything they particularly wanted us to know and eventually nothing unless we asked. Maybe a sudden cut off is more unexpected.

Perhaps, at 13, your grand children have been given the choice whether to show you, and prefer not to?

OP,
You are very very YABU

Would it tell you anything you don't already know anyway?

'Fraid school reports have always been taken with a pinch of salt in our family, and we haven't shared them apart from a general 'it was good' kind of comment.

It's a little thing - let it go.

I understand it being a bit of a wrench when they are usually shared with you.

I would let it go though, your son and grandson may be feeling a bit upset about it or your son might be feeling a bit of a failure right now.

I'm not saying you would judge but you are his mum and, sometimes children just don't want to share these things with parents because it is harder to then, I don't know how to explain it, not feel the hard emotions I guess.

Let him share if ad when he is ready

No, a general comment on the number of threads from grandparents who still haven't cut the umbilical cord.

My grandchildren live 200 miles away. We see them every holiday for about a week and usual make brief visits for birthdays, although we didn't this year as DGS was going to a theme park for a day, and DH couldn't keep going all day.