Relative moving within three doors!

GrammyGrammy

Why don't people want other people to be close and involved and connected and loving and interactive and being together and living shared lives? Why do you all like living your tiny little lives alone in your little boxes keeping blood relatives away and out of things? I find this resentful, withholding, distancing and lack of familial care and love and warmth disgusting actually and it is a widespread plague. I know it is the norm now but it feels awful to me. Sad and disappointing.

This may be sad and disappointing for you, but everyone is different. I am an introvert and I thrive on being independent, often solitary and would not like relatives popping in or observing my comings and goings!

Prentice

You really do not like the relative? I would love several close relatives to live next door or very near.
I think they may just be saying this and not really be prepared to sell their house and then buy another near you and may want your reaction to their news before doing anything.
The house they want may sell quickly and they cannot buy it anyway.

I adore 90% of my relatives

I’d hate to live that close

DH is away, daughter is away, no other relatives nearby, neighbours each side away. I am wondering who I would ring if I needed help. I wouldn’t mind having a relative nearby, as long as we could live our own lives, but be there for each other.
If course if you can’t stand them, you’d be furious.

ALANaV ???

Accentuate the positives ! Tongue in cheek you could say 'Oh we are SO pleased ...means we won't have to send the dog/cat/granny to be cared for when we are away since you will be so close...sure you won't mind looking after them, and making sure the house is ok whilst we go away on several planned holidays/cruises/second home/ (DONT tell them the dates //they will probably book the same !).......don't tell them which pubs/restaurants you will be going to, or when ......or clubs etc you are planning on joining ! and DONT say we must meet up when you move in ......

I just asked my husband what he thought and he said too close for comfort, I feel the same out of all the homes to move to, but we like our space especially if the relative would be one of these that likes to pop round all the time, just read the update, no we wouldn’t be happy, but don’t think we would be looking for another property not after loving the one we had found

Are the definitely intending to move in. They may be buying with view to rent the house out. A lot will depend on the relatives and the kind of people they are. Perhaps they have no intention of popping in every minute. You may be looking for problems that will never arise. If you are so uncomfortable with the situation pull out of purchase and look elsewhere.

I agree with Grammy Grammy and the several others who would dearly enjoy and love family to be close. I find this to be a particularly English point of view. I don't know a lot of people amongst my neighbors who feel that way about their family, nor do I. If you know them to be a total PIA, that's different. But it sounds as if most of you don't want much to do with your families. Sad.

Oh hell, I'd hate that but then I'm an antisocial old bat. I'd tell them it looked like it might fall through and see if they still want to move.

I once knew someone who didn't want to go to the same swimming pool as us! Very odd. Another person took up my special hobby, which felt like competition. I think sometimes people get very possessive about things or places and see them as 'theirs'. I feel a bit like this about a certain holiday destination. Completely irrational. People can go where they like, of course. But it's different if they have caused you problems or are trying to muscle in somehow.

Could it be that they bought the house not knowing they would be so close to you? Have you asked them? Do you know what their intentions are? They might actually feel as horrified about it as you do.

Being so close doesn't mean that you have to live in one another's pockets though.

Dorset. Hi, if I were in your situation I would be inclined to sit down with your DH and his cousin and family and find out exactly what their plans are. You have done all this work to find your dream home and it would be a shame to waste all that time and energy you have spent on this project.
As others have suggested, they may be just testing your reaction to their "plans".
Then you can make an informed decision which way to go.
You never know, if you both families decide to go ahead with purchasing, you could be a great support to each other in your senior years.
I was touched by Vickya's lovely, heartwarming story of real family care and support for each generation as and when needed.

Coastalgran that was a very unpleasant post. At no point has the OP been 'smug'. It says more about you than her.

... maybe queenofsaanich69 - or maybe they just can't bear to miss out!

Reply you are delighted as when you get older and ill someone will be there to look after you ?
Don’t be too down it may work out well,but I can see how your heart would sink,they must really think your lovely people to want to be so near.

Sounds like they’ll be a bit too close for comfort. You need to ask them what’s going on here, is it the area that they like or is it having you for neighbours. Otherwise if you cancel the purchase and find somewhere else they might follow you there!

coastalgran where us the evidence that Dorset was smug?
I took from it that she was excited.

Perhaps you should have kept quiet about the move and not been a bit showy and smug then they wouldn't have known. Afraid that you are stuck with them, worse still they might have bought it as a rental and let it to highly undesirable people and the other neighbours in this small enclave will blame you.

I’ve lived at the other end of the country from my sister for nearly 40 years, I’d absolutely love it if she came and lived close to me ?

Daisend1

GrammyGrammy
Many would, as many would not, enjoy living near relatives.
Choice

this ^^ I had relatives I would not have wanted to live near to. They have passed away now so not going to happen.

Well said NotSpaghetti - totally agree.

Dorset - If it were me, given your further update I’d see if you can find out if they definitely are purchasing or whether it’s wishful thinking on their part. If it’s the former, then you have to weigh up whether it’s worth taking the risk and if this would affect your relationship with your DH. If it’s the latter then you can breathe a sigh of relief. Good luck x

I feel so guilty for now not feeling excited about our new home and my husband happens to feel the same

If you both feel that life will be difficult, with the relatives so close and the problems you mention, you could be better to cancel the new house and look for something else.
A lot of bother, obviously, but could be much less bother than the situation you'd be getting into.

You could go ahead with your own sale, then rent until you find somewhere else and you'd then have the money immediately available.

GrammyGrammy it's not nice of you to be so judgemental.
Surely you know that some relatives are best in small doses, or not at all.

If 2 of my siblings moved close, I would secretly sell up and move, 1 sister I'd love to be near - and she nearly did move 40 yards away but sadly it fell through x

I would personally prefer relatives 20 mins or a bit more away. I would not like them to just keep on popping in.

I can see the benefits of being close if you are looking after an agèd relative for example - or someone you care about who suffers from, say, serious mental illness - but I'd still rather be able to have a (kindly) break from them and not feel that they will be upset if we have cars arriving and they aren't part of things. I'd also rather not feel these relatives have to come along with me if I'm going out. I don't always want family to "do" everything with me.

It would be hard to exclude someone from say, a barbecue or birthday or just a casual get-together if they were just two doors away. Sometimes I want to be able to socialise with people I want to socialise with, not a cousin or a great aunt no matter how much I love them.

And yes, I do love them... and in small and not so small ways we all share this love. We each love and support each other (better I think than many "in your pocket" families), and regularly make the one hour, two hour, 45 minute, 20 minute, journeys to do this.

So GrammyGrammy on behalf of other "not-in-the-pocket" families and those of us who did cut apron strings, I find your remarks offensive and just wrong

Why do you all like living your tiny little lives alone in your little boxes keeping blood relatives away and out of things? I find this resentful, withholding, distancing and lack of familial care and love and warmth disgusting

Firstly, I don't think we have "tiny little lives" what makes you think that? And why do you think we are "alone"? Maybe if we were alone we might like it better!
Just because you don't want to live in someone's pocket does not mean you are resentful, or withholding or distancing and it certainly doesn't mean you have a lack of familial care and love and warmth.

I'm with M0nica on this one. If it's true, and the agent will know if it is, I'd find another house if it's not too late.

Given your update I would seriously reconsider the move. Does your husband admit he drinks too much when with his cousin? He could promise he won't when you move, but what will you do if your fears are realised? By saying nothing and leaving it to your husband, you could end up moving and it becomes a prison for you.