Relative moving within three doors!

Why are (some) people so hostile to the idea of family living near each other? . Locking back gates etc in case they become too familiar … oh dear. They could all get on fine and be mutually supportive. Here in South Wales it’s pretty normal to live in the same street as your family.

I have one nephew living about 30 minutes walk away (he does not drive) and the rest of my family are in another city 35 miles away (all drivers). That suits me fine as I dont want to be over invested with any of my family but they are there when I need them. Nephew who lives near comes over once a week and would come more often if I asked him to but I seldom do. We each have our own agenda. I dont want to be too closely involved with either relatives or neighbours. My choice.

Why has this popped up again in the daily email when the OP was back in July? Doesn't appear they have been back to comment since then...

Our oldest daughter lives a stone's throw from us. She comes to see us several times a week and helps with the garden, putting out recycling boxes, etc. We take in packages and I do a bit of cooking, clothes repair, and hand washing of sweaters and such for her. We generally don't visit her unannounced but welcome her any time. Nice symbiosis, actually. Our other daughter lives 150K distant so we see her much less frequently.

Nightmare! I feel for you, I can't think of anything worse. Good luck.

Good fences make good neighbours.

You must really hate them. I had some lovely relatives, and sadly they are all gone now.

I'd not like to live close to a relation if they were the sort of person who cannot bear to be alone for long and must always be in company.
On the other hand, I'd like to live nearby if they and I had a lot in common including a love of solitude.

I would envy you!

We have no close relatives nearby, and I feel isolated! You don't have to be in each others pockets but knowing that someone is close in an emergency would be wonderful

I agree with Grammy Grammy. It is so sad that people are so standoffish these days.
My inlaws were a big family and everyone went calling in when ever and everyone was made very welcome. My inlaws are nearly all dead now including my DH.
One of my AC took up with a young man who had similar family relationships. I wish included when my AC went to call on his relatives. I was made welcome. Quite a few of his relatives were brought to visit at my house and I hope they felt welcomed in my house. Unfortunately things did not work out between AC and the old DP so there is no cheery family atmosphere. The new DP is not at all like the old DP and likes to try to control everything. This is not for me so I see very little of AC now.
It is such a poorer life without all these interactions.

I wonder if the relatives are having the same discussions

'It's a lovely house but it might cause problems living so close to them - what if they start popping in for a chat?'

'We'll have to have a fallback plan to get rid of them if they stay too long and we can pretend to not be in sometimes'

'Hopefully they won't come around too often, or keep inviting us around or to the pub - I don't mind going occasionally but I'd rather see our friends'

Our last house was between 5 and 10 minutes drive from my DSisters nieces and nephews. Everyone was welcome to just pop in for a chat whenever I was home. This worked well while the children were small but as they became adults we ended up just being a meeting place for them all. We were largely ignored and left out of conversations.
My eldest DSister argued with me one day over something petty. I was fed up of being used as a meeting hall so didn't bother contacting her again for a couple of years which got rid of the nieces and nephews.
We made friends again a few years ago but have now moved 100miles away to the coast.
Just our own AC and DGC come to visit now and a few chosen friends.
OP if you could argue with them and fall out it could solve the problem. It did mine.

What would you feel if your husband sadly passed and you would be living alone with them as neighbours. Would it be a comfort for you, or not?

MY parents applied for a council pensioners flat under a scheme which gave priority to tenants downsizing from 3 or 4 bed Council houses. They had been having big problems with their horrible NDNs so were thrilled when they were allocated a flat just round the corner from our family (Me, DH & 2DDs) home. I was not at all thrilled as my DM was a hypochondriac, always 'ill' and taking to her bed, moaning and needing everything done for her.

I was so surprised when the move gave my DM a new lease of life. She had lovely, helpful new neighbours and joined the local very active church and other groups. They had a very small garden area, so my father took over half of my enormous garden to grow fruit and veg -keeping my half tidy at the same time. My Dad was happy to cat sit if we were away and my Mum to after school child mind her DGDs Best of all I no longer had to endure formal long visits to their house listening to her catalogue of woes - instead I did a lot of mini 'pop ins', could stay for a bleather and cuppa if she was in a good mood, or if not 'need to rush home'. It all turned out very well.

StoneofDestiny

It's amazing they didn't ask if you minded.

But really what could you say if they did ask, that would be difficult too.

Kittye

I’ve lived at the other end of the country from my sister for nearly 40 years, I’d absolutely love it if she came and lived close to me ?

That is lovely. But I am with the OP all the way, I'd be so annoyed, especially if they are relatives (doesn't matter is brother, cousin, or whatever) I don't get on with so well and I'd guess could become invasive, and expect to be 'looked' after even.

Are you sure their sale is going through and they are definitely moving to that particular house. It would be upsetting if you gave your house up and then something happened to their sale or they just changed their minds.

My son and his girlfriend bought a house and at the same time we were looking for a new home. Just so happened that one diagonally across the street from him was for sale and the perfect home for us. After 2 years, it is still working out extremely well. One strict rule that we both agreed to before we even signed the contract for this house was that we are not to drop by each other's house unless we text or call first to ask if it is a convenient time even if we are just quickly dropping something off. I suggest you make a similar agreement with your relatives.

Cabbie21

DH is away, daughter is away, no other relatives nearby, neighbours each side away. I am wondering who I would ring if I needed help. I wouldn’t mind having a relative nearby, as long as we could live our own lives, but be there for each other.
If course if you can’t stand them, you’d be furious.

Tried Ghostbusters?! I wouldn't like a relative to assume I'm their personal emergency service operative at ALL! Don't you think your assuming an awful lot?

I feel your frustration! Nightmare or what?! Unless you bite hard on a huge bullet and pull out? Losing into the mix probably a lot of dosh? Or, gird your loins and have at the ready some cast iron ground rules! Surrounding your lovely new garden with a screening hedge , and get a snoopy doorbell so you can be prepared to repel raiders! Or just decide to blank them if they're that bad? The choices are there for the non feint hearted.....

NotSpaghetti, could not have put it better myself, you are spot on. It’s taken 3 years, with covid and a very close aunt dying, funeral etc to get here today finally choosing this area and house. Of course I spoke about it to my husbands cousin who showed great interest and even offered to go and did go (2 hours from their home) and view the different stages of build as we are so far away. I get on very well with them BUT do not want to live next door to them! I am going to suggest they choose a house 20 minutes away but know they love what we have chosen. I could always sell in a year if it got that bad. This site has helped me so much, in this dilemma so thank you from the bottom of my heart. It’s a great friend for advice, a positive has come out of this situation ? I have just paid extra money for things that were not included in the build so don’t want to pull out and in fact am exchanging in 4 weeks after lots of paperwork problems.

When we moved 500 miles for DH to take a new job, we bought a house in the same street as his DGM but inadvertently right opposite his new boss!
I think the boss was horrified but his DW turned out to be a really kind friend who called round almost daily! We all loved having GGM nearby
After a few years we moved to buy a house with my DM.
That was not a success and I would not recommend being so close. Later she left to live 2 miles from my Dsister. That worked better but I would not want to be too close to relatives.
It sounds ok but impacts on your privacy. You can't help being aware of their every move and they yours
Somehow when it's strangers, it's different and you can establish boundaries.

You never know who the neighbours are going to be. You might not like any of them. Personally, I like living close to my family, I enjoy my AC dropping in for a cuppa or to borrow something. Not a problem.

I'm trying to find a house to buy near my daughter. She is very excited about it. DH is not so keen other than it saving mileage and petrol.

I agree Grammy Grammy Its love to have relatives close by I had my younger cousin close by when they rented after the bushfires It was lovely
But they’ve moved away into a new build now
So happy for them but lonely here my nearest family is hours away now