to be disheartened with people

A big Happy Birthday wish to you, Marilynne! I feel for you because I know what it's like! And in general, I cannot bring myself down to their level in being as thoughtless and selfish as them! However, I had two friends who I always remembered at Christmas and birthdays. They might send me a card occasionally, but when the three of us went out for a meal a fortnight after my 60th (and they both knew that I would be 60 that year and hadn't bothered), I happened to mention what I'd done for my 60th (going to a spa with my husband) and neither said a thing - it wasn't through embarrassment of forgetting either, I realised they just didn't care! I haven't seen either of them since. I think I've got to the age where I'm not going to put up with thoughtlessness any more. It's not difficult to send a card, or even a text, is it? As for telling people what you expect of them, I'm afraid I just can't do that - it means nothing to me if I've had to ask for something, it should come from the heart. Just a little unexpected message or a card or something means the world to me, it's not like I want expensive presents or lots of fuss. Remember, you are not alone, there seems to be a lot of us on here who get treated this way, maybe our thoughtfulness does get taken for granted and we do seem to get 'walked over'. And your flat sounds lovely, but it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, so long as you love living there! We have a quirky house that both my mother and mother-in-law have said they don't like and can't imagine why we bought it! I cannot imagine ever saying something like that to someone, it's just not appropriate, and it's unkind .... and none of their business, we can't all like the same things! If it's a small flat, it obviously suits you as you chose it, and I bet your energy bills are smaller, and it takes less time to clean, and of course, who wouldn't love to live near the sea? Anyway, birthday flowers for you (flowers)

Just catching up - so Happy Birthday from me too, albeit a late one, At this rate you'll be able to do what my OH does and celebrate a 'birthday month'!
Have a great time treating yourself and enjoy your sea view.

Happy 70th Birthday Quote MarilynneT33 for yesterday. It was my birthday yesterday too. ?

MarilynneT33, (Happy 70th ) Birthdays mean a lot to some people - and the little gestures like phone calls, visits, gifts and cards have significant symbolic meaning (perhaps exaggerated beyond the emotion/thought behind them). Other people, including me, couldn't care less about them.

I think birthday fuss is for children, not adults, so find it quite embarrassing when people do it for me. I recognise that some elderly relatives appreciate a 'nice' card or phone call - maybe a small gift or visit - so I do it (reluctantly) just out of duty. Where is 'It's the thought that counts' in that, really?

To you, your sense of being valued by others is 'measured' by these gestures. Why is that? There's the crux of the matter. Your feelings of self-worth and belonging shouldn't rest on such trivial things.

You got a card and two phone calls. You took offence at the 'poky' word. Now, let it go - and buy yourself a lovely cake and present ( telling your husband that if he doesn't bother then you'll do it yourself).

Happy 70th birthday MarilynneT33. Like you, I like my birthday to be acknowledged. If you act on the the advice given above you should receive texts, cards and gifts for your 71st. Make your feelings known.
Also, why not treat yourself during the year to special items and save them for your big day? Put them away so you forget about them then enjoy the surprise.
I’m glad your husband feels as you do and wants you to indulge yourself. Go for it!

Hetty58 I get your point, but your 70th birthday is special!
I think I would tell people how disappointed I was.
Happy birthday Marilynne

It's not about the presents, I think.
It's just an acknowledgement that someone thought about you.
Happy Birthday. (and yes, I'm often disheartened by people I had hoped better from)

Thankyou for the flowers Cornflower. I think everyone is pointing to the same thing that I should stop worrying about other people and what they think about my home.

MarilynneT33
Happy Belated 70th Birthday ? ... hard as it sounds ... try not to let it get to you , although deep down it will ... also ... I know 2 wrongs don't make a right & it will be hard ... ignor their birthdays , no contact no card no present ... then hopefully they will understand how you feel ... also your home your palace ... ignor what people say ... saying this ... now go out treat yourself to a lovely coffee/ tea & a BIG cake ? enjoy ... yummy ? yum ? yum ? ... God bless

What other folk think of your home isn't important. And we all have different ideas of where we like to live. Ignore the silly comment.

I know how you feel. It is my birthday on Thursday and I know I will not get a card from my husband - my daughter usually gets one for me him but she is abroad on holiday. There IS Amazon, but I know he won’t bother. In future I would just send family cards only - as clearly they don’t put thought into your birthdays. Anyway - Happy 70th Birthday! As others have said - treat yourself to something nice. And ignore the sour grapes comment about your lovely flat. X

So so disappointing when family and friends don’t send cards and /or gifts for your birthday especially your daughters and husband that s pretty unforgivable Husbands aren’t good at cards /gifts sometimes but daughters usually are on the ball
I think that’s very disappointing and I d be very hurt if it happened to me
Just out if interest Where are you to have Mother’s Day flowers still alive in July Mother’s Day was March in U.K. isn’t it may in US
Don’t worry about your house that was a silly comment it’s yours and should be what you like and what suits you not anyone else
I m not going to tell you to forget about your birthday disappointment as you won’t but I would tell your family how upset and uncared for it’s made you feel don’t hide it away they need to know and think

A very belated Happy Birthday from me

Bluebelle I'm on the west coast of Lancashire, UK. Some of the flowers are wilting a bit in this heat but I try and keep them watered.

If I can find the right camera lens for what I want my hubby will buy one for my birthday. Thankyou for all you messages.

I can never understand being so invested in the observance of birthdays, mothers day, etc. They are all driven by commercialism. I have no children by choice so I never expect anything for my birthday. Its just another day.

I agree with Hetty58's post about birthdays as an adult.

I have three adult children and sometimes get a card, sometimes a present, sometimes both. It depends on their fluctuating finances!

My husband and my big birthdays are just three weeks apart so I usually suggest something for both of us which may or may not include our children.

I can understand you feeling let down by everyone, but I think your thoughts about having a good swear and saying to hell with people is the best way forward for you.
Plan your own celebrations in future and you'll have the birthday you want ?

Hope you are enjoying a Happy Birthday today Carenza ?????? ? ??

I m amazed flowers are still alive from Mother’s Day in March perhaps it was a plant
I hope you get your camera part and if I was you I d let your family know you were hurt and disappointed
Well biglouis I think you’re in the minority to not expect anything at all or any acknowledment for your birthday fine if that sits well with you I would be very hurt if no one at all acknowledged my birthday

Happy belated birthday.
I know how you feel my DD's are good at remembering but some of the extended family could not care less. We always sent cards to nephews and nieces and presents and cards for their children and my BIL and his wife. BIL sends DH a card but never me.
When we moved I knew what would happen as we are on the edge of a tourist Honey pot. They could not stay away, "just popping in", obviously to case the joint for future holidays. I said to DH I am not running a B&B and never showed them upstairs. Our house is deceptive and they did not realise how many bedrooms we have.
We have never seen them since.
Forget them enjoy your lovely seaside flat we would all love, and treat yourself to something you have always wanted.

MarilynnT33

I'm late but I want to wish you a lovely belated birthday and I hope you can spend that money that you spend on everyone else on YOURSELF for a change.
Leave them out, forget their birthdays and Christmas, let them know what it feels like to be forgotten and overlooked and just treat yourself!!
So what if you live in a poky little flat, at least it is home to you and your husband!

Think of yourself first, it'll make a lovely change. Go out, take yourself and hubby for a weekend/week, whatever, away and just enjoy yourselves!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY (one for each year) HAPPY BIRTHDAY (and one for luck xoxo

Thankyou all. There is supposed to be a big family get together planned on my DH side for next month but I'm thinking to hell with it. I have given up with people now.
Thankyou Ali for your sing song. xx

Your Aunt sounds a little jealous imo MarilynneT33.
A very Happy 70th to you.
Its who celebrates/wishes you a Happy 70th that counts, not those who dont.
Do whats right for you in future.

Wishing you a Happy 70+1 day Birthday MarilynneT3

You are not being unreasonable. They are. And selfish and thoughtless. Of course it's natural to want our birthdays acknowledged, it's human nature for most people to know that their loved ones care.
Along with lots of others on here I wish you many happy birthdays in the future.
As for your flat, it sounds wonderful to me so just ignore the old envious aunt.
Nil desperandum Carborundum. (my father used to translate that as "Never let the b******s grind you down into the dust")