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AIBU

Neighbours ruining our road.

(43 Posts)
Llynwen1 Tue 19-Jul-22 10:23:26

Our neighbours moved in a year ago, 3 small children 4/5. It’s all smiles when they go out of their front door but in the house and back garden it’s a different story. The screaming (not in happy play) is horrendous, we understand one child has problems but at least two of them to be screaming at 6am in the morning, and throughout the day is awful. The father has a terrible temper and we hear him losing it frequently. For info the houses are detached but we hear them even when both houses windows are closed. I have started keeping a note of the shouting and screaming as I am so concerned that things are not happy in that house. I’m sure there’s nothing physical going on as it would be picked up at play school/school. Apart from that it has ruined life for us, we can’t use our garden at weekends because of the noise and are always ‘waiting’ for the next melt down. We have even gone as far to have our house valued with a view to moving. Other neighbours hear them too. . Any helpful ideas please. Thanks

Calendargirl Tue 19-Jul-22 10:34:59

No advice, but just to say I feel for you. How awful it is not feeling you can go out in your own garden.

Just be careful if you decide to move, ( but why should you have to?), as any disputes or similar can have an adverse effect on sales.

( I realise you haven’t had disputes yet, as such.)

GagaJo Tue 19-Jul-22 11:23:25

The tenant of my flat made multiple complaints about the 8 year old living in the flat underneath screaming loudly. Eventually, the owner of the downstairs flat got in touch with him to let him know the child was on the spectrum and had regular melt-downs.

The family moved on after a year. I did feel for my tenant but also for the mum of the girl.

Kate54 Tue 19-Jul-22 11:27:05

I wouldn’t be totally sure anything amiss would be picked up by playgroup or school. It should be, of course, and usually is but I’d keep an eye on things.

Elizabeth27 Tue 19-Jul-22 11:30:28

All you can do is move, they are not breaking any laws and if you confront them it could turn nasty.

I do feel for you.

biglouis Tue 19-Jul-22 13:27:28

I would keep my nose out of their business and invest in some good quality headphones and loud music.

When I was studying for my Masters and Ph.D I lived in a flat on one of the roughest and most notorious estates in my city. That was all I could afford and it was a huge culture shock to be among people of that kind. In summer some used to put speakers outside and broadcast to the entire area. Every weekend there were shebeens (pay parties) with music til dawn. The police and the council would not intervene. Sometimes I was woken by gun shots. That was when I learned to let my neighbours just get on with it and cover up their noise with my own.

Calendargirl Tue 19-Jul-22 13:30:57

Not everyone wants to sit with headphones and loud music on biglouis and I for one don’t see why the OP should have to.

Llynwen1 Tue 19-Jul-22 13:45:31

?

Llynwen1 Tue 19-Jul-22 13:48:21

Thank you for the sensible replies,.
Biglouis I shall ignore yours.

biglouis Tue 19-Jul-22 13:50:59

I didnt say I WANTED to but it was a way of coping with my noisy underclass neighbours at a tijme when I could not afford anything else. Unfortunately screaming kids and shouty neighbours in their own gardens are not breaking any laws. Nor are they likely to quiet down if confronted. So options are limitd to moving away or putting up with them!

Beckett Tue 19-Jul-22 13:56:58

"underclass neighbours" !!!!!!!!

rafichagran Tue 19-Jul-22 14:04:26

Beckett

"underclass neighbours" !!!!!!!!

This, who are you to call anyone underclass Big Louis, terrible snobbery.

GagaJo Tue 19-Jul-22 14:04:37

Upper, middle, working, under. All recognised sociological terms to define class.

Curlywhirly Tue 19-Jul-22 14:05:07

Beckett

"underclass neighbours" !!!!!!!!

Indeed!!!

I would be very worried that the children are being abused - the dad sounds like a real bully. If you have any real worries you should mention it to one of the authorities, I think you can ring the NSPCC anonymously?

Baggs Tue 19-Jul-22 14:06:03

What about noise-cancelling headphones? I don't know anything about them except that they exist. I don't think they involve one having to listen to loud music.

DillytheGardener Tue 19-Jul-22 14:12:18

Llynwen1 I’d report them to social services. Schools do not always pick up emotional abuse rather than physical abuse.

This also means you won’t have to declare the neighbours as a nuisance when you sell the house, may reduce the fathers nasty temper which will hopefully give him a fright and calm him down and therefore calm the children down a little (poor things living in ) and may make your life easier if this reduces the noise a little.

Sorry I know the feeling. We had a very similar situation during lockdown but thankfully they moved after the lockdown and were replaced by a lovely elderly couple.

biglouis Tue 19-Jul-22 14:14:10

The worst thing about noise which is being imposed upon you by an outside source is that you have no control over it. It makes you feel helpless and manipulated. You are constantly tense waiting for the next burst. If you are able to cover the unwanted noise by something of your choice – such as music or white noise – then YOU are in control of the volume and the “new” sound source. It is the far easier to dis-attend something you have selected because you chose it. I got used to studying with music on such that I now put the radio or TV on as soon as I get up. Its background noise which I can forget about when I have to concentrate on something important. Deeper thinking posters will recognise that these are basic psychological principles instead of naively dismissing them.

DillytheGardener Tue 19-Jul-22 14:15:18

We reported the family to social services and the noise reduced quite a bit. They never guessed it was us, as their house is one over from ours with a semi detached house in between us, and they had three direct surrounding neighbours in semis, and as the noise travels it could have been anyone within two to three houses to theirs.

GagaJo Tue 19-Jul-22 14:17:23

Agree biglouis. When I'm exam marking, I put white noise on my laptop and put my headphones on. I do it to drown out general 'household' noise, because anything can interrupt my concentration (an age related issue I think). I've now come to associate examining with white noise and need it on even when no one is home!

Calendargirl Tue 19-Jul-22 14:49:26

Deeper thinking posters

Obviously not me then.

sad

micmc47 Tue 19-Jul-22 14:55:20

So sorry to hear this, but it's a total lottery as regards neighbours, as we know to our cost. We ended up selling our holiday apartment on the Algarve about 3 years ago, when nightmare neighbours moved in directly above us, and made our life a total misery. So yes, you may be well advised to move, but be aware that neighbours like that can devalue all properties in the immediate area. Also, things have to get pretty bad before the Authorities are likely to intervene, and such intervention can take ages.

lixy Tue 19-Jul-22 14:59:50

If you're worried about a child or young person, you can contact the NSPCC helpline for support and advice for free - call on 0808 800 5000 - and please do.

Children with additional needs are very vulnerable to emotional abuse.

PollyDolly Tue 19-Jul-22 16:02:55

'I’m sure there’s nothing physical going on as it would be picked up at play school/school. '

You know that for a fact do you? If you have the slightest suspicion then you must report this matter to your local Social Services.

Shelflife Wed 20-Jul-22 13:46:31

This is clearly very distressing for you. I can imagine the stress you are under! However as others have said schools and nurseries do not always pick up on issues . This family may already be known to SS , however if you have concerns ring them anonymously. So many cases of child neglect/ cruelty go under the radar.

Beautful Wed 20-Jul-22 14:03:28

I agree with others on here ... not all may I add ... sensible to keep notes & report them ... you are thinking of the children's well being ... even if not physical can be mentally abused through constant shouting ... also no one need know it was you ... if you do don't even tell any of the neighbours you have reported them , other others may well report them aswell