Am I being over sensitive to feel no more important than a kitchen appliance

I have noticed that men are far more likely to find a new partner after bereavement or divorce. I don't think it's personal just that they feel the need for companionship and care whereas women don't seem to so much

Overthinking what was just a casual conversation will do you no good. Most people would anticipate feeling lonely after their partner dies. That doesn't mean that they are immediately going to rush out to look for a replacement. In any case, you wouldn't be around to witness what he might do, so why worry about it?

Two loving couples who live near me were good friends. One of the wives became ill, then died, and her husband was supported by the friends. Then the husband of the other couple also died, and she was helped and supported by the male friend. Eventually the two survivors married each other, which was a happy ending to a sad time, and was welcomed by both families.

Another female friend grieved very much when her DH died, saying that she would never find another like him, nor wanted to. 2 years later she married one of their friends from the local Social club.

No-one knows how they will feel, when bereaved. My DH died 6 years ago. I grieved for him, but also found a certain pleasure in living alone and pleasing myself, after many years of coping with his ill-health. I still wear my rings, and am perfectly happy to remain single. I doubt that my DH would have coped well on his own, though, and would possibly have re-married........if he could have found anyone willing to take him on!

You only have to look at online dating today to see how easily partners are replaced. A close friend of mine died from cancer, her surviving husband (vicar), was engaged and married to another woman and he hadn't even scattered her ashes. Not what everyone would do, but quite a few people cannot bear to be alone, or sometimes more in the case of men, need a housekeeper/cook/chauffeur/gardener/surrogate parent/grandparent.

My husband and I used to discuss what would happen if one of us died. He jokingly said he would go in a monastery until I said he would miss sex.
He died thirty five years ago and I have never been in relationship since and have never wanted to in spite of offers. I think of my husband every day and still wear my wedding ring.

I shall stop trying to be literary; the quote was from Lord Byron and I mostly got it wrong.

Men seem to view life - and love - in a far less emotional way than women, it seems to me. I think it was Disraeli who said - paraphrasing a bit here! - 'Love, to a man, is a thing apart; 'tis a woman's whole existence'. This is a sweeping statement, but does it reflect general attitudes - does anyone agree? My cousin and his wife were married for many years , and when she died fairly suddenly he was on the phone to me complaining that he relied on her, and he didn't know how to work the washing machine. Perhaps he was trying to hide his deeply felt emotions - but it didn't sound like it!

I wouldn't mind my husband moving on in the event of my demise but I wouldn't want a penny of my children's inheritance to go to anyone but them.

My Mum died in her 50s. My Dad was obsessed with her when she was alive. He had moved to Cornwall to live with another women within the year. Women grieve, men replace.

vince cable's wife olympia rebelo died, and he continued to wear the wedding ring she gave him.
when he later married rachel smith he added her ring to the same finger.
he continues to wear two wedding rings, as he has been married twice.

I'm 100% sure that men are wired up differently to women when it comes to emotions! Their nature seems to be more self serving and self preservationist. I've know numerous guys who've lost wives/partners over the years and most think nought of taking up with another female sometimes very very quickly after their loss! It's not a rule but majority do. You will feel upset because I think women invest so much more of themselves in any relationship, I don't know why , probably genetic (in cave man days style) for us to be invested in a partner who'll protect and provide for our offspring? Whatever reasons are behind it, I feel men arent as deeply injured by loss as women are.

I wear my Dad’s wedding ring. In October will be 25 years since he died. The passing years have not made me miss him less. Whether a person wears a ring or not is their way of coping with bereavement

I think its a husband thing of talking out loud without there being any depth in what he was saying whereas you are giving it a bit of thought. However, I eould say to both of you, you really have no idea how it will be until you are this side. My husband had a terminal illness and we discussed many things before he died. We didn't discuss my future because I didnt want to ever feel restricted by his wishes whatever they may have been.

My MIL still wears her wedding ring despite her husband dying some 30 years ago or more... She never remarried.

I don't know what I would do if DH died.

Death is a reality. People cope somehow in different ways. A few die of a broken heart, literally. Some are prepared, some are not - as was my poor mum.

In Victorian times women had to have at least 12 months grieving wearing clothing of various colours as the time passed. Men? Only had to grieve for 3 months.

As a woman wearing a wedding ring can keep predatory (or needy) males at bay.

My husband died fourteen years ago. He was a good man although, of course, none of us is without fault. We were used to each other's ways. We certainly irritated each other from time to time. He could be a bit needy and I'm rather independent. We met at university and were married for more than thirty years. We went through a lot of life's ups and downs together: house buying, house moves, children, work, family bereavement, health issues and so on. I've never considered another relationship for various reasons. They are my own personal reasons and I mean no offence to anyone who thinks differently.

*I don't think I'd be able to recapture the trust that starts young and builds up over a long marriage.
*I'm perfectly capable of living without a man.
*I don't need to be looked after or to look after anyone else on a daily basis in order to feel important. (Of course I would look after my adult children and grandchildren if there was a need and friends if they had no one else.)
*I enjoy giving and receiving hugs but I like it that hugs don't lead to any expectations that I'm not interested in catering for. i.e. to be specific, life without another's expectation of sex is fine for me... and probably always has been!
*I like the personal freedom of being single i.e. never having to explain where I'm going, why I'm going, who I'm meeting and when I'll be back.

Disclaimer: That's me. Any, all or none of my reasons might, or might not, resonate with anyone else.

I think men are wired differently than women. Most men, even in their 60s, replace their deceased wives pretty quickly but I don’t think women do. Women are stronger and can survive on their own. I was relieved that my husband passed before me because I think he would have struggled with loneliness if I had passed before him.

I am sure my husband would replace me sharpish , he can and does enjoy cooking . But washing up / cleaning down the kitchen - no . Likewise use the washing machine / Hoover and dust , change the sheets hahaha .

@hamster58
I'm with you on this topic.
I lost a close friend and her husband removed his wedding ring after 6 months. I felt he was being disrespectful to her memory, he just said he couldn't keep it on forever.
Discussing it with my brother, he pointed out that, it would be bad enough waking up everyday with no wife beside you, you would also have the constant reminder on your finger. You can't replace a person, a memory or your experiences, I doubt anyone would want to do any of them.

Hamster58, remember he did say he didn't know what he would do without you which means a lot. More than my DH ever said to me. Although when he was in hospital he told a nurse that his wife "does everything", which to me was a sort of compliment! And I still wear my wedding ring, I can't get it off, and it would involve someone else cutting it off, which is an altogether different scenario. [smile}

I think men and women see things differently.
I’m fairly sure if I go first my husband will move on and find someone else.
He likes the company and chatting etc.
I very very much doubt I would find anyone else.As I’ve got older I’m much less trusting!

Sago

Overthinking is dangerous.

Well, you are very lucky if you can stop your mind from doing it Sago.
I think most women overthink things just as our mothers did before us. We have not yet moved into our DD's mindsets where all are equal and at times do exactly as they please just as a man would.

Poor man was just speculating. We none of us know exactly how we would cope in that situation.

My other half exited some time ago to obtain a more up to date appliance and I haven’t been lonely, just peaceful.

For me it was a case of once bitten twice shy, not that anyone has asked me.

Three things hit me, when I read this post.

1) TV dramas do not reflect real live as everybody lives their life, quite obviously so, as we are all different. However it seems to be a trend in American series and perhaps in real life there too, to advise the bereaved to move on quickly. To me silly advice, as some people heal quicker than others and this applies to bereavement as well as wounds or illnesses.

2) As a wife, I have no personal experience, but going on what I have seen in my adult life, men do tend to feel the need of a new partner or spouse slightly sooner than women do. This is a generalisation, I admit. I have met many men who remained widowers for the rest of their lives after loosing their wives, irrespective of whether the marriage had been mainly happy or unhappy. And I have known women who "replaced" a divorced or deceased husband with startling rapidity too.

3) Women flocking to help the probably soon to be widowed man: it works the other way round too, you know.

My husband tends to remain at home, not due fortunately to any serious illness, but certainly more than I would like. Lately, I have noticed several men of about my own age of seventy, displaying an interest in me, and trying to find out whether I am on my own. So far none have accepted my invitations to drop in for coffee anytime and meet my husband.

This I take to be a pretty good hint, that they hoped there was no husband in the equation.

I am fortunate as my late husband told me he wouldn't look for anyone else. He was 44 when we met. He had never married or had children because his dad had gone blind when he was 20. He stayed at home to help his parents by his choice. He wasn’t one who needed anyone. I know I was the only one to him.

He was and is my soul mate, best friend and the dad he didn't have to be to my/our 4. The ex is a waste of space BTW. That's another story.

Me! I won't get married again or have a companion as they call it. I'm not lonely. I have enriched fulfilling life. Anyone who has been silly enough to suggest otherwise has been told firmly no. When they have said "you never know" they have been put in their place in no uncertain terms.

Like another poster on this thread I have been widowed 4 and a half years. I still wear my wedding ring. Infact I also wear my husband wedding ring under mine. There it will stay.

My husband is still very much part of our lives in a spiritual way. I know I am blessed with my youngsters and grandchildren. I am also surrounded by fellowship and close friends. Some are married and some divorced.

Do I get lonely? Yes for my husband physical presence at times. Do I still grieve? Yes! Not like the early days, though in certain situations it can be harder than the time he passed. I have learnt love and grief become grudging companions on the journey of life. No one can or will replace my remarkable husband.

That's my late husband and I relationship. Everyone is different. Regarding the OP. I get why you feel and think like that. I am also extremely sensitive.

I can see why others would think your being OTT however I get why your thinking that. Most men don't see it like we do.

The worst case I ever had was a dear friend of mine uses dating sites from time to time. We have had some right laughs at the type of men she has had met. This one though takes the biscuit.

My friend met this man who said he was a widower. She thought he had been a widow sometime as you would.

On their first date the florist rung him. By the end of the call she was in shock and bemused thinking she must have misheard.

He had been discussing his late wife flowers who had only died the week before. He was also talking about when they got married they would use the same florist and he wanted my friend to go to the funeral.

My friend got the hell out of their as soon as she had collected herself. The guy was bat sh*t.

Only one thing to say on this subject, men and women see love and marriage and commitment totally differently.