Stepson aggressive towards me

Smileless2012

Well in the meantime avalon step up to the mark and do something about it yourself. Tell this entitled son of your partner that you will not tolerate it and as I suggested in my first response, that if he doesn't desist you'll be taking legal advice with or without his father's approval.

Frankly, I would not bother saying the above either to the son or to the father.

Just take legal advice now, both regarding this young man's harrassment if it is that, and more importantly how you will be placed if your partner dies, and how you both will be placed if he has to go in to care, or if you do.

Why do you and your partner not marry? Inheritance is not the issue, you say, but a wife still has more rights than what we Scots call a bidey-in lover.

Did your DP put the property solely in his sons name, or is DP on the deeds? If DP is on the deeds, he could start charging rent - bet that would upset his son!
He could also put something in place so that the property goes to the grandchildren, so his son can't just sell it.
I think your DP should have words with his son & sons partner (I wonder if she knows what he's doing) and tell him/them he chose you as his partner and if he/they don't like it they can cut ties as there isn't any inheritance left to give now!!
DP needs to tell his son that you pay a lot into your relationship and that you do not sponge off him, unlike someone else!

I may sound a bit harsh with my opinion too. I tend to say it ‘how it is’ it’s something I would say to someone I know. I hope avalon123 you sort your situation out at this time of life know one needs extra worries.

I have just re-read my earlier post where I said "sort yourselves out" - it now sounds a bit rude. What I really meant was for you and your partner to resolve your situation for the future so that the son doesn't do all he deciding and isn't seen as the only person with a voice.

Maybe a civil partnership is a good idea and simple.
It doesn't have the same overtones as a marriage but does give you protections.

Wishing you well. Sorry if I sounded harsh. This wasn't my intention.

You and your partner need to have a long well overdue conversation. Your future needs to be secure and finances need to be in place for your partners care.
The stepson should see your partner when you are not there if at all. Why would you put yourself in such a position being bullied by a stepson who has too much to say about how you live?

Why on earth did your partner deliberately deprive himself of his asset (house). Won't this have implications if he needs rest home care?

Or a civil partnership
Or get a solicitor to draw up a legal document

Had a friend who has a similar problem. Couple had lived together for decades, they resolved it by getting married no fuss wedding only few friends aware.
Then sorted out a joint Will.
Really hope you sort this, lots of good advise on here.

I think there would be a claim on the property if he needed to go into care within 7 years of selling his house and using the money to buy one for his son.

I am wondering why you are not married?
Sorry to be brutal but your partner gets all the advantages whilst offering you only temporary accommodation as a live-in carer. Selling his property and buying his son a house with the proceeds sounds decidedly fishy; should he need to go into care I believe there would be a claim on the property he bought for his son.
Meanwhile, you have absolutely no security at all, and a hostile relative abusing you, (I cannot see why) but about which your partner does nothing.
I think you are in a dangerous situation and you need to protect yourself.

As you are renting would you be able to afford the rent + bills if you partner dies? Also his son is his next of kin and could make decisions which would directly impact on you financially and emotionally. Your best protection is marriage. If that is not an option you need legal protection e.g. Power of attorney etc.

Like Carenza123 I'm also worried for you in the future.

What is the plan for your home and estate if/when one of you dies?
Do you both have a will?
Who will "speak" for your partner if he cannot speak for himself? Currently this seems to be his son.
Please have a conversation with your partner about how to sort out the practical things in your lives then at least you are both secure.

I think your partner won't want to cut his son off.
Maybe now is the time to have a conversation with your partner about your lives together. Put the son to one side for now.
Sort yourselves out.

I would be worried about your future, as stepson would think he has a claim on your partner’s estate. Unfortunately unmarried partners don’t have a leg to stand on, if anything happens to your DP. You need advice moving forward and you do not deserve this harassment.

I’d refuse to drive DP to see him if I were you. If stepson wants to see his father then he can come to your house whilst you aren’t there or a nearby coffee shop or something where you can drop DP off and collect him later.
Stepson sounds thoroughly obnoxious and abusive.

Hithere

Does your partner his stepson treat you like this?
If so, why does he allow it?

So many issues in just one post

I am not sure all the fault relies on the stepson.

Your partner has health issues and only a few thousand pounds left.
How is he planning to support himself for the rest of his life?
Dont tell me you are the plan (free caregiver and bank account)

The house is the inheritance- does stepson acknowledge this?
When your partner passes away, the stepson seems to be the type to create drama

Why did your partner buy him a house?

You are not married - when your partner dies, unless there is a financial agreement or anything legal setup, you are on your own

Are you planning for your retirement and health issues?
What would happen if you cannot take care of your partner anymore?
What if you need care?
How long could you pay the rent?

Summary-
While your partner still has mental faculty, run to a lawyer and make sure you are taken care of if you get hurt while caring for him, passes away, etc.

The stepson here is the least of your issues.

100%

Your DP needs to speak to his son and sort this out.

I'd bow out, he sounds like an idiot, to put it politely. Wash your hands of it all!

Your partner is the key here, not the stepson

I hope he does tell his son to stop the abuse soon.

DP admits that his son is being abusive, but he finds it very hard to stand up to him. DP visits the son every other weekend as they live some miles away but I don't visit at all although I have to drive DP there because he is unable to drive owing to his illness. "Stepson" sent DP a particularly nasty email about me last week (which he knew I would read) so mostly, his hostility is oblique and not actually directed to me personally probably because he knows this would be evidence. DP is very stressed by the whole situation and doesn't really know how to handle it. DP is now saying he will tell son he will stop going to see him if the abuse doesn't stop and he should apologise if he wants to see DP again.

Avalon

Where does your partner stands on this abuse?

Smileless2012

Well in the meantime avalon step up to the mark and do something about it yourself. Tell this entitled son of your partner that you will not tolerate it and as I suggested in my first response, that if he doesn't desist you'll be taking legal advice with or without his father's approval.

Thanks Smileless. You are quite right and I will do just that. It does constitute harassment as you say.

Well in the meantime avalon step up to the mark and do something about it yourself. Tell this entitled son of your partner that you will not tolerate it and as I suggested in my first response, that if he doesn't desist you'll be taking legal advice with or without his father's approval.

Soozikinzi

Just a side issue that I would have thought your DP would be entitled to attendance allowance and maybe carers allowance as time goes on ? Not that Im an expert on such matters .

Thanks for the advice. He does get Attendance Allowance but I can't get carer's allowance because the Government won't pay it to partners' carers who are retired and on a state pension (unbelievable but true). We are not actually too badly off compared to some because we have two full state pensions and he has a (small) private pension plus the Attendance Allowance which is not means tested. We do not, however, qualify for Council Tax rebate, Housing Benefit or any other state benefits. What will happen when the COL crisis actually takes effect who knows. In the meantime, I am trying to get more WFH work as DP can't be left for long periods at a time because of his condition which would help towards the COL crisis at least.

Just a side issue that I would have thought your DP would be entitled to attendance allowance and maybe carers allowance as time goes on ? Not that Im an expert on such matters .

Thanks all for the replies. I am sorry Diamond Lily has had a similar problem, but was relieved to see I am not the only one! I agree that by allowing this behaviour DP could be seen as disrespecting me which is one of the main reasons I am so upset but he says he will do something about stepping up to the mark and doing something about it. We will see.

I'm also lumbered with the stepson from hell...after 18 years of bouncing estrangements, and threats and demands (over money), we have finally solved it.

Texts are ignored, and if he phones, we just hang up. He is now shouting at his own toe nails, because we are not listening or responding.

It has upset DH, but there is no other way. He is not accusing me of freeloading, as he knows I'm financially independent - he just wants money.?

Some of these ACs have an astonishing level of self entitlement.

Your, and your partner's, finances are nothing to do with your stepson.

The stepson has been taken care off by his father - he's just greedy.

You,nand your partner, need to sort out a joint strategy to deal with him.

I certainly wouldn't be proving anything or pandering to him.

Good luck.?