Stepson aggressive towards me

No you are absolutely not being unreasonable avalon.

This is harassment and my advice is put in writing to your stepson that if he doesn't desist, you will be taking legal advice.

An unpaid caring job which you are doing is not sponging. You should tell your stepson this. He would have to look after hi father or pay someone if you weren't there.
Don't put up with this situation.

Ok... I have read your thread and I am so sorry you are having all this...

I ask myself WHY is this taking place, do you think the stepson has regrets at not being able to look after his dad and its manifested into hurtful words to you who IS looking after his dad ?

How can he say your sponging off his dad when a property as been purchased for him !

It seems to me that jealousy is lurking about ....

Aggression and hostility are unacceptable. This young man sounds unpleasant and selfish. What is your partner’s role in protecting and defending you. Is there a possible inheritance issue

Thanks for the replies. There is no inheritance issue per se because the bulk of the estate has already been paid out in the form of the property. Partner only has a few thousand left. Stepson has a partner and three young children which is why partner gave him the house. It has been pointed out to him that I am his unpaid carer/housekeeper/driver etc. Partner knows this but stepson refuses to take this on board.
I am sick of the abuse however which has been going on for a number of years and want to put a stop to it. Thank you so much for all your kind comments.

Of course you want the abuse to stop. Can you minimise or just stop contact between you and stepson. Manage his visits to dad by agreed dates and times, with you out the house.

Does your partner his stepson treat you like this?
If so, why does he allow it?

So many issues in just one post

I am not sure all the fault relies on the stepson.

Your partner has health issues and only a few thousand pounds left.
How is he planning to support himself for the rest of his life?
Dont tell me you are the plan (free caregiver and bank account)

The house is the inheritance- does stepson acknowledge this?
When your partner passes away, the stepson seems to be the type to create drama

Why did your partner buy him a house?

You are not married - when your partner dies, unless there is a financial agreement or anything legal setup, you are on your own

Are you planning for your retirement and health issues?
What would happen if you cannot take care of your partner anymore?
What if you need care?
How long could you pay the rent?

Summary-
While your partner still has mental faculty, run to a lawyer and make sure you are taken care of if you get hurt while caring for him, passes away, etc.

The stepson here is the least of your issues.

He would have a 2 word response from me. One of those is off

You could look into getting Attendance Allowance for your partner, might help with the financial situation. I would suggest that your partner speaks to his son and insists that he either treat you with respect or keep away. It sounds like your partner's son could be jealous of your relationship and is demonstrating in the only way he knows how. He must stop as it's patently unfair and abusive.

Your partner should not be allowing this to happen. What is HE doing about it?

Assuming he steps up and insists his son respects you and you really want your relationship to continue then you need the protection of marriage.

If he won't control his son then your partner is guilty of disrespecting you and in that case I suggest you are being used and should think carefully about whether you are getting treated fairly and consider moving out.

OP

He is not your stepson if you are not married.

Good advice Hithere.

I'm also lumbered with the stepson from hell...after 18 years of bouncing estrangements, and threats and demands (over money), we have finally solved it.

Texts are ignored, and if he phones, we just hang up. He is now shouting at his own toe nails, because we are not listening or responding.

It has upset DH, but there is no other way. He is not accusing me of freeloading, as he knows I'm financially independent - he just wants money.?

Some of these ACs have an astonishing level of self entitlement.

Your, and your partner's, finances are nothing to do with your stepson.

The stepson has been taken care off by his father - he's just greedy.

You,nand your partner, need to sort out a joint strategy to deal with him.

I certainly wouldn't be proving anything or pandering to him.

Good luck.?

Thanks all for the replies. I am sorry Diamond Lily has had a similar problem, but was relieved to see I am not the only one! I agree that by allowing this behaviour DP could be seen as disrespecting me which is one of the main reasons I am so upset but he says he will do something about stepping up to the mark and doing something about it. We will see.

Just a side issue that I would have thought your DP would be entitled to attendance allowance and maybe carers allowance as time goes on ? Not that Im an expert on such matters .

Soozikinzi

Just a side issue that I would have thought your DP would be entitled to attendance allowance and maybe carers allowance as time goes on ? Not that Im an expert on such matters .

Thanks for the advice. He does get Attendance Allowance but I can't get carer's allowance because the Government won't pay it to partners' carers who are retired and on a state pension (unbelievable but true). We are not actually too badly off compared to some because we have two full state pensions and he has a (small) private pension plus the Attendance Allowance which is not means tested. We do not, however, qualify for Council Tax rebate, Housing Benefit or any other state benefits. What will happen when the COL crisis actually takes effect who knows. In the meantime, I am trying to get more WFH work as DP can't be left for long periods at a time because of his condition which would help towards the COL crisis at least.

Well in the meantime avalon step up to the mark and do something about it yourself. Tell this entitled son of your partner that you will not tolerate it and as I suggested in my first response, that if he doesn't desist you'll be taking legal advice with or without his father's approval.

Smileless2012

Well in the meantime avalon step up to the mark and do something about it yourself. Tell this entitled son of your partner that you will not tolerate it and as I suggested in my first response, that if he doesn't desist you'll be taking legal advice with or without his father's approval.

Thanks Smileless. You are quite right and I will do just that. It does constitute harassment as you say.

Avalon

Where does your partner stands on this abuse?

DP admits that his son is being abusive, but he finds it very hard to stand up to him. DP visits the son every other weekend as they live some miles away but I don't visit at all although I have to drive DP there because he is unable to drive owing to his illness. "Stepson" sent DP a particularly nasty email about me last week (which he knew I would read) so mostly, his hostility is oblique and not actually directed to me personally probably because he knows this would be evidence. DP is very stressed by the whole situation and doesn't really know how to handle it. DP is now saying he will tell son he will stop going to see him if the abuse doesn't stop and he should apologise if he wants to see DP again.

Your partner is the key here, not the stepson

I hope he does tell his son to stop the abuse soon.

Your DP needs to speak to his son and sort this out.

I'd bow out, he sounds like an idiot, to put it politely. Wash your hands of it all!

Hithere

Does your partner his stepson treat you like this?
If so, why does he allow it?

So many issues in just one post

I am not sure all the fault relies on the stepson.

Your partner has health issues and only a few thousand pounds left.
How is he planning to support himself for the rest of his life?
Dont tell me you are the plan (free caregiver and bank account)

The house is the inheritance- does stepson acknowledge this?
When your partner passes away, the stepson seems to be the type to create drama

Why did your partner buy him a house?

You are not married - when your partner dies, unless there is a financial agreement or anything legal setup, you are on your own

Are you planning for your retirement and health issues?
What would happen if you cannot take care of your partner anymore?
What if you need care?
How long could you pay the rent?

Summary-
While your partner still has mental faculty, run to a lawyer and make sure you are taken care of if you get hurt while caring for him, passes away, etc.

The stepson here is the least of your issues.

100%

I’d refuse to drive DP to see him if I were you. If stepson wants to see his father then he can come to your house whilst you aren’t there or a nearby coffee shop or something where you can drop DP off and collect him later.
Stepson sounds thoroughly obnoxious and abusive.