Increased irritability!

I certainly wouldn't fancy a fortnight with them but I wouldn't end the friendship. Just keep it light touch for lunch or coffees? It's nice to have a change of company . We only ever go away for a week and we've been married 40 years ! At home you can give people space . If they keep droning on too much suggest a film or a nice walk so you've got some interest outside of the droning ! If one is going on and on too much ask the other one a clear question to change the subject towards your interests .Good luck with that !

Are they friends though? Do they ever talk about anything other than themselves? Do they really care about you and what is right for you? Maybe you can cut down contact with them a bit. Do what is right for you....

I find friends who have been lonely at home for days do tend to chat about themselves initially on meeting . If you see them more often all that quietens down.
Friends are so important to share outings a show whatever and it’s true, loneliness and isolation and even is a slow killer I get it that you want space at the moment but guessing it’s temporary. There’s a balance
Kindness goes a long way thats just my opinion

You've SO cheered me up !! I'm with you , fed up of moaners with frankly nowt to moan about!
I'm a loner arty farty type too , we must keep up the grumpiness it's a dying craft ya know..........??

Just be honest and say pleasantly that the visit doesn't appeal. Then do what you want. Either accept your friends don't suit you or be polite and accept we are all different and have different priorities, likes and dislikes, and restrictions and see them when you want to, not when you don't. Don't be false.

I feel you are a bit judgmental, rather than grumpy. I'm very much an introvert and appreciate people can intrude on our much needed personal space. I don't resent other people's needs and preferences though.

I fully understand the OP feeling irritable at the "small stuff". Although I am a creature of routine and habit I often get sick of it and ask myself "do I really want to waste my time doing this?"

Sometimes I get up, go into the bathroom for a shower, and then think "what the hell" and go back to bed again. I find that more and more Im saying to myself in good old Liverpudlian fashion

"Sod that for a game of soldiers"

and leaving whatever it is to another time. This is particularly true when it involves accommodating another person.

Why do your friends think you'd enjoy the two weeks golfing etc? No one does that unless they are a golfer surely. Just tell your friends you'd rather give golf a miss and go visit Cape Cod and Marthas Vineyard. I've been to both, definitely worth a visit.

We are all different - live and let live. If you are irritated so much by such things stop having anything to do with them. Not at all good for your health to get so irritated so easily.

When people respond harshly here it is probably because what someone writes hits them in one of their own tender spots where they feel vulnerable..
As we get older we have less energy and time than when we were younger. I think it is OK to question even long term friendships which don't make you happy.
You might be lonely with fewer friends but on the other hand it can feel lonely to be with people with whom you share very little in common or who are interested only in themselves. What makes us feel less lonely are soul mates, whatever our souls may be.

Oh, a depleted immune system, you say?
I can waffle on about mine for hours!

???

Well, you’ve made me laugh, anyway - thank you for that!

Some of my relationships have been affected as arthritis has affected my mobility Tand caused me to develop ‘Chronic pain syndrome’. This has been accompanied by various other ailments, like cellulitis & pneumonia, which go with a depleted immune system. I HATE being the invalid talking about her own problems at a social event, but people are either kind or polite, and ask me questions about my health, which I feel it would be rude not to answer.

One of my oldest friends has moved to a ‘retirement flat, and when I stayed with her, she’d organised a few outings - we went to see a film, went out for a meal with her daughter, a service at her new church, and so/on. I could have said I didn’t want to go to any of it because I was a bit tired, but I didn’t!

I wouldn't dream of trying to educate another grown up. (Not that I know enough to consider myself any kind of teacher)

I'd just hide.

LRavenscroft

As I grow older, I find myself getting more and more irritable with the non-important stuff life presents. I always was a bit of an arty loner who enjoys my own projects, life style, and ways of doing things. Now I am retired I am becoming increasingly irritated by 2 friends who just don't stop sweating the small stuff. They are very kind to me and always bother but I find their company excrutiatingly monotonous as all they talk about are themselves, their families and, of late, one, about the amazing retirement village she has moved to. The thought of having to spend 2 weeks riding around in a golf buggy, eating barbecues and playing golf drives me nuts. We have had an invite. I would much rather be visiting Martha's Vineyard or the fishing towns along Cape Cod. I've run out of excuses. Help!

Most people tend to be boring and talk about small uninteresting things. I think friends can get stuck in talking about a narrow set of things. How about introducing new topics and encouraging a bigger and better level of communication? Stop giving excuses and just say you have other plans. But when you are with them talk art or politics or women's rights etc and see if you can't drag them into something more interesting....maybe agree on a charitable task together? Refuse to talk about your health as it you aren't going to inflict it upon them....re-educate them by example

Biglouis your travels sound very interesting.
You don't think you could set up a thread about the places you've visited, do you? I'd have so many questions!

As you say the organisation (to less exotic places) is quite enough fo me nowadays.

Don’t make excuses be yourself Martha’s Vineyard looks fabulous. Ask your friends if they would like to join you on a trip there. They will probably decline because it sounds like they are stuck in their own rigid routine. Let them know what a lovely time you have there. Don’t fall out with friends because one day you might need them.

I would not want two solid weeks of anyones company - not even relatives! And a weekend staying with someone - or having them stay with me - was plenty. I began travelling alone in my late 20s when a friend let me down. Eventually I had the courage to travel all over the middle east alone to countries that it is difficult to visit now - Syria, Iran and Afghanistan.

I would not do that now (even if I was mobile enough) as it tales so much organization and nerve.

We've had many a thread on here about friends that talk "at you", rather than to you, so you're not alone in feeling fed up with it.

I just want them to say how are you really?

If you dont feel they are listening to you, or showing any proper regard for you, then they arnt really friends, are they?
Friends are interested in your life, that's what makes them friends!
Dealing with this (possibly new?) understanding of your relationship, is making you grumpy.

I would hold them at arms length, treat them as acquaintances, and not expect too much.
Look elsewhere for friendship.
Marthas Vineyard might be a place to start.

This thread is in AIBU
I thought that it was the correct form to be as honest as possible in reply to threads in this forum.

I think that I have been the harshest critic of OP, and I’m not exactly Craig Revel Horwood.

For the record, you can’t get much more introverted and loner-ish than me!

LRavenscroft

eazybee

You are recognising that the problem is your own grumpiness, but they are being kind so don't diss it. Personally, I would far rather visit Martha's Vineyard and Cape Cod than a retirement village but there are worse things; you could live there!

Thank you so much for your kind comment eazybee. I think you have put your finger on the problem. I do recognise my own grumpiness and put it down to burnout which I experienced after a ten year long period of extreme demands on my life which I could not avoid as I was a duty bound and responsible adult trying to hold my family together. That situation has now passed and I just long for peace and recovery. Perhaps the best thing to do would be just to dial down the contact a little and make a little space for myself as these 2 friends never ask after me and how I am feeling. I just want them to say; 'How are you really? What are you doing?' but I can never get a word in edgeways as they always turn the conversation back on themselves.

Sounds like you've found the solution! Not being dismissive of their kindliness, but just keeping it a bit low key. When you're feeling a bit better, you may find them better company!
I too have experienced 'social burnout' but am through it now, and glad of some company.
The thing about old friends is that you go through the ups and downs together. I see no harm in giving them a sanitised version of what you've just said.

I am very fond of my friends but would never go away with them for a two week holiday! We would drive each other mad! I find a couple of hours with other people is enough. You carry on being yourself.

I think some of you are being a bit harsh on the OP. She has admitted to being "grumpy" and is obviously a personality who does not "suffer fools gladly". There is nothing wrong with being a loner and enjoying your own company. However the danger is that rather than seeing your friends in "small doses" which you can manage you will scare them off all together.

It might be better to explain to her friends that while she appreciated their offer of a two week holiday, it was not going to work for her. Perhaps instead just a long weekend ...

My grandmother got like this when she was older. She had a saying which went "welcome the coming, speed the parting guest". This imposed a strict "two hour" rule for visitors. It applied equally to friends and family. "Come for afternoon tea between two and four" meant exactly that. She had a clock which chimed the hour and when it struck four oclock she would get up and say:-

"Goodness, four oclock. Time for my nap. Thank you for your visit. My granddaughter will fetch your coat/show you out."

That was the cue for me to depart also. Her home, her rules.

My grandmother has a very clear view of the world and her position in it. By her 70s she felt she had contributed her share to the community and was therefore entitled to do as she wished, within the law.

I share the same view which seems to me a very sensible one.

It's really lovely to have friends .
I doubt that you'd enjoy being alone .

I think that your friends just aren't in tune with you .

I see where you are coming from .

My elder daughter is creative .
It's actually how she earns her living -teaching and running a studio - so really full time .

I've seen her at family occasions - just go off and begin a new project , because frankly people are driving her mad .

I also love art /making things/reading and writing - and very few of my friends feel the same .

I'm grateful for their friendship , but sometimes I find them a bit boring .

No doubt they feel the same way about me .

I'm designing a new garden for one of them .
When asked I often give garden advice -which they all love .

However , just recently one of them has driven me to distraction :

I've had about four years of her illnesses .
She won't go on public transport nor take taxis .
She takes a lateral flow test daily .
Talking about covid is her complete obsession .

We went to the cinema in the early summer and have been out for tea .

Now for about five months she never wants to do anything except talk about illnesses .

I've visited with plants , flowers and chocolates as she's said that she's seriously ill and on the way found her in the high street laughing and joking .

Being a matyr to her family is another obsession - it's endless lists of the things that she has to do for them .

I guess that we aren't on the same wavelength and maybe going out was just to please me .

At times , I find her snappy and irritable .
If I'm honest - poor company .

I know that she doesn't have any other friends .

I think that I'll just rejoin my art groups .

Wishing you luck in finding the right friends .

I didn’t think I had been harsh dogsmother. If you read the thread there’s a mixture of opinions, as you might expect.

Hey don’t be harsh on LRavenscroft. Sometimes introverted people need timeout to recharge batteries. Too much chatty company can be tiring and as much as we all need people not everyone likes too much involvement with the concerns of others.