Increased irritability!

It's a good start that you can recognise your own grumpiness.
Maybe don't spend much time with those people who you find annoying. Make your own way; go where you want to go.
I'd love to go to Cape Cod etc, rather than the retirement village. I 'm like you, a bit of a loner.
I do, however, have an American pen pal who lives in one and it always sounds marvellous to me. Not that I would want to live in one.
Good wishes.

I think a “time out” away from it all to give yourself a chance to rest and recover will do you a power of good. I have a relative like your friends who I love dearly but she wears me out.

Listen up, you've every right to spend your time as you see fit. Are you just happy in your own company, doing your own thing but liking the occasional bit of company. The trouble is it's hard to get this on your own terms as you have to give a bit in order to maintain the relationships. Could it be you feel you've outgrown these relationships. Could it be they aren't worth working to keep going. Try forcing yourself into these one sided conversations and see what happens, do they listen or wait for a gap in the conversation to move back to talking about themselves.
I always feel I cope well alone but when I get too much alone time, I get bored so I need friends and female ones at that.

Why not try suggesting alternative excursions and holidays? Surely you don't have to leave ALL the planning to them. Also, why not pitch in with conversation topics rather than sitting back and saying nowt?

eazybee

You are recognising that the problem is your own grumpiness, but they are being kind so don't diss it. Personally, I would far rather visit Martha's Vineyard and Cape Cod than a retirement village but there are worse things; you could live there!

Thank you so much for your kind comment eazybee. I think you have put your finger on the problem. I do recognise my own grumpiness and put it down to burnout which I experienced after a ten year long period of extreme demands on my life which I could not avoid as I was a duty bound and responsible adult trying to hold my family together. That situation has now passed and I just long for peace and recovery. Perhaps the best thing to do would be just to dial down the contact a little and make a little space for myself as these 2 friends never ask after me and how I am feeling. I just want them to say; 'How are you really? What are you doing?' but I can never get a word in edgeways as they always turn the conversation back on themselves.

I’d just book your Cape Cod tour/holiday and thank the retirement village friend but say that’s your holiday entitlement used up for now - you’re otherwise tied up with other things.

Or you could be (kindly) honest, and say that much as you appreciate the invitation, you don’t think it’s really your sort of thing. She might be offended, but I’d have thought she’d get over it - if she’s a proper friend.

These are 'friends'? Well, if so, you should tell them directly that you no longer want them in your life. I fear you will be the looser but........hey ho.

You are recognising that the problem is your own grumpiness, but they are being kind so don't diss it. Personally, I would far rather visit Martha's Vineyard and Cape Cod than a retirement village but there are worse things; you could live there!

Be careful what you wish for - later life can be very lonely.

Each to their own L. Ravenscroft. You seem rather self important, if your 'friends' are kind to you and love their families - what's not to like? You have an invitation, either accept graciously or take a trip to Martha's Vineyard!! you may be more comfortable with just yourself for company!

I do think that you are being unreasonable.
I don’t think that you like your ‘kind’ but ‘excruciating monotonous’ friends, and you sound a bit spoilt.
I’d love to live in the sort of retirement village you describe in 15 or so years time.
You’d never be without company and looked after.
Just tell your ‘friend’ the truth and maybe they won’t waste their time asking you again.