Grandaughter's wedding (not invited)

It is their wedding. They have decided on a small, intimate celebration and you need to respect and understand that. It certainly isn't something to start falling out about.

Reply saying you wish them both a wonderful day and that you look forward to celebrating with them at a later time.

as wildswan says, simple.

I find that thoughtless, even if they invited both sets of Grandparents it would still be a small wedding.
I would just text them back and wish them well.

I can understand his hurt. I am sure that DGD has no idea how much this might hurt, so it is unlikely to be deliberate, unless there is difficult history.

I am sorry to hear this - I guess she simply does not understand how much this might mean to your OH. Also, there might be difficulties with the groom's grandparents and they cannot invite one lot without the other.

But there is nothing you can do - maybe just send congratulations and say you will be sorry to miss the wedding but will look forward to the celebration at a later date.

I know it is hard to feel a bit side-lined as we get older.

Fleurpepper

as wildswan says, simple.

Not Simple the Grandfather is hurt, people have feelings.

I'd be hurt too, especially as it was sent as a text, not even a phone call.

No need to worry about clothes, travel, a present then so you could treat yourselves to a lovely trip away somewhere instead, Tilly95.
?

You could send a card to be read out at the reception.
"Thinking of you today and always and sending all our best wishes" etc etc

rafichagran

Fleurpepper

as wildswan says, simple.

Not Simple the Grandfather is hurt, people have feelings.

Oh yes, I'd be hurt too. but it is THEIR wedding.

People use the ‘It’s their wedding’ for lots of scenarios now. Especially child free weddings. We are all free to express an opinion & if I were in this situation I would feel beyond hurt.

rafichagran 12.03 (cant get the quote button to work)
Thank you for posting, exactly my thoughts

Why do other peoples feelings count for so little nowadays?

OP husbands son has died, for goodness sake.
Then a text!

Families can be a minefield Tilly95 I would feel hurt and be upset too.

But if there is no changing the situation, best to find a way to lessen the hurt feelings, especially for your husband.

Book something really nice to do on that day.

If and when you do contact gd. I would just say Best Wishes and thank you for the information.
But do it by text.

But it IS their wedding. I have attended a wedding where children weren’t allowed. My son was still being breast fed so we had to race back from the church, feed him and rush back to the reception. When I was small an aunt was married, with no children invited. This was in the 1950s and fairly unusual, so my parents had to find babysitters. Try and look forward to the celebration later.

I think I would feel hurt too at not being invited, but at the end of the day, it is their wedding and up to them who they invite. They perhaps could have done it better than just sending a text though. These things can be an absolute minefield.

The granddaughter could have 4 grandparents as could the groom, which is an extra 8 people, and then you would get aunts and uncles who are close to their niece or nephew feeling put out that grandparents had been invited.

The line has to be drawn somewhere if they want a small wedding.

I wonder if she sent a text because she knew the message would hurt you both? I can see both sides. If you have a close relationship with her and her fiancé then obviously it's very hurtful to be excluded from their wedding. However there are maybe difficulties you don't know about and keeping it small might help alleviate them. I would be inclined to congratulate them and say you are looking forward to the party afterwards. Maybe ask if it's going to be filmed as you'd love to see it. I'm sorry as I would be hurt too.

It is THEIR wedding! Their choice!

I think it depends on the relationship you've had with your GD/The bride .If you've been close I can see why you would be hurt ,but if you haven't seen her or kept in touch its a different story .
Send her your love and let her know you'll be thinking about her on her big day and would appreciate a photo as a reminder.
Might just be too hard to see you when her Dad cant be there ,

I'd be hurt as well.
I would hope the line would be drawn sensitively regarding who is invited.

Ladyleftfieldlover

But it IS their wedding. I have attended a wedding where children weren’t allowed. My son was still being breast fed so we had to race back from the church, feed him and rush back to the reception. When I was small an aunt was married, with no children invited. This was in the 1950s and fairly unusual, so my parents had to find babysitters. Try and look forward to the celebration later.

The ops situatuon is quite different.

Ladyleftfieldlover

But it IS their wedding. I have attended a wedding where children weren’t allowed. My son was still being breast fed so we had to race back from the church, feed him and rush back to the reception. When I was small an aunt was married, with no children invited. This was in the 1950s and fairly unusual, so my parents had to find babysitters. Try and look forward to the celebration later.

I can understand a no children rule.

But not inviting grandparents, the parents of your deceased father?
That is unkind.

I’d be really hurt if not invited to my grandaughter’s wedding as we are close.
Any chance to have a word on his behalf?

My son's wedding was a very small affair, as the chapel where he was married only held 20 people. He was adamant he wanted his grandparents to be there - his wife was equally adamant she didn't want hers there. And that's how it went on the day.

It's very hurtful to feel as if you're slowly being erased from peoples lives after the death of an adult child.

Of course, I'm sure it's not deliberate or malicious, but it happens, and it's hurtful, to say the least.

Compare and contrast with the thread about the cost of being a wedding guest.
I think they could have been a bit kinder - but probably don't see the problem in sending a text rather than any other communication.
It's not clear how well you know them - it just may be that 'inviting grandparents' triggers invites for other family members that they can't cope with. It would be nice to think you could stand there instead of your son, but that is obviously not how they see it.
So often on gransnet we say 'smile and accept it' because doing anything else risks relationships. I think you will be thought very well of if you say 'of course we understand' and praise the couple for keeping to a small, affordable wedding.

You mention your husband’s son dying. Does that mean you are a step-grandmother? If so how many grandparents and step grandparents are there? If they are trying to keep costs down it may just be that including grandparents suddenly makes the whole thing a lot more expensive because there are 8 (rather than say 4).