DDoD- DD on diet, phone, hobby horse(es)

OxfordGran

thank you for replies and humour - yes I blame the parents is ironic, wondering, where did I go wrong with this one? thanks for letting me off that hook! but apparently it is my fault for spoiling her (the last child) sigh.
The diet is self imposed I know not why, there does not seem to be rhyme nor reason, it isn’t as though I do not cook properly and offer junk food ??
The link between new, well educated, politically verbose new man I have not met but heard quoted every few seconds has to be relevant.
Mentionitis as Bridget Jones would say.
Intense, yes, gave me a headache.
It’s the self righteousness which I found tedious.

She has emailed saying she had a lovely week with me thank you.

Is it only me who realises the day is dark and reaches for the wine bottle only to see on the kitchen clock that it is not yet 4.30 and settles for a pot of Earl Grey.

At least you’ve seen the funny side OxfordGran Don’t hold back, I will join you. 🍷😃

The other query was - why, when this fully adult male knows that his girlfriend will be visiting her mother for 5 days, does
he constantly text, instagram, constantly? not that he is entirely to blame, as yesterday she was down the garden speaking to him on the phone for 25 mins, on matters which one would believe could wait until this evening?
They do not live together, my daughter is independent, or at least I always thought she was.
Perhaps it is me with old fashioned sensibilities not au fait with modern manners, nevertheless, I found this intrusive, as though he was elbowing his way in.
I am pondering, is he jealous, possessive, unsure, insecure - is this a mum thing.
The constant picking up of the phone to check it was really tiresome. I kept my counsel.
I’m feeling dumbfounded - the ricocheting mood swings, from scathing to sentimental, the ‘walking on eggshells’ -
enervating.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend in Oxford who will have a few pithy remarks on this subject ; we swap daughter stories,
then we will go off to Browns and forget all about ghastly daughters we have lovingly raised.

Thank you all, for your welcome replies as this was hard to verbalise.

*The other query was - why, when this fully adult male knows that his girlfriend will be visiting her mother for 5 days, does
he constantly text, instagram, constantly? not that he is entirely to blame, as yesterday she was down the garden speaking to him on the phone for 25 mins, on matters which one would believe could wait until this evening*

Sorry but I think it’s you with the unreasonable expectations why shouldn’t she be talking to him on the phone down the garden just because shes home for a week doesn’t mean she can’t be talking to her partner as much as she wants to
I think you need to lighten up a bit we re passed Victorian times where she would sit and talk to you whilst doing her embroidery 😂😂😂😂 she’s a modern lass of 33 with her own life and own way of doing things…. that doesn’t mean she can be rude to you but surely she can talk as much as she likes to friends or partners on her phone if she wants

I think the two of you are in entirely different eras with different expectations you ve got till February to catch up with the world 🤣 good luck on that one

Was the vegan diet also the result of having a vegan boyfriend, or are these restrictive diets and the criticism of you that goes with them the result of deeper problems.

They sound severe and oppressive and I wonder whether either she has mental health problems, or there is something in her past, that you are unaware of, that has deeply affected her and leads to this type of controlling behaviour.

Regarding the young couple being in constant touch..... It's just possible that they are madly in love

Sarah74

crazyH

DDoD ?

Darling daughter on diet?

Yes ! was not meant to be code or abstruse, well done Watson.
I’m always pleased with myself when I ‘get’ an acronym and
cross when I miss one which is really easy.

Poppyred

OxfordGran

thank you for replies and humour - yes I blame the parents is ironic, wondering, where did I go wrong with this one? thanks for letting me off that hook! but apparently it is my fault for spoiling her (the last child) sigh.
The diet is self imposed I know not why, there does not seem to be rhyme nor reason, it isn’t as though I do not cook properly and offer junk food ??
The link between new, well educated, politically verbose new man I have not met but heard quoted every few seconds has to be relevant.
Mentionitis as Bridget Jones would say.
Intense, yes, gave me a headache.
It’s the self righteousness which I found tedious.

She has emailed saying she had a lovely week with me thank you.

Is it only me who realises the day is dark and reaches for the wine bottle only to see on the kitchen clock that it is not yet 4.30 and settles for a pot of Earl Grey.

At least you’ve seen the funny side OxfordGran Don’t hold back, I will join you. 🍷😃

Thank you Poppyred, I do wish you could, a bottle shared is a bottle halved, lol.

Hello. First timer here. I was wondering if anyone has heard of prism glasses? Thanks.

kathleenjd

Hello. First timer here. I was wondering if anyone has heard of prism glasses? Thanks.

You would get more response starting on a different thread, it might get overlooked on this one.

Try the ‘Ask A Gran’ one maybe?

P.S. I haven’t heard of prism glasses, sorry.

‘A mother’s place is in the wrong’ is a quote I often think of.

Just try to forget all that went wrong and think of her pleasant e.mail.
One of my DD's would sit for hours upstairs on a visit to us talking to now husband. Perhaps they were using language she knew you would tut at.
As for the food ask her next time what you can get in and stick to it. Don't go out of your way to make it buy from the supermarket.
We have a vegetarian relation and know when we go out they take ages to put their order in, the little waitress has to go and ask the chef things like "Is the gravy made with meat juices? When they are ordering veggie lasagne or what is used as a setting agent? When the food is clearly marked for vegetarians
This year we decided to be bad-mannered and when they started their usual procrastination we all jumped in with what we would have they had to shut up and wait until the end. When it came to the pudding it was odd they knew exactly what they wanted and jumped in first.

Do her sisters have a take on her behaviour?

Maybe she’s just tired of being independent and is hopeful that at 33y her new man might suggest a permanent relationship - hence the phone calls & phone checking. It’s new, it’s exciting and has possibilities. She will be anxious right now, hoping it’s a good fit.

I wish her all the best and I can almost guarantee that once she’s happier it will spill over into other aspects of her life and you will notice a huge difference in her dealings with you.

"Is the gravy made with meat juices? When they are ordering veggie lasagne or what is used as a setting agent? When the food is clearly marked for vegetarians"

As a vegetarian myself, I ask too

So many restaurants use chicken stock and mark it as vegetarian
Gelatin is also an ingredient that could be used and considered vegetarian because it contains no physical meat

Only when I see vegan dishes, I dont feel the need to ask

I think your daughter might just be in a modern relationship where the constant contact is a given, OxfordGran. I did chuckle at the mentionitis!

I am reminded of my sister who is a bit of a chameleon when it comes to boyfriends. We all rolled about laughing when one of them turned her into a champagne Charlie for breakfast and she was suddenly busy applying to the police force as a job as he was a detective. It was in the days of height restrictions and she was 5' nothing which was somewhat smaller than the minimum requirement. So far we have been subjected to a variety of religions, a variety of awkward diets, various causes and campaigns all linked to the latest squeeze. It wouldn't be so bad if they were lovely men but she never seems to find a kind, down to earth, ordinary person to emulate.
Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and shrug with children, have a good laugh about things with your friends and just accept them as they are.

Sarah74

crazyH

DDoD ?

Darling daughter on diet?

Dear, dear, oh dear…. .

I'd love to know how a vegetarian can have a low carb diet, as vegetables consist mainly of carbs.

Grownstuff

Ask google

Try not to take it personally

She may have some mental health issues centred around her weight

I was anorexic, to deliberately make your diet so restrictive is a classic sign.
It was my parents fault.

It's a real credit to you that she sent that email - I have no doubt it was absolutely genuine. As I read through the posts and you additional information,

I was asking the same questions - is this a controlling man, love bombing while she is at mums, she dependant on his every call....and wanting her for himself not sharing her with you.... has he affected the diet, is she trying to please him by being thin...

(but then, she's been fussy before)

..are there eating disorder /MH issues, she doesn't seem happy in herself...

it is very childish to expect Mum to accept the diet with no advance warning and then grumble and it feels like she is "taking something out on you" there, some substantial unhappiness

......but OTOH I do get a sense of you both currently living in very different worlds as regards "Expectations"of each other. and I'm not implying any wrong or right in that, just a mismatch.

As regards the future, definitely ask her in advance what her diet is. I wouldn't necessarily cook for her, just stock up. This will take out what was one of the two presenting issues - food.

The other presenting issue was how much time she spent on phone with bloke, ie you had expectations of more time with her, you being much more significant for her than she was, give how she jumped when bloke said "jump".

I am not implying any judgement here, btw, just an observation of different expectations. How to deal with this? I'd suggest discussing with her before she comes 2 or 3 things during the week just for you and her, what would she like?

Its hard, itsnt it? I'm trying to second guess my DS and DiL quite a bit, often getting it wrong:

all I have realised is that given their circs atm, (genuinely difficult, v disabled DGD etc, 4 kids)

I have to go with what she wants, and hope for some "Feel good contact" moments"

Because......xxxxx things never stay the same, and you never know....and if she IS having real MH or man problems, if you over- criticise her now she might not come to you for help..

but definitely lay down the "let me know your diet" thing next time.

Hithere

Grownstuff

Ask google

Google doesn't have any answers. Vegetables consist mainly of carbs and nothing Google says can change that.

Very good, Witzend. 🤣

Growstuff, a low carb diet (or no carb) refers to things like potatoes, pasta, rice and starchy veg. Think Atkins, Keto, etc. You get to eat green leafy veg and the like.

I think I know what a low carb diet is, thank you, icanhandthemback. I've been eating one for about 20 years. I aim to eat no more than 30-50g of carbs a day, which is a fraction of what most people eat. Vegetables are all full of carbs - with a few exceptions that's what they're made of. It's extremely difficult to get enough calories from just eating leafy veg.

It was a genuine question because I've toyed with the idea of becoming veggie, but my need for a proper low carb diet (not just low starchy carb) is more important. I've done hours of research and I've never found a solution which would suit me. One would have to eat mountains (literally) of green veg to maintain body weight.

then we will go off to Browns and forget all about ghastly daughters we have lovingly raised

They're not ghastly

They're individuals, strong young women with their own minds.

I'm not so sure about the new boyfriend though. 🤔
Of course, he might just be in love and missing her.