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Neglected At Party

(92 Posts)
AiryFlyingFairy Sun 04-Dec-22 17:09:22

Attended friend's birthday party on Friday night. The party started at 7pm and we got there at 8.15. This was as I'd been abroad & back home that afternoon so it was a big rush to get there.
I had messaged friend to tell her we were running late but would get there ASAP
Anyway myself and Hubby arrived there to find all the food had finished. Also no seats.
A few other guests arrived even later so they didn't have seats/food either.
The venue wasn't large so she should have noticed must guests left without tables.
To add insult to injury, the 'Lucky Guests' were seated at tables with drinks, chocolates/ sweets. We didn't get any.
She is a friend of 20+ years & I'm disappointed she didn't look after us better.
Just writing this to get it out of my system/moan really.
She's just messaged me to saying Thanks for coming. Hope you enjoyed it.
Not sure how to respond.
Please tell me your neglected at party experiences!

MissAdventure Sun 04-Dec-22 20:42:22

Not food related, but friends of mine went to what they had been told was a fancy dress party.

She went as a baby doll, wearing a nappy and dummy, and he was a punk.

They travelled 40 miles to London like that, only to find it was just them in fancy dress grin

BaBaBoom Sun 04-Dec-22 20:44:37

kittylester at 19.37 That wasn't very nice was it? Gransnet is for everyone to chat about anything at all that's bothering us, not just monumental earth shattering events. It would be a sad old world if we were only allowed to post about depressing global events don't you think?

MawtheMerrier Sun 04-Dec-22 21:07:09

Nor was that.
If you are worried, stressed or ill, or have health worries either for yourself or members of your family can be hard to do more than raise an eyebrow at some “problems”
Bear in mind you do not the circumstances of anybody posting on a thread.

Callistemon21 Sun 04-Dec-22 21:08:31

You could send a thank you to your friend and say:
"Sorry we had to leave early but we had to get to the chippie before it shut"

Yammy Sun 04-Dec-22 21:13:14

My Ex sister in law used to do this to us on purpose. Arrived at given time to find all the food eaten and all the seats taken. I vowed when it happened repeatedly I would not show I was bothered and sat on the floor DH lounge against a wall.
Eventually, we refused invitations and behind my back, I was accused of being standoffish.

Grammaretto Sun 04-Dec-22 21:30:41

If I'd been you AnyFlyingFairy I think I'd have joined up with the other latecomers and have gone for a pizza or fish supper and never mind the disappointment.

On leaving art school and my lovely flat mates in Norwich we agreed to all meet up at our local pub the following year. I hitchhiked from London in foul weather but when I arrived very late at the pub everyone had left. The barman said they'd waited a long time. Ofcourse no mobile phones back then. I must have found somewhere to sleep but never found my "pals" .

kittylester Sun 04-Dec-22 21:38:09

bababoom, who mentioned global events?

Grammaretto Sun 04-Dec-22 21:42:00

Sorry to be a bore but I've remembered another embarrassing occasion. We were invited to a golden wedding tea party. We turned up on the Sunday afternoon and were puzzled to see the house looking quiet with no cars outside.
We rang the bell and their DD appeared and looked surprised to see us since the party had been the day before.blush

Her lovely parents told us to come in anyway and to help them eat the leftover cakes and we had a great laugh and chat with them!

MissAdventure Sun 04-Dec-22 22:06:43

All of this reminds me of Abigail's Party.
Ever and ever and ever and ever you'll beee the one....

SuzieHi Sun 04-Dec-22 22:29:24

Sounds like poor hosting to me!
Maybe respond saying “it was great to see you enjoying your party”

Sielha Sun 04-Dec-22 23:31:57

Give her a break, who’s the judge of how big people’s problems are?

nanna8 Sun 04-Dec-22 23:40:08

Latecomers are latecomers and she probably didn’t cater for them. She mustn’t have had enough food to go round which was poor planning and I doubt she meant to offend you. It was her party and she was probably stressed enough without coping with people who are not there at the time. I think it was nice of her to send a note afterwards, not many would.

MissAdventure Sun 04-Dec-22 23:57:28

She may ask you if there was enough food.
Perhaps she realised things were a bit sparse and hoped everyone would eat sparingly.

biglouis Mon 05-Dec-22 00:02:53

In these circumstances I would have asked if there was any more food/drink/seats. They could have sent someone to the supermarket or convenience store for more supplies. The squeaky gate gets the oil.

notgran Mon 05-Dec-22 07:53:42

AiryFlyingFairy put it down to experience and a Lesson Learned. In future always take a couple of bottles to a party and even plastic glasses. Also take some snacky food such as French Fancies, crisps etc that you can take back if not used. I have had similar experiences at parties over the years and so always go prepared!

Gingster Mon 05-Dec-22 08:05:36

Ravenscroft - your story remind me if a wedding we went to in the north. A long journey for us, two nights in a hotel, pricey gift, new outfits.

Old country house reception (we just went for the evening) , sparse food , pricey drinks, and so so cold. (December)After a couple of hours we tried getting a taxi back to the hotel. No luck as it was out in the wilds. We had to wait til midnight for the wedding bus .
We eventually arrived back and found we’d been locked out.
Stood around in the freezing cold for half an hour before someone let us in. ( concierge was asleep) !
Why in earth did we accept the invite! 😂😂😂

Poppyred Mon 05-Dec-22 08:24:29


You could send a thank you to your friend and say:
"Sorry we had to leave early but we had to get to the chippie before it shut"

That would have been my reply too!

Cabbie21 Mon 05-Dec-22 09:09:23

The story brought back an embarrassing memory from many years ago when we gave a party, if you can call it that, to thank the friends who had helped us renovate a house. We were so poor that I had to put the food out in the exact number of portions, hoping nobody would take two! No guests brought any contributions either. Happy days.

Dickens Mon 05-Dec-22 09:15:36


How old are you, OP? Do you read any of the threads where people have real problems?

As the OP said - she's just having a "moan". Which people do from time to time with the minor irritations of life.

I don't see how that detracts from people posting about their "real" problems.

nadateturbe Mon 05-Dec-22 09:24:04


I can understand your feelings but I don’t think there’s anything you can do except let it go. Just send a reply thanking them for the invite.

I agree with this.
Kittylester that wasn't nice.

nadateturbe Mon 05-Dec-22 09:29:09

Then I’m afraid being so rude as to turn up half way through the evening -even with a reason- you can’t complain that you were “neglected”.

They weren't rude MawtheMerrier. In fact they made a great effort to get there.

Hetty58 Mon 05-Dec-22 09:43:41

Whoever was in charge of hosting did a poor job, putting all the food etc. out at once and failing to provide enough chairs and look after guests. I wouldn't blame the birthday girl, though, as she probably delegated a lot of the organising.

Perhaps more people turned up than expected? We had that once with a kiddies party (they brought along a hoard of starving siblings, friends and parents) so we had to order a stack of pizzas - and I cut all the little cakes in half!

LisaP Mon 05-Dec-22 12:01:57


How old are you, OP? Do you read any of the threads where people have real problems?

Thats a little mean

ParlorGames Mon 05-Dec-22 12:03:35

Personally, I wouldn't respond. The fact that there was no food left when you arrived is bad planning and even if the host was busy with family/friends when you arrived it simply doesn't excuse anything. If this was at a venue an caterers were employed to provide food they should not have put all the food out in one go, that just asks for the greedy buggers who don't bother to have dinner before attending a catered event and think is it ok to scoff to their hearts content and disregard anyone else.
You say you've been a friend for over 20 years and I think you are entitled to feel put out.
Put the experience behind you now, you can't change anything, just learn from the experience.

ElaineRI55 Mon 05-Dec-22 12:10:05

It's quite possible the birthday girl didn't organise the event or some sort of mistake was made with numbers. If she was oblivious to the problem, don't spoil her memory of the party by mentioning the issue. She must be a good friend for you to have made that special effort to get there. Just write it off as one of life's odd blips and plan to meet up soon in a mutually suitable venue for lunch or whatever.