Christmas present from Son

I don't think I've ever had a Christmas present from any of my children. When I turned 70 a few years ago, I had a lovely hamper from my DD who lives abroad. A text from the DS.

I’ve always had lovely presents and cards from my son over the years: really thoughtful things. But now he’s married and has children I don’t even get a card. I understand that his family come first, and that is how it should be but to not get a card hurts.

I never get anything from my son! It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

CraftyGranny

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I am not usually like this to be honest. You are all correct, it just isn't worth it. The daft thing is I always say you shouldn't give to receive.
My sister and I will share the gin with each other anyway, we always do.
I love my boys to bits and to be fair, if asked what I would like, I usually say I don't really need anything but if you must, surprise me.
Thanks again.

I think your son knows you'll share it anyway, which is probably why he gave you the same.

Enjoy it. Don't over think it.

I know my Mother will find something wrong with anything I buy her. I know I cannot win. I ended up leaving the label (without the price) so she would know where I shopped-because she would run me down to whoever, saying I'd got it cheap. Or she will say "they think I'm old" if someone bought her something thoughtful like a heat pad. It's sad, but she has never been very good at accepting and enjoying gifts, even as a young person.

I'm sure you're not like that and I hope you have a lovely Christmas and enjoy your gin with your sister.

yes, that's sounds a sensible thing to do.

Men don’t care about cards, presents or occasions so don’t take it personally. They think these things don’t matter or are the preserve of their womenfolk which is why they end up living in the gutter if they have a couple of mishaps in their life. As I say, don’t take it to heart, instead, buy yourself a stonking present as compensation for living in a world dominated by idiots.

I have my lovely eldest son cash for a pair of shoes he wanted and found half price and bought ? Best way with shoes that they try on ) and then he gave it back to me for a half price jumper I wanted and ordered on his behalf - we were both very happy with that and much better than giving a gift we don’t want .

its a male thing: in general they just don’t do these things well
The men you know might not be but most of those I know are nothing like you assume.

Year, not teat although she is breastfeeding

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I've two sisters that never went near my parents for years, they never knew why and it hurt them badly until they died. At least your son went and bought you both a present, the thought was there. Have a lovely Christmas and go and pour yourself a glass of that wine 🎅🍷

the modern western xmas as a capitalist manipulation; discuss.
v effective it's been, in urging useless consumption.

I have 3 adult sons and 1 daughter. The sons aren't good with presents and the like.

Mine only started improving when they got married/into relationships when the women deal with the presents

It's a male thing: in general they just don't do these things well

it just seems a waste of time and money to me.
and wrapping paper. the whole thing.
people do it because they feel they have to, not to give offence, or be thought mean.
really gift-giving is proper for children only.
that is as recipients. and not too many.
why should adults expect presents.

I wouldn’t have been the tiniest bit bothered. It’s just really nice that your sister gets a good present too and you get first dibs after all. I remember my son aged about 10 wasting time on Christmas Day adding up what had been spent on him versus his sister. He grew out of it and is the most generous person as an adult. I am just glad to be remembered and loved.

I think it's lovely that knows you're close to your sister and that he loves you both..

He's a bloke! How many men buy thoughtful individual gifts every Christmas (rhetorical!) It's what you make of it that counts, CG. This is what the Stoic Epictetus said thousands of years ago. "Another person will not hurt you without your cooperation. You are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be." I think that's still true.

I am on fairly good terms with my son, but I never receive a birthday gift or Christmas present from him.
He has always been like that.

My daughter on the other hand finds it disrespectful and thinks he should be more caring.
Daughter wants him to phone at least on Christmas Day.

We will see.

Well yes, that’s unimaginative, but I think I should have been born a man. My mind goes blank re presents and I do think many women make far too much fuss over Christmas.
I like to be told what people would like. You can have a nice time without going over the top and spending too much.

I remember one Christmas going into a local chemist on Xmas Eve (when chemists often had a great variety of lovely things)
and buying all my presents in one go.
Yep, a really male thing to do.

Lol….🤣🤣🤣 my son hasn’t bought me a birthday or Christmas gift in years. Be grateful for what you’ve got.

Across many situations, it seems that individual differences ( and possibly gender differences) account for a large part of potential misunderstandings and hurt. We all tend to view the actions and words of others as though the motivations and emotions behind them are identical to what ours would be had we acted or spoken that way. In many situations, that is miles off the truth.
There is literature around the five ( sometimes seven) languages of love, describing how physical contact may be one person's main way of expressing love and their partner's may be gifts or words of affirmation. Initially aimed mainly at couples in a romantic relationship, it has relevance for other relationships as well.
Definitely celebrate the fact you do have a relationship with your son, even if his expression of it differs from the ways ( and emphases you might give to each)in which you might express your love for him.
It's not just a gender issue, but I know that can definitely be part of it.

Your son gives you and your sister both the same present each year, not very carefully wrapped or with a special message to you. You are wondering what this says. You are asking yourself whether you mean the same to him as his aunt. That is not really possible whether you get on well or badly. A mother will always be unique. But you say you get on well. I tend to think it is a man present and does not have these meanings for him. It is not a symbol of his love or lack of love. He probably feels he has cracked the present schlep and is doing well by you both. You could complain and he might up his game. Last year my husband gave me all my presents, which I had ordered myself, in the wrappings they had come in through the post. This year he has asked me at the last minute if I have any Christmas paper he can wrap them in. But I have no doubt he loves me. Your husband was similar and it sounds as if he loved you. You must miss him. It sounds to me as if your son loves you and you have a loving family in general. You are lucky to have two other sons who are better than many men in this field. I wonder if their wives maybe help them. I was speaking with my friends and we were all saying the burden of Xmas falls on women. But also that we take it on ourselves when men don't really care about it all as much as we do. I wish you all a very merry Christmas.

Just be happy that he remembers to give you a present. Monetary value vis a vis your sister should not come into it.;

missdeke

I don't expect presents from any of my four. If I get something from any of them I really appreciate it but as far as I'm concerned there is no need for presents at all.

I'm same I'm only in fleeting touch with my darling eldest now and he's got me and DH a present I've been told, even though I've told him we don't need anything! I bunged some money in his bank for him but his other arf is off on her regular "ghosting " me for absolutely no reason(!?) Since June this year so she's not getting the time of day! He just shrugs when I ask him what I've supposed to have done? Mumbled about me it ignoring her texts!!!! When I showed evidence that opposite was true he just said he didn't want to be piggy in middle!!! Weak, anything for quiet life and infuriating but I adore him! But pressies? Wish we could sack the whole stupid habit and I'd rather give bit more to sally army!

I have three sons and good relationships with all of them. But they are all very different. Two visit one just visits once twice a year and lives down the road. Workload heavy. But I just accept it he had a heart problem this tear and seems to be a little more responsive with me a his dad. So 🤞he’s realising we won’t be here forever.