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Christmas present from Son

(70 Posts)
CraftyGranny Wed 21-Dec-22 20:34:03

I am at a loss for words to be honest.

I have just received a carrier bag from my niece with two bottle gift bags that my son left with her last week when he was passing (he lives down south). There are no names on the presents so I text him to ask who they were for. Apparently the presents are for me and my sister. The same present for each of us but "I can choose which one I prefer".
Now, I would never judge a present by the value by any means but I feel rather hurt that he ranks me on par with his Auntie. This has happened now for the last three or four years,
There has never been any problems with my son and me, we get on really well, but I am beginning to feel really hurt.

Can I ask how you would feel under the same circumstances.

sodapop Wed 21-Dec-22 20:40:19

Your son thought about you both at Christmas, don't spoil your good relationship with him by feeling resentful CraftyGranny. Have a lovely Christmas and enjoy your wine.

Kate54 Wed 21-Dec-22 20:41:06

Definitely hurt if it happened out of the blue but not if it had always been the pattern of ‘giving’. Did something happen three or four years ago? And if he was ‘passing’ your niece’s home, could he not have dropped off the gift to you in person?
So many different family dynamics on GN…. I just hope you have other family members to support you over Christmas.

mumofmadboys Wed 21-Dec-22 20:48:06

I can understand you feeling hurt. However your son must feel you are loving and accepting and he doesn't have to pander to you. Just accept it as a loving gift and don't dwell on it. The important thing is that you have a good relationship. That's what counts.

welbeck Wed 21-Dec-22 20:48:54

on the whole, women make more fuss about presents, cards etc than men, most of whom probably wouldn't bother if left to their own devices.
just be glad he got you something.
or you can make yourself miserable by feeling hard done by.
pointless. life's too short.

CraftyGranny Wed 21-Dec-22 20:55:13

I have three Son's, the other two live close by.
we are all quite close, but the Son in question can be rather thoughtless, completely different to his brothers. Nothing has happened, well nothing that I am aware of. Even my sister has said that she would be really hurt if her daughters had done the same.
Maybe the hassle of Christmas shopping is not a priority for him. He is very busy and has a stressful job. I just don't know what his reasoning is.

Hithere Wed 21-Dec-22 20:56:52

Please don't make it a competition.
You son thought of you, that's what counts

Yammy Wed 21-Dec-22 20:59:24

I would feel hurt especially as he did not differentiate between you and his aunt.
Join the queue I've just spotted my presents from DH wrapped in my wrapping paper I bought, no ribbon or string with a gift tag that is a child's Rudolph he obviously found in his archives of tat.His mothers choice of wrapping was a black bin bag!

CraftyGranny Wed 21-Dec-22 21:05:03

Actually Welbeck you have probably hit the nail on the head. My husband, who died in 2015, would not bother at all if left to his own devices.
Whereas I love giving gifts. So for the sake of argument lets just say my son must take after his Dad and the other two after me. hmm

Thank you for your comments. It helps

CraftyGranny Wed 21-Dec-22 21:07:41


Please don't make it a competition.
You son thought of you, that's what counts

That would never happen. My sister and I are very close. We are a close family.

paddyann54 Wed 21-Dec-22 21:15:01

I always tell mine dont buy me presents ,spend what you have on your own wee family.If I want or need something I buy it myself.
I see mine on a regular basis and speak to them daily or more...thats whats important, not presents .
Your son is wise not to add to the pile of stuff to be recycled .I'm sure you know he loves you but many men in particular haven't a clue about buying for older female relatives and a lot would think a bottle of wine would be appreciated .I certainly wouldn't be hurt or annoyed by what he bought you so dont cause a problem where none exists

Deedaa Wed 21-Dec-22 21:24:38

My husband always saw presents as something inconvenient that he would get my daughter to buy for him if possible. He wasn't bothered about receiving any either. It just doesn't seem to be on some men's radar. I wouldn't make a thing of it and spoil your relationship.

Theexwife Wed 21-Dec-22 21:35:04

Maybe it is that he doesn’t think much when buying presents, doesn’t really think about who he is buying for just that he is in a shop and thinks to himself that he has to get two gifts and bought two things that were next to him.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel a lot for you but it means he is rubbish when it comes to gifts.

Fleurpepper Wed 21-Dec-22 21:51:50

Not important- the main thing is that you get on well.

annsixty Wed 21-Dec-22 22:00:56

My H was similar so is my S.
I just accept it.
My H would say go out and buy yourself something.
We wrre married for over 60 years.
It did hurt but I couldn't change him.
My S is the same.
Just enjoy the bottle you choose.
At least you are not estranged. A good thing.

Hetty58 Wed 21-Dec-22 22:10:10

CraftyGranny, we don't do any presents for adults - but, if we did, I certainly wouldn't have any expectations - or rankings/comparisons with what other people receive. You say that you don't judge a present by it's value - but you are judging! A present is just a little token, surely?

dragonfly46 Wed 21-Dec-22 22:17:13

It is how your DS is the rest of the year that counts. Presents are unimportant, attitudes are what counts.

CraftyGranny Wed 21-Dec-22 22:30:24

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I am not usually like this to be honest. You are all correct, it just isn't worth it. The daft thing is I always say you shouldn't give to receive.
My sister and I will share the gin with each other anyway, we always do.
I love my boys to bits and to be fair, if asked what I would like, I usually say I don't really need anything but if you must, surprise me.
Thanks again.

Yammy Wed 21-Dec-22 23:02:26

I think a lot of men are the same and a as a lot of posters say aren't bothered what they get themselves. It's a woman thing ,we like to choose rack our brains for something different ,spend hours wrapping it up and it is all just torn off.
I have laughed until I cried at the Christmas card I have been given by DH tonight,if he had given me it 42 years ago I would have been ecstatic. I usually get a funny one that I do't see the joke. Todays was such a shock I really couldn't stop laughing.
I can remember the worst ever a great big fat angel sitting on all the Shepherds. The punch line being "The Angel of the Lord came down",
Underneath they do care and although it does hurt us it shouldn't.

welbeck Thu 22-Dec-22 00:05:01

i do think some women seem a little obsessed about presents.
not you, OP. i'm just thinking around the subject.
i can remember vague acquaintances, women, who would buy and elaborately wrap some strange ornament and present it to me as a present.
i didn't want it. i didn't want anything from them.
i wondered why they did it.
maybe they just liked doing it, and i'd wandered into their sights.
i certainly did not reciprocate.
each to their own i suppose.
but no vague acquaintance man ever did that, to me, nor to anyone i've heard of, male or female.

V3ra Thu 22-Dec-22 00:54:39

I feel rather hurt that he ranks me on par with his Auntie

Maybe it's the other way round, and he ranks his Auntie on a par with you?

You've got a sister you're very close to, and now a couple of bottles to share and socialise over for some time to come. And you did get first choice!
Sounds perfect to me 🙂

(I'd be more than happy with a bottle of gin!).

Withoutroots Thu 22-Dec-22 02:06:49

I think it’s understandable that you feel the way you do, and I would very likely feel the same. Could you tell your son very casually that each time it’s “whichever for whomever” instead of “this one right here is for you, mom”, you feel sort of..deflated? That’s how I would describe it, like the air in your cheer balloon has been let out. It’s so impersonal the way he’s doing it, as if the thought doesn’t count.

Starrynight49 Thu 22-Dec-22 05:12:54

.y son would be the same ! He loves me dearly, but he has no clue about gift giving. I'd suggest just accepting the gift and enjoying the wine . He thought of you, that's all that matters.

NotSpaghetti Thu 22-Dec-22 08:28:17

Some people are just not good shoppers and don't really feel so excited about gifts.

One of my sons is a bit like this. I don't honestly think your bottle situation would bother me as I'd assume he'd just bought everyone a bottle in one trip in a rush.

This is like my son who went out after work on Christmas Eve one year (aged about 25) and bought everyone in the family expensive gifts of either jewellery or fragrance!
He'd been in 2 shops. In one he had them all wrapped!

Doesn't actually mean anything. He loves you.

NotSpaghetti Thu 22-Dec-22 08:36:53

BTW. It doesn't mean the son doesn't notice things and doesn't care - my "Christmas eve shopper" son recently noticed a sibling was struggling with something and generously sorted it out at considerable cost to himself (and as a surprise).

I, on the other hand have spent maybe 8 hours researching and deciding on his Christmas gift. He will never know as he'd think it was ridiculous.