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AIBU

AIBU to think this friendship has run its course?

(32 Posts)
JaneR185 Sat 24-Dec-22 11:04:59

Dh and I have been friendly with an old colleague of mine for over 30 years. We have had regular short breaks in various European countries and met up regularly for shows, concerts and dinners out. We live a distance from each other so visits to each other's houses have been infrequent. Pre Covid we had flights booked for Rome but when the airline cancelled she opted to defer our trip rather than take the refund, which was fine. She asked me for dates once it was deemed safe to fly and I gave her several. I said we could be flexible around those dates and she said she could make all of them. We hardened down to June dates. She intimated that she needed to book by a cut off date, some two months in the future. Heard nothing and I text her a few times but had no replies. I guessed she had missed the cut off date when it had passed without any response. I said in a text not to worry if she'd missed it, perhaps we could meet up in England for an overnight stay and a show. No response. Anyway months passed, my birthday missed then two days ago an expensive Christmas gift arrived and flowers. I text my thanks. She then called to ask if she had missed my birthday. I was cool. No apology or explanation from her just inconsequential chat. I asked what had happened but she deflected. She mentioned she'd been on holiday with a relative spanning two of the dates I'd provided! I feel hurt and puzzled. I had told her dh had some health issues and we might need to park him in a bar while we did the sights. Should I just drop her?

VioletSky Mon 26-Dec-22 15:42:30

To be fair, I'm known for giving people too many chances in life

But after a 30 year friendship, this seems a bit of a drastic change

OnwardandUpward Mon 26-Dec-22 17:05:04

True, but she had moved away. She only told me she was having relationship problems with her partner after she'd left the area. She knew my mother did the same to me, so it made it worse. I feel her lack of communication was the problem, but didnt feel I could hold her to ransom over it seeing it wasnt personal (she'd been falling out with friends and distancing since before covid)

She had gotten involved with the JW's as well, which I don't think was helping. I think they wanted her to cut ties with "outsiders". I was the friend that stood with her the longest, but it meant nothing to her in the end.

Caleo Tue 27-Dec-22 14:56:37

Violet Sky wrote:

"To be fair, I'm known for giving people too many chances in life"

That is what Christians and post-Christians are urged to do. See St Paul in Corinthians I (I think). However nobody is JC and we all need to protect our own interests to some extent.

I do sympathise with JaneR's being dissatisfied with "inconsequential chat" ! My guess is the friend has come under the influence of some new people and actually I doubt if that new influence will do her any good and may be harmful for her.

Grammaretto Tue 27-Dec-22 16:45:33

Just think of her at Christmas but forget joint holidays. It sounds too one sided.

I lost practically all my new friends when I moved house. It was only 12 miles away and people promised to visit but barely anyone did. I didn't go back to be fair

I had to make new friends PDQ.
I still have a few old friends from way back but no-one to go on holiday with or even to the theatre or a restaurant with now that I'm a widow.

You have to work at friendships and I am too lazy.

Forsythia Tue 27-Dec-22 17:04:15

Maybe she didn’t like being in a group of three with you and your DH? Perhaps lockdown allowed her to exit gracefully but she didn’t want to break all contact.

Bridgeit Tue 27-Dec-22 17:25:33

‘Should I Just drop her ‘ not a very pleasant comment.
However it is probably best if you do as it seems to me that you will both feel relieved if you just ‘let it go .