No help

I think the secret is forward planning! We stayed Air bnb with son and daughter and respective children for a weekend before xmas. DIL in charge of pre-ordered food delivered to property. I took 1st nights dinner. Son loaded dishwasher etc. Next night take-away. Everyone helped themselves to breakfast snacks etc. Children old enough to dress and shower themselves. A good time was had by all. Conclusion - delegate!

My DS and DIL took nothing for granted, even asking if it was ok to take a shower while we watched the DC. I think it’s down to upbringing.

I would insist on a mutual air b n b next year not upur home or stay with then

"Borrow a couple of camp beds and put the parents in the same room as the children - don’t give up your room for them. Better still let them do the hosting and you stay with them - if that’s not an option then you should go away somewhere."
I agree with this poster's suggestion!

That's a very long visit Devonshire, it sounds exhausting and very unfair on you.

I find it hard to get my head round this, doesn’t sound normal to me so your son and wife stay in bed all day and you have to sort out everything to do with your grandchildren, yo give up your bed for adults you sleep on the sofa and you are not offered any help while you give give give! You have a very disrespectful son there and dil, sounds very entitled to me, I’d be having a few words,and you having to stop the children playing too rough with your dog, thank god they weren’t bitten, I think your son n his wife need to go to parenting classes,

You need to talk to them as everyone else has said

If they are in bed and children are not washed and dressed, just say ’I ve got to go out this morning’ Have a meal out extend till that until mid afternoon, and when you get home say ’I ate out so I’m not cooking tonight’ and DON’T give in or feel guilty.

Whilst I don't agree with the way they come across, I think it's more crossed wires,
When I stayed at my parents they loved taking over with the grandchildren they would get up early and let us lie in, telling us to have a rest etc etc,
Likewise when my children and grandchildren stay I do most of it and if son or DIL ask if they can help I tell them to take it easy, though I do get cuppas etc thought out the day from them, and they do clear up after selves/children.

I don't see myself as a doormat I just love doing it..
Though I would not give up my bed for no one (except when the grandkids creep in)

Next year, go on holiday and enjoy yourself. Let them sort themselves out!!

Why give up your bed? Stay there all day next time and give them the sofa!

In your place, Devonshire, I would phone soon and tell you son that this was the last Christmas they will ever spend at your house.

That you are saying this now, so they can make plans for next year.

You are sorry, but you are too old to cope and enjoy this kind of thing. So you will be making plans for next Christmas that do not include them staying at your place.

See what he says to this.

If the distance between your homes makes it feasible, you could say you will be thrilled to see them all for a meal and presents on the 27th or 28th. Or on Boxing Day if that suits you.

If they think it is OK to use your home in this way then if I was in your position I would stay in a local AirBNB and just visit to spend time with them.. so they cook and look after you...

Morpeth78. I’m so sorry to hear this. It must be awful for you. Hugs 🤗 💐

Staying in bed all day at someone else’s house is the height of rudeness …I would’ve taken the kids into them …with their clothes …and said “ your kids need to start their day, I’m too busy cleaning up “….then retreat to a safe distance. What is wrong with you!? Your house …your rules!

Zoejory

Don't have them to stay again. It's very simple

This…

Yeah. If you break the chain this xmas a good idea if go away - maybe do a couple of days with them in new year? Thereafter set your stall up
Make sure you've invested in a comfy sofa bed for 2 😊

You can ask them to help but somehow I don't think they will as they sound extremely lazy, self-centred and not bothered about their children. I suspect you are prepared to do it all for the sake of seeing your grandchildren and it sounds as though you give them a lovely time, but it is all getting too much. Weigh up how much you are prepared to do, and draw up a plan, suggest they stay elsewhere, but be prepared for strong resistance.
I knew adult twins who descended on their parents every year with their families, all eight of them, and were astounded and extremely miffed when their parents announced one year they were going on a cruise over Christmas. 'But it's a break for us' they wailed. Sounds as though your children are the same.

Devonshire - this is a situation that you have enabled through kind intentions, but really it is down to you if you want it to stop. Not sure why you're giving up your bed for your son and dil when they must be some decades younger than you - why do you do that? If your sofa isn't a sofa bed, then you should invest in that change and then they can sleep downstairs and won't be able to laze around all day. Also you have to set rules about washing all the dishes/utensils that go with the making of the meal. It strikes me that you have two very thoughtless and selfish adults who come not to see you but for a rest. Speak frankly with them - a for playing up your exhaustion, that's OK but it's not a good basis for them to begin to help as they'll not see that their behaviour isn't acceptable, whether you're exhausted or otherwise - it seems clear that they're not good role models for their own children either as the children are rough with your dog. You need to be very honest and set rules.

It sounds like they thought of coming to stay with you as a holiday. They may also have thought that you wanted to spend as much time with the grandchildren as possible.

How would they know you didn’t feel the same unless you tell them?

I was speaking to my neighbour's twenty old grandson about his stay at her house, he said that he does nothing there as his grandmother likes to do everything, that is not the case but she runs around after him and has never told him that he should be doing more for himself.

My ex and myself done this once at his parents. We were soon told in no uncertain terms, "this is not a hotel."

Unless you make it clear that you are not running a hotel with unlimited childcare facilities, it will continue to happen.

Invest in a inflatable mattress, they can sleep on the living room floor.
They can ask you if you mind them going out and you caring for the kids.
Unless you are willing to bathe and dress the children, they do it.
I only have one grandchild at a time (Unless it's an emergency). Even then I find it exhausting. I told my daughter this.
They probably do not think there is an issue. So, tell them.

Well, as least they visit you, which is more than my daughter does. She lied and cheated her way through my life. She involved me in her Benefit fraud, using my house, phone number, and address. When I finally 'stood up' for myself, she and her partner stopped me from seeing my grandchildren. That was 17yrs ago. You learn to live with it. with therapy help.

Don’t give up your bed, isn’t your back playing up. That’s a start.

Borrow a couple of camp beds and put the parents in the same room as the children - don’t give up your room for them. Better still let them do the hosting and you stay with them - if that’s not an option then you should go away somewhere. Whatever you do, don’t invite them on the same terms as last year !

if you make yourself into a doormat, or have always acted as one, people will naturally walk on it.

Devonshire

Thank you for your advise. You addressed everything I was feeling, including the guilt. I will certainly put this into practise, enough is enough. It all made sense and I think I was so upset and drained that I couldn't see a solution. X

Sorry for my late response, and I believe your comment was addressed to me so forgive me if I’m wrong. Just wanted to say I’m very glad it helped you. Wishing you all the best