Respecting private space

Lack of privacy from family members can be a very sore point.

When I was a young woman I had to open a bank account for my salary and when the paperwork arrived my mother opened it. When I rebuked her she said she had the right to open any letter which came to her house.

She also felt she had the "right" to open any cupboard or drawer. She used to regularly go through my wardrobe and drawers to see if I had bought anything new and would interrogate me about the cost. There were occasions when money went missing from my underwear drawer and my purse!

On my grandmothers suggestion I set up an accommodation address in a local shop so all my mail - including bank statements - went there. As a result my parents never knew how much I earned and I never told them. I also began keeping money, new clothes and valuables in my nan's house and gradually filtering them into my wardrobe. I took my handbag up to bed with me and kept it under my pillow when money began to go missing from my purse.

Although there is a dreadful and uneasy aspect to having other people - especially family members - invade your privacy I turned it into an intellectual game at my mother's expense. I was constantly inventing new ways to decieve her about what I had bought and how much money I had at my disposal. I told her I had bought my clothes in a dress agency and only paid £1 per dress. Or I kept new clothes in my locker at work and changed when I got there. This was as a result of the lack of trust at home.

After I left home - at very short notice - my mother asked me how I could possibly afford to rent a new built unfurnished flat. I admitted that I earned three times as much as my father and enjoyed the look of shock on her face. My sister had recently given birth to an unplanned child and she wondered how they were going tomanage on just my father's wage.

Not my circus, not my monkeys, as they say.

I don't think his behaviour is odd. I think the situation is odd. My husband and I have our own spaces but we would look in each others rooms for things, if we had lost something. I would be more worried about him leaving the drawer etc untidy.
However he wouldn't look in my bag, I wouldn't look in his wallet or diary/phone. Everyone is entitled to privacy.
I think that you should have a lock. But I couldn't live like this.