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Why does my family have to overcomplicate things?

(27 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sat 14-Jan-23 11:57:36

Daughter is paying a flying visit today before going out to dinner and a concert with friends. The original plan was that she would call here for a quick cup of tea and I will leave her to the train.
Now my ex has got involved and is going to take her out to lunch first and when son heard this he is going to join them. By the time they have done that it will be almost time for her train .
Why do they do this?

Davida1968 Sat 14-Jan-23 12:04:11

Surely it's not "they"? Your DD has decided to go along with the news plans, (whoever made them) so it's her decision?

pascal30 Sat 14-Jan-23 12:04:41

You all obviously love and value her, which must be lovely for's tricky isn't it? I suppose the final decision must be hers as to how she manages her time.

kircubbin2000 Sat 14-Jan-23 12:07:01

I don't think she knows yet as plane is still in the air. She did say she didn't want lunch as the meal later will be enough. Things may change.

Theexwife Sat 14-Jan-23 12:46:50

If it is a flying visit maybe her father and brother would not have seen her at all if not for lunch.

She may cancel lunch if she hasn't agreed to it already. I guess she will do whichever arrangements she prefers.

notgran Sat 14-Jan-23 13:39:49

My in-laws do just this. They are lovely folk but we tell them we are coming x day and would like to treat them to y. There reply is always come z day and we'll do abc. Consequently we try never to tell them our plans too far in advance. We organised a huge family party about 2 years ago, we were fully prepared for their wanting it to be re-arranged so we decided up front they could do whatever they wanted to do the other 20+ guests were doing what we had arranged and were more than happy to go along with it. It was over three days and they did actually miss bits of the celebrations because they wanted to prove a point and were not on a couple of Group Photos, which have been explained away as "that was the day I was unwell and had to stay in bed". Everyone knows that wasn't so but it is never discussed. I like to keep to arrangements when made.

notgran Sat 14-Jan-23 13:40:18

Meant to finish my post by saying, it's a control thing.

Wyllow3 Sat 14-Jan-23 13:47:30

She must feel what ever she chooses she will let someone down. Very difficult one for you. It does seem fair that she should stick to original/first made arrangement but who knows what emotional pressures she's wrestling with.

VioletSky Sat 14-Jan-23 13:56:17

Oh dear

That is difficult

Of course other family will want to see her

Your daughter may feel she has to fit everyone in in her short visit when she finds out they want to see her. She also may want to fit everyone in.

Focus on the time you do get

imaround Sat 14-Jan-23 22:01:28

It is frustrating isn't it? All one can do is put a smile on and say nothing IMO.

Hopefully you are able to spend the afternoon with her.

timetogo2016 Sat 11-Feb-23 10:53:21

There`s always another day.
It is not as if she`s emigrating.

micmc47 Sat 11-Feb-23 11:01:57

Yes, families can be difficult. Goes with the territory, and requires constant readjustment/compromise/ dialogue/ patience/feedback etc... Is anyone surprised by that?... It usually all works out in the end, although there are always some lost causes who are just not worth the effort, and who frankly, should just be put down to experience and then forgotten about.

NotSpaghetti Sat 11-Feb-23 11:08:32

I don't think she knows yet as plane is still in the air - no wonder people want to see her. We have this issue when my son "drops in" for 5 days from America and "needs" to see friends - but family think he needs to see us.

eazybee Sat 11-Feb-23 11:20:07

It is your daughter who is rearranging things, She suggested calling in for a quick cup of tea, and she should arrange meetings with her father and brother around the first invitation. Manners!
Alternatively, father could invite you to the meal.

Granniesunite Sat 11-Feb-23 11:26:23

As your daughter is having her arrangements rearranged for her she might have something to say about that. Perhaps she’ll stick with her own original plan .

JaneJudge Sat 11-Feb-23 11:29:49

could you go for lunch with them too? or is that an impossible solution sad flowers

ExDancer Sat 11-Feb-23 11:40:18

Have you warned your daughter about these proposed changes of her plan? She will need time to 'get her act together and decide what she wants to do.
Depending on her personality she may go happily along with the new arrangements, or alternatively (if she's as bolshy as my daughter) she may be furious and stay away, just seeing her friends - so none of you will get a look-in.
Could they all stick to her plan and join her at your house for the original 'quick cup of tea'?

wildswan16 Sat 11-Feb-23 13:35:09

As she arrived over a month ago I am sure all these problems have been sorted out !

NotSpaghetti Sat 11-Feb-23 13:47:59

Goodness wildswan I never noticed!
Wonder what happened grin

Norah Sat 11-Feb-23 13:50:41


There`s always another day.
It is not as if she`s emigrating.


Maybe next go.

Aldom Sat 11-Feb-23 14:05:12

It would be nice if the OP were to come back and tell us the outcome. smile

MerylStreep Sat 11-Feb-23 14:11:11


As she arrived over a month ago I am sure all these problems have been sorted out !

I’m glad you said it, it’s usually me.
Do people honestly not see the date.

kircubbin2000 Wed 15-Feb-23 20:00:00


It would be nice if the OP were to come back and tell us the outcome. smile

Just seen this. She managed to fit everyone in.

ExDancer Thu 16-Feb-23 14:42:49

No I hardly ever read the date.
I'd dearly like to know what happened.
I must say I used to lose track of my posts on here until I noticed the "I'm On" option across the page top. We could use a tutorial for newbies showing how to navigate the site and also explaining where to find the abbreviations for laugh, cry, agree etc. It took me ages to work out who DH and DD were!

Aldom Mon 20-Feb-23 11:07:37

Thanks kircubbin