Awkward situation

Daisychain64 do you think she would take offence if you just take an "owning up" kind of tone, and say, "I was embarrassed because I might have been on the toilet" (friends name) and its bothered me since. I mean what's the worst that can happen? She's not going got end a friendship because of that since you aren't saying SHE was doing anything wrong of you put it that way.

But decide what you really want - would you really prefer away-days, is staying over in the same room together a bit too much in other ways and the bathroom thing straw that broke camels back?

I would have been absolutely mortified! What the hell??

If you still consider her a friend, I would insist on separate rooms…and if she asks why, tell her!

She went to the loo too so loads of boundaries were crossed Wyllow3 & Poppyred & she obviously wasn’t embarrassed.

Daisychain64

She went to the loo too so loads of boundaries were crossed Wyllow3 & Poppyred & she obviously wasn’t embarrassed.

AARRGGHH!!

😳

I think it’s really bothered me as I’ve dealt with many people who have crossed my boundaries in unacceptable ways & really dislike being put in a position to enforce them which has caused so many issues. It just feels like disrespect.

I know Doodledog!

Several times my nephew has arrived looking hot and nothered but has firmly refused the offer to have a shower. There is a lock on the bathroom door and I would never go in while another person was using it (I have a downstirs loo as well) but he says he doesnt feel comfortable undressing anywhere other than at home. Some people just dont like to share their intimate space. I now feel much the same but would simply have locked the door.

Amazon sell tricky little gadgets that you can take with you when you travel in order to secure doors to which you dont have a key or means of locking.

Don't mind the shower but loo usage is a whole different territory. NO! My pal and I simply don't lock the door in case of emergencies but we wouldn't t intrude. Never actually discussed it Just automatic practice and we do always ask if it's ok to take over the facilities for a bit. Just thinking.....if I was caught short whilst she was in there, I would go to the communal toilets elsewhere in the accommodation. Never happened thus far. I suppose it depends how much you prefer getting away to day trips. I certainly wouldn't want to jeopardise the otherwise good friendship you seem to have. Such relationships are precious to me.

I quite agree about locking the door, but unless something is mentioned beforehand, you might find you are in there showering, she tries the (locked) door, and calls out “Why have you locked the door Daisy, I need the loo!”

Then what do you say? “Oh sorry, I always lock the door…”?

Bit awkward then.

Look, just lock the flipping door! Why the embarrassment? If she needs the loo she can simply go to one of the hotel’s public loos. I’m afraid I really can’t see what the problem is.

Daisychain64

She went to the loo too so loads of boundaries were crossed Wyllow3 & Poppyred & she obviously wasn’t embarrassed.

Nooo! A step too far!

Wouldn't have bothered me.
Don't bring it up ... just lock the door.

I have had many holidays with different friends but always have my own room. If a group of us go a couple do share but the rest of us like our own space. Luckily we all get on and are open. I did share twice with the same friend, years ago now, we had been friends 25 years, I am a light sleeper and her snores could be heard rooms away, then on waking she would go in the bathroom, lock the door for an hour, the shower ran for at least 20 minutes, meanwhile I was awake dying for the loo. Then at meal tines she would tell me about my calorie intake and the food I ate, she objected to me having wine with a meal, she kept her figure by eating small meals as we didn't burn the calories, foolishly I did another holiday with her as didn't quite know how to get out if it but never again. Look back and can't believe I put up with it.

Just say do you need the loo as I m going in for a shower
That’s what I do if the grandkids or anyone is in the house

I could understand your embarrassment with a stranger but a long term friend it’s happened make sure it doesn’t happen again and put it out your head
Different people have different boundaries she obviously feels more at ease and comfortable with you and you’re a more private person but is it worth losing a friendship or a pleasant trip away when there is such an easy solution

Chuck it out with the shower water forget about it and enjoy your next trip away

Great advice & insights ... really helpful.

Well I’d of locked the door

I do usually ... I guess I felt comfortable & never dreamt my friend would come in as I asked if she would like to use the bathroom first ... lesson learned!.

Sharing a bedroom and bathroom with somebody you barely meet in person is awkward already

Go on a trip again with her if you had fun and ask for separate bedrooms - problem solved

Don’t miss out on a trip with company you get on with generally just book separate rooms. You can have your own privacy and arrange to meet in the reception or bar to plan your day or evening.

I think this is something you need to discuss at the stage when you plan the holiday - or when you first arrive at the hotel. Explain that you are a very private person and that you always lock the door when you use the bathroom, even when with your own family! Announcing that you are going to have a leasurely shower or bath and does anyone need the loo is a good idea.

I think your own room would be better next time. Adjacent and all that but with its own facilities. I know it will cost more but I reckon it would be well worth it! I don’t like sharing with anyone except my husband, or maybe one of my daughters but that’s it . I don’t want to look at anyone else or hear anyone else’s ablutions, thanks.

I am ok when I visit the leisure centre, no problem in changing area or shower , but would not like it in a shared hotel room! I know that is strange , but in your situation I wouldn't dream of entering the bathroom if I knew my friend was in there. I am very close to my sister but even with her I would feel awkward.
A solution has already been mentioned - tell your friend you didn't sleep well sharing a room and would prefer it if " we both had our own rooms" I wouldn't want to share a room even with a good friend, I would need my own space and privacy. Your friend will take the hint I feel sure, if she doesn't - don't go ! Good luck 🤞!

My "just good friends' boyfriend knows not to join me in the bathroom on holiday. He also knows that I never lock the door and would yell out for him if I were in trouble.

DH and I once stayed in a B&B where the en suite bathroom had no door! It was an old cottage, and the en suite had been an adjacent bedroom, so was spacious, but we really both felt uncomfortable, especially going to the loo. In other respects the accommodation was superb: lovely host, delicious breakfast, fridge on the landing etc. but this spoilt it for us.
Definitely lock the door, OP.

Nowadays I have to say I wouldn’t share a room with anyone but dh or very close family.
As for barging in while you were in the shower, OP, I’d have had to have a Very Firm Word about that. Whether she’d be fine with you doing the same is entirely beside the point.