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Awkward situation

(61 Posts)
Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:23:35

I was asked last Summer if I’d be interested to go away on a City break by an old friend.
We rarely see one another due to our busy lives so it was lovely to catch up.
We had a lovely time, however on the second morning my friend entered the bathroom (shared a twin room with en-suite) without knocking & carried on getting ready whilst I was in the shower.
I felt quite shocked as it was overstepping boundaries & as I would never dream of doing this myself I felt embarrassed to bring it up with her.
She’s asked to go away again this Summer & as I feel uncomfortable I’m going to suggest meeting up for the day instead.
I don’t want to lose her friendship but equally don’t want to be put in an awkward situation again.
How would you deal with this situation?.

Ladyleftfieldlover Tue 24-Jan-23 21:29:08

Didn’t the en-suite have a lock? If it didn’t, can’t you simply ask your friend not to come in while you are are using the facilities? Actually, why would anyone be embarrassed to ask a friend not to barge in?

Serendipity22 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:33:00

Ohhhh heck... errrr to be quite honest I wouldn't like that.... yes I would view it precisely the same as you BUT your friend obviously didn't see it posing a problem and that is not her fault.

We are allll different and what suits 1, doesn't suit another. I think that if there are going to be more breaks away, i would have to say something, not in a nasty way, not in a way to cause friction between you both BUT if it isn't addressed then its going to obviously continue where you are on edge and your friend is oblivious.....


Kate1949 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:33:48

I would have locked the door.

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:34:40

There was a lock but I honestly thought she wouldn’t come in’s not something I’d personally ever do ... I’d have thought most people would know not to invade someone’s personal space ...

NotSpaghetti Tue 24-Jan-23 21:34:55

I suppose it's like the changing room at the gym. She probably just saw it like that as you were sharing a room. I'm not bothered at the gym and total strangers are sometimes naked there...

I'd not choose to share a room to be honest. Maybe you can suggest you each have a room if you like her company other than this?

Doodledog Tue 24-Jan-23 21:38:56

I wouldn't have been happy either, but agree that it's probably a clash of expectations. Can you get separate rooms next time, or a serviced apartment instead of a hotel?

Failing that, when I wanted to get ready next time, I would just ask if she needed to use the bathroom for the next 15 minutes, as I was about to use the shower, and be sure to lock the door.

Grandmadinosaur Tue 24-Jan-23 21:40:54

When ever I’ve gone away with a friend we usually say who is going or needs to go in the bathroom first and whenever I’m going in myself I always ask if they have finished in there. I would recommend that and saying something along the lines of checking that they don’t have any need to return in there. Also yes lock the door.

BlueBelle Tue 24-Jan-23 21:44:59

Lock the door

Wyllow3 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:45:20

I'd say I'd like come and say can we talk something over?

I'd admit I wasn't comfy with her doing that, would she prefer to have separate ensuite rooms so she can use facilities exactly when she wants?

then its open for her to say, "oh, thats not necessary, I'll wait till you've finished or take the option of facilities she can use anytime she wants.

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:45:42

I wondered if that’s how she viewed sharing a room too Serendipity22 & NotSpaghetti as I recently had a spa day ... it doesn’t bother me at all what others choose to do I just prefer to get ready privately.
I was just interested in other people’s perspective as I feel really uncomfortable to bring it up with her & would rather avoid a similar scenario in future as she has been a good friend to me.

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:50:07

I asked if she would like to use the bathroom before I went in which is why it was a surprise when she walked in soon afterwards Grandmaddinosaur & Wyllow3 ... super awkward!

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:53:52

Thanks very much for everyone’s suggestions ... I wish I was a more outspoken person in this type of situation! ...

vegansrock Tue 24-Jan-23 21:54:26

Just get separate rooms. Problem solved. I prefer my own space.

lemsip Tue 24-Jan-23 21:54:47

I would always get a single room. would never share!

Kate1949 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:55:42

Yes it must have been a shock. It's a strange thing to do.

NotSpaghetti Tue 24-Jan-23 21:55:49

I'm sure you can still have a nice break without sharing a room or simply by locking the bathroom...

I'm think she will understand if you discuss it with her - but if you really can't bring the subject up you could call the suggested hotel and ask if they have locks on the en-suite bathroom doors?
If they don't, maybe you will have to say you aren't sleeping very well and need your own space?
I do understand you are finding this awkward.
Good luck.

Hetty58 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:57:31

Daisychain64, I wouldn't have been bothered at all as I'm quite ok with washing/dressing alongside friends. Having a large family, we'd share the bathroom - or we'd never have all got to school and work on time.

Therefore, what seems odd to you could be perfectly normal for her. I wouldn't bring up the subject right now with her, though - just lock the door next time - or tell her when necessary (if you take a shower in her presence) that you'd like some privacy.

Wyllow3 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:59:17

But just walking in, well you might be sat on the toilet...

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 22:08:59

Hetty58 I completely understand if you grew up as part of a large family ...
Wyllow3 that’s my point ... it felt like an invasion of privacy in the context of a friendship ...

crazyH Tue 24-Jan-23 22:14:06

Don’t bring up the subject - it would put a dampener on your friendship. Just lock the bathroom door when you’re using it.

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 22:23:24

Because she gave me an appraisal afterwards I think I’m going to suggest days out & not put myself in that situation in future ... you’re right crazyH as she is an outspoken person I’m uncertain how she’d respond.

BlueBelle Tue 24-Jan-23 22:25:53

Why can’t you lock the bathroom door it’s just so simple you don’t have to explain anything or tackle her surely everyone locks the bathroom when not in their home situation

Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 22:34:03

Usually I do lock the door BlueBelle ... I guess I felt there was no need on that occasion as it’s never been an issue with other friends but certainly will do so in future.

LRavenscroft Tue 24-Jan-23 22:40:15

Could you not use the very polite English phrase: "Would you mind very much if I used the bathroom myself while you waited till your turn? I tend to like my own space when showering ." Sounds to me as if she is one of those ladies who is not embarrassed by crossing certain boundaries. I am like you and like to be private.